kill your mind: joshler

thirty-two : holds back content

"two days" tyler answered josh's question, "you've been asleep for two days"

"what? how?" josh spluttered in confusion. it felt like he'd been asleep for a few minutes.

tyler sighed, "you weren't answering your phone for two days straight and i got worried because normally you would shoot me a text, y'know and i know you said i shouldn't ever go to your house so i was scared it was nothing and you'd probably get mad at me but god damn it, josh, the worry was eating me alive and i was willing to take the risk of you yelling at me just to make sure you're okay" tyler was rubbing circles on josh's shoulder, sending a shiver down the older boys spine.

"i- you would do that for just for me?" josh asked in surprise.

"don't reduce your self, red head." tyler smiled, "i'd do anything for you"

"so how'd you find me?"

tyler squeezed his eyes shut, not wanting to relive that memory but he continued anyway.

"max and i went. the front door was locked and there was loud music coming from inside the house. we found a ladder and max helped me climb. what i saw, josh" tyler closed his eyes and coughed away his incoming sobs.

"i-its okay" josh whispered, even when he knew it was not. he never wanted tyler to see him like that, ever. that's why he warned him not to come to his house. josh's dad, mark, was a beast. ferocious and furious and he always used josh to let out his anger.

and if josh wasn't there, mark used his mom.

"you were naked, josh and he was --- he was inside you and you were crying for him to stop but he didn't and-and" tyler was full on sobbing now, letting the tears stream down his face. josh held him to his chest and stroked his hair, whispering words for him until tyler came down.

"i was so scared, josh" he whispered, "but i was also angry and seeing him ontop of you like that, seeing you so broken and --- it hurt, josh. it hurt worse than any pain i'd ever felt. it hurt worse than when my parents died"

josh was still whispering things to tyler. things about the cliff and how strong he was. things that calmed him down.

"so i recorded. i recorded because i knew we'd need to put that bastard in jail and then i got in through the window, he didn't even notice because the music was loud and i pushed him off you and kneed him in the balls with anger and i got you out of that house but by the time i'd cleaned you up, you weren't breathing, josh. i thought you'd given up on me and that was even scarier. so max drove us to the hospital and the doctor said you were just dehydrated and tired and all you needed was water and bedrest so that's what we gave you but you weren't waking up, josh and i was so scared but the doctor came in and said you'd be up in a few hours so i made food because i knew you'd be hungry and i got drugs because i knew you'd be hurt." tyler looked at his best friend and sighed.

"i'm just so happy you're alive, josh. if you had died, i don't know what i would've done with myself" tyler whispered into josh's chest.

"i'm sorry that i recorded instead of helping you first. i should've-"

"no, you did the right thing. now we can throw that bastard in jail" josh said with a soft smile on his face.

tyler smiled, "happy to have you back, joshua"