Numb

Chapter 36

AN-Heh, been a while I guess...Sorry? The only explanation I have is that I can only really write this when I am in a bad enough head space to relate to it, but not so bad that I can't function. So...that's fun.

Lisa's POV
I lay in the stupid bed they have me tied to for what felt like forever before a nurse came in. The shift must have changed, because U haven't seen this one before. She smiles at me a little sadly, before checking my vitals and a few of the machines they have me hooked up to. After she writes down what seems to be some numbers from a monitor, she puts the clipboard down and looks up at me.

I must have a thoroughly put out and unimpressed look on my face, because she just raises her eyebrow at me as she motions to the water pitcher on the stand beside her. I feel a little guilty for being so difficult, because this lady is here helping me when she should be helping other people, and here I am barely showing her basic respect. I drop my eyes from hers and shake my head. The nurse nods and then goes to walk out of the room before she suddenly stops and turns around.

"How would you like to get rid of that catheter Ms. Cimorelli?" She says this as if anyone would actually WANT to have a catheter in. I remember that I am supposed to be talking a bit, and I immediately nod and say, "Yes, please." The nurse nods and mentions that she will go get someone to take it out before leaving.

I sigh and once again stare at the ceiling, would it kill them to put a tv in here at the very least? Literally all I do is sit here and try not to think about anything. Eventually, the nurse comes back with someone else, and they remove the catheter. (AN-Yah I'm not describing that)

I'm left alone again, and despite my best efforts, my mind brings up those last few moments, before I let that rope tighten around my neck. I should have done it better, thought it through more. I shouldn't have done it at the house, where my family would find me...

Who did find me? Was it Katherine who broke down my door and found me hanging there, or Christina? Was it Amy, or god forbid Lauren or Dani?

I was trying to help them, to take away the burden I am to them, and now I hurt one of them. I don't even know who it is...I made them see their sister like that. I can't imagine what I would do if I found one of my sisters li...No, it's different. They are important, they all matter, they AREN'T burdens, and they CAN do things right. So it's not the same, right?

I shudder a little, and shake my head quickly, closing my eyes as well, trying to dislodge my current thought path. I keep my eyes closed as I focus on one thing at a time, something that my mom taught us all when we were little and needed to calm down. I start by tensing up my whole body, and then I slowly let it go, starting with my toes. By the end of it, I have successfully cleared my mind a little, and I then drift off to sleep yet again, vaguely wondering why I seem to be so tired...