Numb

Chapter 8

Hello, and Merry Christmas!! This chapter is going to be what Lisa has been going through in the 2-month time jump. I am going to try and post 3 chapters next week, possibly more! Thanks for reading, and I have published two one-shots, check them out!

Lisa POV

These last two months I have been spiraling. My smiles have become more and more fake, and instead of there being sad water drops in an ocean of happiness, there is now happy water drops in an ocean of sadness. My sisters don't really seem too notice, except to point out all I am doing wrong.

They are right too, I know I'm not keeping up with all of my responsibilities, I know I could de better, I just can't get up the motivation to do it. I've honestly been thinking about quitting the band, or at least stepping back, not taking main parts, not showing up in all videos. My sisters don't need me to ruin all the videos and songs, they will be much better off if I can just fade into the background. Much better off without me.

I have cut a lot of times, I feel a little less guilty every time I dragged the razor across my arm. I deserve this, and sometimes it is the only way I can feel alive. I don't really feel much anymore, nothing except self-loathing that is. I'm relatively numb, but I have perfected the "happy" mask, and no one sees. I have pushed all of my friends away, and even Lauren doesn't really talk to me anymore...

I know I should do my chores, but I can't get out of bed. I can't really remember the last time I ate a meal, maybe two, no, three days ago? I did have an apple yesterday, so that is something I suppose. I am much too fat anyway.

I hear someone going downstairs, and for a second I am confused, isn't it night time? But then I check the time, it is 7:00. Oh well, I guess I didn't sleep then. My makeup usually covers the bags under my eyes anyways. I don't need much sleep, I'm too lazy, I don't use much energy in a day. I smell bacon cooking, and my stomach grumbles, I grimace. I am a bit hungry, but I've got to ignore it. I don't deserve to eat that food.

I lay, staring at the ceiling, hearing the sounds of my sisters talking and laughing in the kitchen. I know Kath will set aside some for me, and I'll grab it and feed it to the stray animals in the alley behind the apartment building. It's been the routine for a while now...

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AN: Thanks for reading this far!!et me know if there is a POV you want to see, or if you have something you want me to incorporate into the story!! I would love some feedback!