The Light in my Storm

On the Move..... Again(50)

We buried Beth, now we were heading to where Noah lived. Daryl wouldn't talk to me. Eugene lied, he couldn't end this. It was a whole mess. It was going to be a long trip. They were sitting on the side of the road. I was a few yards into the woods where they couldn't see me. I was doing something wrong. How could all these people be dying? Why am I not able to stop it?

I would do anything, for anyone in this group. I loved them, I loved all of them. I leaned up against a tree. What if I hadn't talked back to Dawn. Would that have stopped Beth from getting killed? What if I hadn't let Beth get near Dawn. What if I would've just killed the Governor when I saw him on the tank. Then we would've still been at the prison and Beth would've been fine. All of these decisions and all of them wrong. I broke down... Again. It wasn't just Beth, it was everyone. We had lost soo many people. For some reason, all I could think about was how I should've kept it from happening, all these things I couldn't control. We were close to where Noah lived.

Some of the group went to go check it out with Noah, Rick said it was better if I stayed back. So that's why I was sitting here in the woods. They took a blue car, the rest of us stayed where we were. We had traveled 500 miles to get here. Hopefully the place would still be up and going. I didn't want to cry in front of them, especially Katie. I had to learn how to be strong, I'm weak. I know that now.

"Bella?" I heard someone call. I wiped the tears from my eyes and stood quickly, taking deep shaky breaths.

"Bella?" Someone asked, it was closer.

I turned around. It was Tanner.

"Are you okay?" He asked.

"Yeah, I'm alright," I replied, "I was just- uh- seeing if-"

"You don't have to make up excuses, it's okay to cry you know."

"I wasn't crying," I snapped. He looked at me calmly.

"I'm sorry, I ju-" I trailed off.

"It's okay," He said kindly.

I took a deep breath, it was shaky, I couldn't stop it.

"Come here," He sighed, he wrapped his arms around me in a tight hug. I couldn't help it at that point. I wrapped my arms back around him. Tears fell down my face as I sobbed uncontrollably. He held on tighter.

"This wasn't your fault, nobody thinks it is, nobody blames you. You need to stop being so hard on yourself," He whispered kindly, "You've done a lot of good, you helped get the prison together. You've helped save countless people. You're the reason Mason and I are still alive. I love you, all of us love you."

I didn't respond, I cried for about 5 minutes, it wasn't awkward. Tanner stayed there and talked me through it. Then we had a conversation, he made me feel a lot better. We talk quite often, I knew him pretty well. We did kind of stop talking at the prison for a while. Everyone was caught up in different things, but after everyone was reunited, him and I talked more.

"Thank you," I said softly. He wiped the tears off my face and I smiled slightly feeling much calmer.
*

We were 100 miles away from Washington, I was back with the group instead of in the woods. We were still waiting for Rick and the others to get back. Daryl wouldn't even look at me.

"He'll come around," Tanner whispered before walking over to his son.

*

Back at the prison Beth was singing. It was just me, her, and Judith. She was singing and it was beautiful.

"You gotta hold on"

*

That song lyric went through my head.

"Hold on, hold on," I whispered to myself. I had the locket around my neck that Katie gave me. I still had Daryl's necklace too, but I held onto the locket. I was sitting on the ground. The rest of the group still wasn't back yet. Rick's voice crackled over the walkie talkie Carol had.

I didn't hear. I just sat waiting. They were coming back. Someone had gotten hurt, but I didn't hear who.

*

They got back, we buried another body. Gabriel spoke from the bible. Sasha broke down in tears. Another one of us, gone.... Tyreese was bitten at Noah's house. Nobody was there, the place had been overrun. So we had to go on the move...................... again.

I'm.

Done.

Losing.

People.

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