Numb

Chapter 35

AN- So. It's been a rough start to the year. This song seems to fit with both my own situation and this story! I finally have some time to write because of all this quarantine stuff.

Lisa's POV

I sat there and just listened to my family quietly talking around me while I stared at the ceiling. Every once in a while I would look at all of them, just sitting there with me when they didn't even have to. When I didn't even deserve to have them there.

Eventually, a nurse came in and said that they had to leave for a few hours because apparently I, "need my rest." I watched as they all filed out of the room, my mom patting my hand as she said that she would be back soon. I just nodded and turned away when anyone tried to say goodbye. Every time they are nice to me I feel horrible. I don't deserve it all.
(See what I did there??)

I laid there for a while, I must have dozed off at some point because I blinked and suddenly it was two hours later. A nurse came in to check my vitals and make sure the stupid restraints weren't loose. I can't believe they are making me wear these. Honestly, what am I going to do in a hospital anyway?

About half an hour later the nurse comes back, this time with Dr. Wesley and Dr. Richards. (Hannah)
Dr. Wesley comes up and seems to examine my neck a bit, moving around the ice packs I had forgotten were even there. She looks at me for a second, and then writes something on her clipboard. I roll my eyes, wondering when they would be done and leave me alone so I could sulk in peace.

Dr. Wesley then puts the chart back in its slot at the end of my bed and clears her throat. I reluctantly look at her. She says, "Well, the swelling in your throat has really gone down. I'm going to have you try and speak okay? Just a little bit at first. Try saying simple things like 'Hello' or 'Water' at first."

I nod a bit, and when I don't say anything she raises an eyebrow at me and continues to stand there. I roll my eyes again, realizing that she isn't going anywhere until I try to speak.

I hesitantly try to say "Hello" as I close my eyes, not wanting to look at anyone when I'm struggling to even speak. At first. A hoarse noise comes out of my mouth, vaguely similar to the word I'm trying to say. I take a breathe and try again, this time I manage to say something that is definitely recognizable as "Hello."

Dr. Wesley smiles and says. "Good job. I want you to keep working at that. A nurse will come in every 30 minutes or so. If you need water, they will make sure you get it. Now, Dr. Richards would like to talk to you for a few minutes. I've got other patients to get to, so I'll just leave you two to it."

Dr. Wesley leaves the room, closing the door behind her. Dr. Richards, or Hannah as she apparently wants to be called, gets up from where she had been sitting in a chair in the corner of the room. She has a notebook with her, and is not dressed how what I would envision a psych doctor would be. Instead of a white lab coat, she is wearing simple black pants and a shirt.

She smiles a little at me, and then pushes her glasses up a bit before she starts talking.

"So, I am very much aware that you probably don't want to be here, and especially don't want me here too. I understand that. I imagine it was quite the shock when you woke up here instead of being dead."

My eyes widen as she bluntly says all of that while seemingly reading through something in her notebook. I didn't expect her to actually say that, but this lady seems to consider it her civil duty to shock me.

She takes in my expression and chuckles a bit, "What? Did you expect me to dance around the issue? Maybe use ambiguous words to talk about it? That's not how I work. I prefer to say things in as clear a manner as possible when I can. It helps to establish trust. I want you to know that I will not lie to you. I expect the same from you in return. Otherwise, neither of us will get anything from this."

I just nod again. At least this Hannah isn't trying to be all pitying and quiet. I don't want pity.

She continues to speak as I wonder when she will get to the point, "So. Since you can't talk much but are supposed to practice, I figure we could go through a few questions and you can give me short verbal answers for now. First question, on a scale of 1 to 10, how would you rate any feelings of hopelessness, worthlessness, or numbness you have felt in the past month?"

I look away for a second before forcing out an answer, "8." She just nods and writes something. She continues with similar questions and I do my best to answer them. Eventually, she seems to run out of those number scale questions and closes her notebook.

"Alright, that's all for now. Would you like some water?" ,Hannah asks as she puts the notebook down.

I think about being stubborn and refusing for a second, but I am too thirsty and I finally nod. She pick up a weird plastic cup with a straw in it and hold the straw to my mouth. I take a few drinks and then nod at her. She puts the cup back on the stand beside my bed.

"Okay. So you will probably be moved to a normal hospital room soon, and then tomorrow afternoon I expect you will be transferred to the psych ward. Unfortunately, I am going to have to leave those restraints on you for now. Until we can get you into a 24hr watch zone, they have to stay on. I will talk to you more tomorrow. Try to get some sleep tonight, okay?" She gets up as she says that last sentence, picking up her notebook.

I nod as she then walks out of the room, leaving the door cracked. I lean my head back into the pillow and sigh loudly. What am I supposed to do until nighttime, it's only 5:00 in the afternoon. My family can't come back till after supper. I can't move my arms very much, and to my horror I actually had a catheter, so I didn't even need to get up and use the bathroom.

This is going to be a LONG couple hours...