kill your mind: joshler

three : from up, down and sideways

the world was spinning, or maybe it wasn't - maybe tyler was the one spinning, laying on his bed with his eyes trained at the ceiling.

it was deep into the night and probably the next day, he did not know how long he'd been laying on those white sheets staring at the white ceiling but it was long enough for the room to begin to spin, the ceiling joining with the red walls and tyler couldn't quite tell if that was a drawing of cheetah or his skateboard.

it was probably both.

he was going to throw up soon because a bad shade of green had mixed with the white and red. green was always bad. green like the forest. tyler hated the forest. too many trees.

"tyler?"

he wasn't going to throw up anymore because max has pushed open his white door so white was no longer in the picture, and then red left, finally green settled down.

"tyler" frantic. why frantic? max's voice sounded rushed, as if he was scared, pushing, distraught. tyler didn't do anything wrong, did he? it was no use, he always did. he always made one mistake or another.

mistake, mistake, mistake.

"madison, get in here!" max's voice was giving out but why was he calling madison? tyler could faintly feel hands touch him but it felt too far away. why was max calling out for madison?

"what?" her voice wasn't like max's. it was bland, not concerned or distraught. she hated him. she hated tyler. she hated him for killing their parents.

"oh my god!" now she was concerned. why, what was happening? what did tyler do wrong?

"ty, can you hear me? if you can hear me, move your hand, please." max was talking again and tyler was trying, concentrating on moving his hand.

why can't i move my hand?

hand, hand, hand.

he tried, and tried but he just couldn't get it to move. then he began to shake, worry but he wasn't too sure he was shaking on the outside.

the white and red and green were mixing together again and tyler could feel his stomach turn and his head start to hurt. red, green, white. red - green - white. why?

"what's happening to me? max?" though tyler tried to say it, his lips didn't move. he wasn't scared but he was frustrated. he wanted to move his hand. why couldn't he move his hand? why couldn't he move his lips?

just let it be, tyler. just let it be.

was that voice his? it couldn't be. tyler's voice didn't sound so soft, so soothing.

mom?

it was definitely his mom. only her voice had that kind of effect on tyler. she was the only one who could make tyler forget all the pain. once he was in her embrace, all he felt was warmth. once he was in her embrace, he loved the forest. once he was in her embrace, everything was okay. so for sake of his mother,

tyler let it be.