kill your mind: joshler

thirty-six : i did not know it was such a violent island

“so what made you like tyler?” josh asked brendon when tyler had gone for a quick smoke break outside the library.

“um, i don't know. i guess the fact that he's very shy at first but pretty loud when you get to know him or that sometimes his voice becomes so scratchy and low that you wouldn't hear what he's saying or that he sometimes finishes his sentences in a low voice if he's embarrassed about what he says or that his eyes get way smaller when he smiles. it might be the fact that he's calm and collected one second and the next, he's a blushing mess. or that he has this look in his eye when he talks about skate boarding, or that he just never takes that red beanie off, or maybe he toys with his hands when he's talking about something personal or the way his lips look when--” josh cut off brendon's love struck ranting.

“alright” he said loudly, his heart hurting at how much brendon liked tyler and how good he would be for him. for a second josh thought, brendon would be the perfect boyfriend. tyler wouldn't want me, all i do is hurt him. but then he shook his head, no, i'll let tyler decide, he thought because he'd read way too many fanfictions.

“alright, just, um that's a lot of reasons” was the only thing josh could say, he tried to hide it but the pain in his voice could be detected from miles away.

brendon smiled sadly, “i'm sorry josh”

“for what, your feelings?” josh found himself asking and he realised just how hard this was in brendon as well and he thought just what he was doing helping the kid like someone else just because it hurt josh for brendon to like tyler.

just how selfish was he anyway? that was tyler's choice to make. to choose either josh or brendon.

of course they'd had their moments, josh and tyler, where they kissed the sorrow out of each other but that didn't guarantee tyler would choose him. they were toxic, both of them, josh knew but he kinda wouldn't have it any other way because if he wasn't his broken, outspoken self, he'd probably had never met tyler.

but tyler deserved better. he deserved someone who didn't make him bleed his fists protecting them. he deserved someone who didn't stand him up or get him lost in the forest or make him build tree houses, or wake him up way too late in the night to teach them how to skateboard. tyler deserved someone who wasn't so selfish and self-centered.

tyler deserved someone who wasn't josh.

so maybe josh was stupid, or insecure or plain out selfless when he told brendon, “y'know what? if you like him, go ahead and ask him on a date, bro”

brendon looked shocked. no, actually he looked terrified, “is this a trap?” he asked cautiously.

josh chuckled painfully, “no it's not.” he said, “you're good for him, brendon. just treat him right”

brendon looked as if he was about to say something when tyler walked in, he didn't say a word but he looked mad and josh was worried something had happened. tyler still had the bandage on his hand from the day before and josh didn't go to school that day so he and tyler left for the library together.

“ty, you okay?” brendon asked but tyler didn't even spare him a glance, he just proceeded to write angrily in the book register.

josh and brendon realised he didn't want to talk. about it so they left him be and that was that.

|| - //

why do you think tyler is so mad?