Fist & Pearl (Ursula State Series, 1)

Kabanata 37

Kabanata 37
Flower Among Snakes

WHEN horrible things are happening before your eyes the second time around, it is always much worse than before, because you already know what comes next given that you already experienced it, and all you can do is pray for it to end fast so you won't feel it.

What makes it worse than before is that you already assumed what will happen, and what you predicted added up to the pain you are feeling, making it painful than the first one.

When I gained my consciousness, I can't bear to open my eyes. I can feel that my hands are tied, but instead of standing and had my hands tied up, I was sitting and had my hands tied down from my back.

A month ago, when I was kidnapped, all the things I was smelling was this moldy, rusty, and old woods surrounding me. It was punching me in my stomach—the smell.

Making me want to vomit.

It is also here now.

The presence of that smell, making me feel it's a real deal.

This part is where I found out that I must be a terrible bitch, because I got kidnapped two times in my life. I mean, nobody ever gets kidnapped two times in their lives, in the same year. At least one month after the other.

It's bullshit.

You don't even get kidnapped, not if you're not rich, right? But why are they after me again? I must be a terrible bitch.

I can't open my eyes. Fearing I might see Sierra mocking me. Fearing she might touch my helpless body, again. Or maybe. . .

Making me think that it's Reign avenging for what I've done to her.

God, it's just a game! For God's sake! She doesn't have to kidnap me like this!

"Fuck, who the fuck is here!" bigla ay may isang boses na nagsalita. Kumalabog ng malakas ang aking dibdib. Hindi ko maimagine kung anong nangyayari. Pero sure akong kilala ko ang boses ng nagsalita.

"Fuck, who ever did this prank, let your face out, I'll kick you in the ass! Minsan lang ako magmura, pweo sinasabi kong worth it 'to!" sigaw na niya, dahilan para bumukas ang aking mga mata. Agad na tumambad sa aking paningin ang katawan kong nakaupo nga sa upuang bakal, ngunit hindi ako makatayo dahil ang tali sa aking kamay sa likod, ay nakakonekta sa bangkong inuupuan ko.

"Sister Klein?" mahinang tanong ko sa taong maingay na nasa aking likuran, nangangapos ang aking hininga.

"Sister Charlie?" bigla ay napasigaw siya, "Oh, God! Where the hell are you?" sigaw pa niya tapos ay gumalaw-galaw ang isang bagay sa aking likuran, na para bang gustong kumuwala. Siya yata iyon, at sa tingin ko ay katulad ko, nakatalikod din ako sa kaniya at pareho kaming naka-face sa wall.

"I'm here," halos bulong ko na lang na sambit, "Sa likod mo."

I felt safer than last time. Hindi ko alam na nagsimula na palang tumulo ang mga luha ko hindi lang sa takot na nararamdaman ko, ngunit pati dahil sa hindi ako nag-iisa sa lugar na ito.

"Now, girls." bigla ay may nagsalita sa dilim. Napakagat ako sa aking ibabang labi habang hinihintay kong makatungtong sa liwanag ang pagclank sa sahig ng suot na heeled shoes ng nagsalitang babae.

"Who the fuck are you?!" sigaw muli ni Klein at muling pinilit ang sariling makakawala sa kaniyang pagkakatali. "You bitch, get us out here!"

"Easy there, Sister Kleiny-klein." tapos ay lumabas na sa liwanag ang mukha ng nagsalita. Bali na lamang ang pagkabog sa aking dibdib nang makita ko si Digna na nakasuot pa rin ng sorority pink dress namin at may hawak na baril sa isang kamay, at kutsilyo sa kabila. Bali na lamang ang pag-agos ng aking mga luhang maiinit. Hindi ko na alam ang gagawin ko. Gusto ko na lamang ay magdasal para sa kalalagyan ng kaluluwa ko kapag ipinutok na ni Digna ang baril sa aking ulo.

Sa mga minutong iyon, naisip kong para akong si Lewis Pullman sa Bad Times at the El Royale, fearing for my soul. Ilang beses na nagmamakaawa sa kung sino mang tao ang may hawak ng baril laban sa akin. I wish I had my very own Father Daniel Flynn beside me before I completely lose all my blood after I was shot, so that I can confess everything to him, before my life was taken from me.

But there was no Father Daniel Flynn here. It was just a helpless me, Becklein, and Digna who will decide whether I will still live or not.

This point of someone's life is where he will do everything just to live another day. Then, I think about it. Meron ba akong cherished memories na pinakaiingatang pwedeng maging dahilan upang isalba ko ang buhay ko ngayon?

I don't think I have.

I never had at least one good time in my life. It's all just terrible bad times. I realized I wasn't really happy with my life. It's even terrible living my life, living this kind of life for the rest of my living days.

Or maybe, there's at least a good one time that made me inspired, but the person who made me feel that way, that good time, he's already dead. He can't save me here. Wren. Yung parents ko, ang dahilan kung bakit pinili nila ang isang unibersidad na malayo sa amin, ang Ursula State University, dahil gusto na nila akong alisin sa buhay nila. They don't even want me. My best friend betrayed me, and I don't even know the reason why she did that.

Nobody ever wanted me.

Nobody.

Even Warren betrayed me, and now he forgot about me. He's all over Reign.

He forgot me.

"Come on, enough with all of this bullshits." bigla ay sambit ni Digna tapos ay may hinila si Digna na bangko mula sa kaniyang likuran. "It's real talk now, girls." tapos ay pasalampak siyang naupo sa bangko na pinuwesto niya sa pagitan naming dalawa. "Face me, idiots!"

Humugot ako ng malalim na hininga, at dahan-dahang lumingon papunta sa kaniyang direksyon.

"Sister Charlie, spill all you know about Sister Grainne and everything about prostitutions." seryosong sambit niya, dahilan upang ang paghikbi ko ay mapatigil.

"What are you—"

"FUCK IT, ANSWER ME, OR I WILL KILL YOU." bigla ay sigaw niya sa akin, dahilan upang mapalunok ako at agad umiling, "Wala akong alam."

"Come on, tell me about it!" pag-iinsist pa niya. "Where is the Big Bad Wolves located, Charlie?"

"Fuck you, I'm a loyal KK Beauty, Digna." matatalim na sambit ni Klein sa aking likuran. "Fuck you! To think that you're pledging Kappa Kappa! You traitor!"

"Then, I might as well kill you, Sister Klein." tugon sa kaniya ni Digna, dahilan upang mapapikit ako.

Wala akong naiintindihan sa nangyayari.

"I heard you talk about excommunication, you fucking bitches." matalim ang mga boses ni Digna nang sabihin niya iyon, "I've been working on this fucking case for months, you might as well spill the beans now." tapos ay may iniraise siya na laman ng kaniyang wallet. Napalunok ako sa hindi malamang bara sa aking lalamunan.

"FUCK YOU, WHAT?!" bigla ay napasigaw sa gulat na sabi ni Klein sa aking likuran, "National Bureau of Investigation, fuck, you're. . .fuck, Digna. You're a secret agent."

I thought about it, how Digna is a secret agent. Like she's a flower among all these snakes. Suddenly, I'm pumped up again.

All these mess, it can still be save—and I among them.