kill your mind: joshler

⚠ twenty-eight : freeze frame please let me paint a mental picture portrait

trigger warning ⚠

"where d'ya think you're going, boy?" josh's father asks, removing the news paper from the front of his face and eyeing josh with raised brows.

"a friends" josh mutters, swallowing quickly. his dad had never cared where he was going before. why did he all of a sudden?

"a friends" mark chuckled darkly, "you mean the boy you've been visiting across the street?"

josh's eyes widened. it's not like he'd been incredibly careful about visiting tyler but he didn't think his dad would notice. quickly trying to come up with an excuse, josh knew he had nothing.

it was just he and his dad in the house so there was nobody to save him. he decided to just come clean.

"yeah, tyler. he's my friend" he prayed his father wouldn't think much of it and allow him to go but when were his josh's prayers ever answered?

"faggot" his dad yelled, slamming the table for effect as his nostrils flared. he was cornering josh who was quickly backing up before his chest hit the living room wall.

"you know" mark says, cupping josh's chin in his hands, "i just wanted a normal child. a normal family" he sneered, "why can't you be more like abigail?"

abigail was josh's perfect sister who was away in college.

"dad-" josh tried, choking back tears but was cut off by his dad slamming his back into the wall. josh let out a squeezed whimper.

"how many times have i told you?" mark says, "i'm not your father" he bends down to grab josh and twist both his hands behind his back.

"fuck, please" josh screams out in pain, trying to breath through his nose. his hands hurt so bad.

"swearing now too? why can't you just be normal?" mark doesn't give josh time to recover as he back hands him across the face, hard.

it stung so hard and josh had to bite down on his lip, drawing a bit of blood, to not swear again.

"it's that boy, isn't it? he's the one making you worse than before? he's finally brought out the last gay, huh?" mark sneers in disgust, tightening his grip around josh's chin and most likely leaving a bruise.

he scowled at his child, "god, i wish your mother and i had aborted you when we had the chance"

josh closed his eyes tight because that stung. fuck, that stung. he tried to imagine he wasn't here, feeling this pain but it didn't work too well as his father back handed him again. his eyes shot open.

"listen to me, boy. i don't want to ever see you with that queer kid again, you hear me?"

maybe josh should have listened and nodded along just to end the suffering, but instead he spat viciously in his dads face, smiling with his bloody teeth.

"tyler is not a faggot" he says, "he's amazing and better than you'll ever be. when i'm with him, i don't feel pain"

mark wiped the spit from off his face and glared at josh with such hatred, josh felt hot at his very core. his heart thumped and palms sweated because he knew what was to come. maybe he should have kept quiet.

"pain?" mark laughs, "i'll show you pain"

josh shakes his head, his entire body shaking, "dad, no. please. fuck, dad, please"

but mark wouldn't listen, no, as he yanked off his belt and ripped off his trousers.

"you wanna know pain?" he grunted, dragging his already hard penis out of his boxers and setting josh into a kneeling, yanking his trousers off.

"no, please" josh weakly begged.

this was the worst part of the abuse. the rape. even his mother didn't know about the rape and how it hurt so much, josh wanted to crawl out of his skin and die.

he tried to imagine he wasn't there with mark's repulsive touches all over his body. he tried to tune out as mark forced himself on him but he couldn't. it was too much. there was blood, so much blood and it took everything in josh not to vomit.

"tyler" he whispered pathetically to himself, "help me"

josh laid a bloody mess there when mark had finished with him, shaking and crying until he fell asleep. and he realised something.

he realised he wished he were dead.

|| - //

funny story, my mom has told she wish she'd aborted me four times now. i know i make her mad and she says it in the fit of anger so she doesn't really mean it but that doesn't mean it hurts any less. also, did you see? i ended it the same way i ended tyler's once. anyway, i read somewhere the plural of penis should be peni (like cactus and cacti because penises is just too much) so i think i'm going to be using that from now on.