TomTord One-shots

So let's watch the rain-angst

A/N This was super inspired by the song above

Tom watched the rain fall down to the ground. It just wasn't the same was it? No. No it wasn't. 

His eyes followed a water droplet as it fell to the edge of the windowsill. The rain was like tears. Was he crying? He couldn't tell anymore. The sadness crushing him made him feel numb. He couldn't even remember what it was like to have a dry face or a heart that wasn't aching for the only person he couldn't have. 

Why did his heart have to choose him. He felt the crystal pools of salty water begin to pool at the base of his infinite eyes. The one man in the whole world Tom could never have.

because he was dead.

Tom had loved him, and for a time, the man loved him back. Tom didn't think he could ever go into another hospital again. The smell made him want to gag. The sounds of a heart monitor made him cringe. Hell, even the color white made him want to glare at the wall until the object turned into another color.

They're relationship was shaky in the beginning. Tom was clumsy, unsure, but then he walked outside. "For a smoke." He had said, but Tom knew he was lying because he wasn't wearing that black overcoat that had his smokes in it and he never lit one up the whole time they sat on Edd's porch. 

It was raining, Tom remembered. Yes, It was raining sheets of ice. Christmas would be upon them soon, but that wasn't what had Tom in a bitter mood. The whole day had been shit for the blue boy, he couldn't seem to catch a break no matter what he did. 

He had sat on the back porch as his final option. Usually, it would've been his first, seeing as it was commonly peaceful. A couple of chairs, a pool, the works, but like stated before it was the dead of winter meaning everything was cold and bleak.

The pool had long since been covered in preparation for the cold weather and the trees were all bare. Not to mention it was nighttime, meaning that it was also freezing. Why it wasn't snowing, Tom didn't know. All he knew was that it was raining, a final fuck you from the universe.

That was, until he walked out.

The devil in red the boy had come to love. He nervously chuckled, saying some bullshit lie about he didn't know Tom was out there. Tom knew it was a lie, because Edd was yet to put blinds over the glass doors and his blue hoodie stood out quite a bit in the dim porch lighting.

The man in red shivered. Tom remembered him asking if he was cold too. "Yes." He said, but that was a lie. Tom felt nothing. Not the warmth in his chest from the devil sitting next to him, not the cold nip in the air, not the rain that would sometimes lose it's course and fly into his face. No, he felt none of it. Not a single thing. 

The man had sighed. Tom never knew why. He never asked. He had draped an arm over Tom's shoulders, bringing him close. "I don't know much about this relationship stuff, but I'll try to learn. You're worth it, ya know?"

You're worth it.

The words echoed in his mind. They had at the time, and they did now. They had sat outside in the biting cold and they watched the rain slowly turn into snow, though they were sure it would be gone by tomorrow the stuff probably melting as soon as it touched the iced over land. 

It wasn't winter now. No, it was spring, in fact. The rain Tom was watching was just another April shower, yet there would be no May flowers. 

Except for maybe the one's on the horned man's grave.

A whole year had passed since that night in December. They were happy. So, so, happy. It was May. The weather was warmer than it had been for months, and yet the two were still snuggled up like the heater had stopped working in the middle of a blizzard. 

Edd had laughed at the two, cuddled up like the two lovers they were. He had called them lovebirds, and the man had kissed Tom's cheek. Tom had told him to stop embarrassed, but he didn't, continuing to give small kisses all over Tom's face. He giggled to himself. They were so happy, so in love.

It was a shame that he had fallen out only a few hours later.

He was complaining about a headache and he got up to find the medicine, leaving Tom alone and cold on the couch. Maybe he was being needy, but no matter how much time they spent together, Tom would always yearn for the mans touch.

even more now that he's gone. 

Tom remembered it had began to sprinkle outside when he heard a thump from the bathroom. He shot up and ran to the door, finding his lover sprawled out on the floor, his breath weak. He yelled for Edd to call an ambulance, and began to cry. He looked out the small window above the toilet.

It was pouring rain.

Pouring like that sweet time on the back porch. Raining like it had on their first date. Coming down in absolute sheets like when they would cuddle under the others red sheets for warmth and safety and it made Tom bitter.

How dare the atmosphere taint his memories of the rain to begin coming down as soon as his lover was near dead. What nerve did it have, watching Tom cry and then still raining anyway. Tom glared at the window, not unlike he did in the present. 

Tom had sat by Tord's side the whole time he was at the  hospital. A tumor, they had said. In his brain, it's incurable, they said. Tom gripped his hand tightly, and the other smiled at him weakly. He had gotten worse by then. It was August. He still hadn't left the hospital since that day in May. It was raining. 

"Come, let's watch the rain together again." He had said in his weak accented voice, scooting over as much as he could so Tom could join him on the bed. Tom had climbed in, cuddling up the the taller not unlike he had months ago when he was still at home, and they drank coffee while play arguing over if sugar or creamer was better in coffee. 

Call him crazy, but Tom missed the days when him and his "rival" used to fight day and night. He was beginning to realize why they had fought so much day by day. They loved each other, and neither excepted it, but by the time they did, it was too late.

Tom felt more teas slip down his face, much like the raindrops on the glass pane. He held the blanket tighter too him. The blanket was red. It still smelled like him. 

Tom cried every day for months after he was pronounced dead. The tumor had won. The only man Tom had ever truly loved was gone. 

And suddenly, it just didn't seem worth it.

Why continue to struggle with heartbreak and hardships when he could be with his love? Because his love would want him to be with Edd and Matt during this hard time. He knew it was true. He knew that the death of the man in red was just as hard for his friends as it was for him, yet, he would still argue it affected him more. He had loved him, and now he was gone.

Today was the anniversary of it all, and it was raining. It reminded him of all the times he had sat with the other and just watched the water fall. It reminded him of warm cuddles and coffee kisses, sweets shared between the two and candy coated love. It reminded him or the warmth he once felt. 

But now that warmth just felt like ice encasing his soul.

The car stopped. Edd and Matt got out. "Come on Tom, you have to." Edd begged. Tom was a husk now.  A shell of who he once was. He had been hallowed out once his other half was snatched from right underneath him. 

Tom  grabbed the flowers beside him and walked toward the grave. He didn't bother with an umbrella. It wasn't like he felt the rain anyway.

He reached the marker made of graphite and laid the flowers down. He fell to his knees and hugged the stone. "I miss you..." He whimpered. "They miss you..." Tom looked at his two friends, watching him from a distance. Giving him privacy. "But, for now, let's watch the rain together like we used to, yeah?" He asked meekly, forcing a small smile. He sat by the grave, his paints covered in mud and watched the sky fall.

If only he could feel the transparent arms of Tord around him, then maybe it wouldn't be so bad. If he could see Tord, protecting him with his wings, he wouldn't feel alone. But he didn't. And so he suffered. He watched the rain, and his lover watched with him. 

A/N It's not a year started off right without a heat of the moment angst chapter written at 1 AM