faking it ; shawmila ✅

chapter 11

Camila's POV

{present day}

I texted Shawn once Anthony got to my apartment. He looked like a mess so I sat him down on my couch and before I could say anything, he started explaining himself.

"Camila I get it if you want to be with Shawn. I just..I love you so much. I know it doesn't show, but I've been struggling with myself and my anger issues and it's just..it's hard. I can never truly express my love to anyone, it just turns into a nightmare."

He loves me? Is he joking? What person likes to hit the person they love? What person blackmails someone they love?

He sighed and continued "I've loved you so much but I was scared that I will hurt you back in high school so I distanced myself from you..for your own good, and when I actually did hurt you, I just..I didn't know what to do with myself. But bumping into you after so long just made me feel like I needed to try, I couldn't stop loving you Camila."

He didn't stop and kept talking "I tried to keep my anger issues under control but seeing you with Shawn just pushed me past the edge of it all. When you finally kissed me and then we had..we slept together..I thought maybe you're ready to be with me, but you told me it was a mistake..and once again Shawn was at the root of this somehow..I didn't know what to do so I acted the way I did. I'm sorry."

I shouldn't have led him on. That was a bad move on my part but I was so angry at Shawn that I ended up making a horrible mistake.

"Say something." He moved closer to me on the couch and held my face in his hands, making me flinch back.
"Anthony..I..I love Shawn. I can't..I can't.." I said making his face fall instantly. His hands left my face and he just stared at me.

"Okay. I understand." He sighed again.

His fingers reached my lips and he stroked the swollen and painful areas with his thumb. My breathing hitched and my mouth went dry.

It feels wrong.

"I'm sorry I did this to you." He said. I didn't dare look him in the eyes.

I don't like where this is going.

I grabbed his hand and pulled them off my lips. I held onto his hand so that he couldn't touch me again.

"Anthony I-"
"You don't need to explain yourself. I know. I'm just not someone that can be loved. I know it. But it doesn't hurt to try right?" He chuckled sarcastically and relaxed himself on the couch. He looked up at the ceiling and closed his eyes shortly after, and asked "What is it about Shawn that you love so much?"

I love everything about him. I love how he takes care of me. I love how he is always there for me. But I don't want to tell all this to Anthony, and why does he want to know anyways?

"I don't feel comfortable talking about it." I said.
He turned to face me and then just looked at me. His eyes darted from my eyes to my lips, creating tension between the two of us.

He moved closer to me again and cupped my face in his hands "I can't stop loving you. I can't. Give me one chance please. Just one. I'll..I'll be a better person..I'll take care of you..I'll love you more than anyone else..more than Shawn..just please..I need you to give me one chance to prove myself." He pleaded.

I gave him a second chance by letting him back into my life and he failed horribly. I don't know if I can afford any more chances.