Fist & Pearl (Ursula State Series, 1)

Kabanata 21

Kabanata 21
Underneath the Façades

THE human mind is always taking things differently, somehow lightly, but sometimes brutally.

Whenever we think of the things we desired, or we missed, we always thought about the good things that remained. We are always reminded of the pros that happened during that experience to make it even more desirable. I wished my mind is not working like that; I wished I don't have a stupid brain at all.

When I think how the chicken sandwich is a killer, and just melted in my mouth with every bite, suddenly I want one. But when I finally have it in my hands, all the things that made me swear not to buy one again, it just came and slaps me for betraying my own stomach.

It’s tragic.

Marerealize ko na lang na ayaw ko na nga pala no’n kasi nakakaumay. Tiyak ay magluluksa na naman ako pagkatapos kong makain iyon lahat, nang sapilitan dahil sayang ang pera kapag hindi inubos.

That's exactly how I feel right now. Not because I bought a stupid chicken sandwich, but because I am outside Kappa Kappa House, waiting for Mys to come back here, or to go out. I don’t actually know where she is. And I’m chickening out at the thought of knocking and asking for her. I felt so dumb.

I don’t even know where I found the guts to get here and stand for like hours after my class hours. I didn’t get a chance to talk with her at our Political Science class because as expected after months na paulit-ulit nangyayari, she’s not present.

Before I planned on going here, I reminisce about the old me and Mys. Then, what Meira told me hit me. It’s been months and Mys is still not in the mood to talk, so it has to be me. I need to do the first move, or else, hindi na talaga kami magkakaayos.

And I also demand the truth from her.

I need to hear her story, not only because she’s my best friend, but also because she might know something about what happened. Siya lang ang makapag-iintindi ng lahat sa akin, dahil best friend ko siya. Aaminin kong natatakot akong baka dahil halos isang buwan na niya akong hindi pinapansin ay dahil may alam nga siya sa nangyari. Knowing she did not fight for me back, I am guessing it’s because she’s a member of a sisterhood, and I guess I know where that will rank me from her top priorities.

I will be second to all.

I know how sororities work, I watched enough movies to say that, kapag may sorority ka, sila ang una sa lahat, at magiging gano’n ka rin sa kanila. And I just found out that Sierra is on them, including Ronaldo for the frat. It’s starting to boom some sense in me, but I need her clarification. I don’t want to assume anymore—look, how it ended with my accusation with Warren.

“Charlie?”

Agad akong napaangat ng aking ulo, sabay tayo nang bigla kong marinig ang boses ni Mys. Lumandas agad ang tingin ko sa figure na nakatayo sa aking harap sa porch ng Kappa Kappa House.

“Mys.” sambit ko sa kaniya, tapos ay napako ang tingin ko sa taong nakaakbay sa kaniya.

Naka-jersey ito, at alam ko na agad sa pananamit na isa itong football player.

Bumalik ang tingin ko kay Mys, doon ko napansin ang kakaibahan sa kaniyang ayos. Nakamakapal na make-up siya, kulay pink na spaghetti top na may nakalagay na KK Beauty at mini skirt na hot pink ang kulay. Mukhang push-up bras ang suot niya dahil masyadong distracting ang cleavage niya, at hindi naman gaanong kalakihan ang dibdib niya noon.

Hindi na siya ang Mys na kasa-kasama ko. She was so different.

“Ron, mauna ka na sa loob.” sambit niya sa kaniyang kasama. Agad naman iyong tila puno ng lust na tumingin sa kaniya tapos dinilaan ang sariling ibabang labi na pawang nakatitig sa isang masarap na putahe.