The Weirder Thoughts of an Aquarius(me)

2018 Recap

I know for me it's only the 30th but somewhere in the world it's already the 31st so I'll right this now.

2018, it was a shit show. I honestly think 2017 was way better for me and probably a lot of people. We'll go month by month on why it sucked.(there's a TL;DR at the bottom)

January- It was January. I went to Quebec with a bunch of bitches and even if I did have fun I didn't enjoy it. I had too much work and I was still trying to update my books so hooray for me. My anxiety was stabbing me nearly every day at this point and things were not good.

February- Still not good. I think it was around this time I joined a rp. For the majority of this month, it helped me out a lot and I felt a little better. Overall still too much Anxiety and work but nothing that memorable.

March- This was not good either. I was slowly letting the rp take over my life since pffft, I had no other friends to talk to might as whale do something else. This was not a fun month and work was still hard and so was my anxiety.

April- Oh boy April. I went to D.C. and enjoyed it too! Wanna know why? Cuz I didn't hang around the drama my friends were creating. I really feel like my Cancer friend was in fact slowly becoming Cancer along with the Pisces Bitch she hung around. That was a great trip. My anxiety was still bad but it got worse. Yeah it just wouldn't stop. Idk what to tell ya but something was making it bad.(it was how I was slowly disconnecting with my actual life)

May- Oh shiste. I had three really bad Anxiety attacks in this month. All in one month. I had a trip to Hershey Park where I had my first one. It was in the morning before the competition and it was probably caused by all my stress and the fact my friend was crying for most of the previous day even my Leo friend is the bestest mom friend. So yeah that was fun, still had a good time for about an hour at the end so okay. Then once during gym on the track after being made to run which just put my body into panic mode so I ended up on a patch of grass crying while trying to put myself back together. I got no help from any friends. Then one last time near the end of the month in a gym locker room and my Leo mom friend took me down to the nurse's so that was good.  Overall this month sucked. A lot, -10 out of 10 would not recommend. Oh yeah I was completed in the rp, all the way in, head first and it was baaaaad.

June- I had another anxiety attack in the morning before exams and wanted to die but I didn't. Also I had a MUD field trip my school does and that was fun cuz I avoided the drama. It was neat. After school ended I lost track of time and went into a spirlaing downward. Also the rp started making me depresso so that was not good.

July- My Cancer friend left for Florida and I said happy birthday to her and haven't spoke to her since so okay. But maybe I'm being too harsh on her since it was Pisces Bitchs fault for everything not her. Also at this point I went into a giant depression and decided to leave the rp which was the best decision ever. So I decided to finally start taking action over my life instead of letting my anxiety do it for me. This month lasted forever for me.

August- August was noice. I ended up feeling really hyped and nice. I had taken my break from Wattpad and started drawing a bit more which was also good. By the end of the month I started questioning hey am I really straight cuz one night I reflected on my thoughts and self and realized, these aren't normal thoughts. So I had that question on my mind. This month was really good.

September- School started up again and it wasn't that bad. I could talk to people and actually wake up before 12pm so I had a schedule wether I like it or not. This month went by calmly and by the end I decided yeah I'm Bi but I'll stay low for a bit to make sure I'm not just being obsessive. Also I had realized that the previous school year I was an asshole so yay me.

October- October was great. It was peaceful I was happy and the world was great. I had started making attempts to lessen my horrid anxiety about people and it worked a bit. Then it got cold. Also Halloween was great and it was prolly my last one ever but who cares I had fun. October was great, that's the moral of the story.

November- I swear to God the first two weeks of November went by at a normal pace and then it was December. November was also good. It was fun and low stress. I liked it. Not much to say here.

December- So December some shiste went down and now I avoid the lunchroom cuz oof. Also I got a lot of stuff for Christmas which was awesome. Plus at school I gave some friends some Christmas theme narwhal sticky notes and they seemed really happy about it so I felt really good about that. So moral of the story is making people smile because you made just a few lil things and gave one of em to them is really rewarding and I feel like a better person. I could go on forever about it but I won't.

So the TL;DR of it all is that January-June I was constantly on the verge of an anxiety attack due to many reasons. In July I was depressed and August-December I was really happy and dealing with my problems in a healthy way now being more open.

Let's hope 2019 is better, but I can only hope. Also future me try not to be stressed and remember you really like coloring and drawing, it helps.