[ Black Butler One Shots ]

Grell x Depressed! Reader || Request

Requested by idunnowhattowrite666
Enjoy!~
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30K reads?! Thank you guys so much!! That's literally insane! Lol anyway, continue. :P
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Info:
-you are depressed
-Grell and you are best friends
-not a modern au
-discussing topics that may be sensitive to some people! ⚠️
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Your POV
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I silently sob into my arm, trying not to let anyone around me hear. I'm in the servant quarters of the Trancy Manor, as I am his maid.

I had no choice.

My family died a while ago, and I was living on the streets for a good amount of time. That's when Alois found me and took me in. He showed me kindness and hospitality, and then tricked me into becoming his servant.

He started showing his true colors once I agreed, and I was never the same again after he did.

Alois would beat me up, grabbing anything he could to cut or stab me. Once he was finished, he would leave me lying on the ground for Hannah, Claude, or the triplets to fix. As if I were just a broken doll.

That still happens.

Taking a deep breath, I shakily stand and shuffle into my bathroom, looking into my faded EC eyes. Those same eyes of mine travel down my body, looking at all of the scars I've obtained over the years that are visible. Not just from Alois, but from myself as well.

I hate myself for being so naive. For falling for his trickery.

I knew better than that. I know better than that.

I was sixteen then, I'm nineteen now. Alois was eleven then, he's fourteen now.

Shaking my head, I lift up my ragged shirt to look at my stomach, seeing multiple stab wounds from Alois and small cuts from me. Letting the shirt drop, I stare down at my feet.

Blanking out for a moment, I blink a few times and come to reality again.

I brush my hair swiftly and change into a different pair of clothes, still pants and a long sleeved shirt.

Today I have to run some errands, and there's no chance of me wearing my maids uniform outside. It's too...revealing.

Let's just say that Alois is very perverted..gross.

Slipping on my shoes, I head upstairs and out the door quietly, ignoring that fact that I must still have puffy red eyes from crying.

After an hour of walking around in town and gathering groceries for the Trancy Manor, a loud voice startled me as they yell, "OOHH!~ YOU'RE A CUTIE!"

I jump and drop my bags, breathing heavily as I thank my lucky stars that nothing breakable are in those bags.

A...female?...appears in front of me as I pick my bags up, and I flinch. She has long red hair, red glasses, green eyes, and pointed teeth that remind me of a shark. She's wearing a smile, but then she drops and helps me gather my things, apologizing.

We stand and she hands me my things, and I give her a tiny smile. "Thank you, and it's fine.."

She stares at me for a moment longer, causing my face to heat up, when she begins to yell in excitement again. "That was so cute!!"

Chuckling nervously, I pull one of my long sleeves down unconsciously as I mutter, "Um, thank you...I-I really need to go. Goodbye.."

"Wait! What is your name?"

"My-My name..?"

"Yes, what is it?"

"...YN. What's yours?"

"I'm Grell, darling."

•••

It's been several weeks since I first met Grell, and I've fallen for her real quick. She visits me regularly at the Trancy Manor, always managing to annoy the other servants and Alois.

She found out that I work here from following me home one day...it was a little stalker-ish, but I know she means well.

I've gone deeper and deeper into my depression in the mean time, and it's gotten to the point where I've had suicidal thoughts..

(AN: If you are experiencing any of these things, please seek out help. You are important and loved. Don't leave us. Please. This isn't the way.)

You know what? Why don't I just go through with it? End it all? I won't have to feel anymore pain...I can escape it all.

Making up my mind, I trudge my way up to the roof of the Trancy Manor, standing close to the edge.

Feeling the breeze brush through my messy hair, I am surrounded in a space full of peace and tranquillity. Fluttering my eyes shut, I breathe deeply, as this will be one of the last few breaths I will ever take on this planet.

Opening them again, I watch my feet as I step up to the edge. I look down below then at the sky, the Earth dark and stars twinkling as if waving me goodbye.

Turning my gaze back to the ground below, I let a few tears trail down my cheeks as I close my eyes once more. About to lift a foot to jump to my demise, I hear a petrified voice call out to me.

"YN!! DON'T!"

I stand still, my eyes shooting open again and glance behind me, more tears flowing down my cheeks and off of my chin. It tickles my face, but I make no effort to wipe them away as I stare at the reaper I love coming my way.

Grell.

She stands a few feet away from me, her face utterly broken and full of pain.

She doesn't know the half of it. What pain feels like.

And I don't want her to know.

Grell raises her hands in a gesture that one would use to show someone else they mean no harm, trying to calm me down. As if I'm some animal about to run away.

Which I am.

I'm about to "run" off of this Earth, and into the next life.

Where, hopefully, everything will be nicer. More welcoming than this one.

Maybe I'll even get to see my family again.

I would love that.

"YN, please don't do this," Grell pleads, tears in her eyes. "This isn't the way."

"I'm sorry, Grell," I tell her sincerely, not knowing what else to say as I face her fully. I lift my foot up and look Grell in the eyes, saddened as I say, "I truly am.

...

...I love you."

I then jump off the side of the manor, falling swiftly down to the ground. Grell crying out my name and rushing after me.

I black out before I could even feel myself hitting the ground.

I'll finally be at peace.

•••

I wake up in extreme agony, unable to move much. I weakly look off to my side and meet the eyes of Grell.

"Don't ever try that again, YN...

...

...because I love you too much to let you go."

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-CastrarWolf