"Hello." I answered my phone. I really didn't feel like talking to anyone, but I knew my momma would be on her way over here if I didn't.
"Hi, baby. How you feeling?" She asked in her usual concerned voice. I felt like shit, but I would never tell her that.
"I feely better, actually a lot better." I lied.
"You don't sound any better. Have you eaten anything?" My mother was the only person who called see right through me without even trying.
"I haven't eaten yet, but I'm probably going to order a pizza." I replied. That too was a lie. I hadn't eaten in two days and I wasn't planning on eating again today. Once again, I was depressed and all alone. My mother and sister had my kids because I was in no shape to care for them. They didn't need to see me in the condition I was in.
"Courtney, you need to come over here with me and your sisters. You should be around family at a time like this. Or we could come over to you. I know these babies miss you and their house." My momma said.
I missed my kids to death, but it's not much I can do for them right now. I stayed in the bed or on the sofa most of the day. It wouldn't be fair to them to be stuck in the house all day watching me feel sorry for myself.
"It's quiet in there. Where are my kids anyway?" I asked changing the subject.
"Camilla took them to the store."
We both held the phone without speaking for a while. I know my mother was only trying to help, but I had to figure my own way out the mess I created.
"Well, I'm going to let you go, but if you change your mind about coming over just let me know." She said before hanging up.
I was so happy she didn't push the issue like she would normally do. I just wanted to be left alone with my thoughts.
It had been days since Jay got locked up. I only wanted to teach him a lesson for putting his hands on me, but I never intense to press charges. It never dawned on me that he might have a gun with him. Now he was being held for probation violation. That was never the plan and I regretted my decision to get the police involved. I was just so hurt when Jay left out the house that night and my emotions were all over the place.
I was so hurt when he chose Beyoncé over me and his kids. I was the one who was down for him when he went to jail all those times. I was the one who gave him his kids and I was the one whose hand he took in marriage.
Even after all of that, Beyoncé was the one who always benefitted from my hard work. He was fucked up that he could ever leave me for cheating on him when he did the exact same thing. I saw it with my own eyes, but he didn't care. No matter how much I tried to deny it, she was the one who truly had my husband's heart and the pain was too much to bare.
As crazy as it sounds, I was happy that he was in jail for one reason only; Beyoncé couldn't have him either.
Jay's whole family was mad at me for sending Jay to jail. I wanted to talk to him so that I was considering dropping the charges. I tried calling Ty and his sisters, but none of them wanted to talk to me. His mother told me to give everybody some time to come around, but I doubt they ever would. It was no surprise that his dad told me to never call his phone again. I was never his favorite person anyway.
They never even tried to consider how I was feeling at the moment. I've been bending over backwards since day one to please Jay and everything I did was to make him happy. I recall risking my life and my freedom for him more than once. I was his ride or die chick. I would've done anything for him.
I knew that he was never the marrying type, but none of that ever mattered to me. I thought that if I done everything right, stuck by his side and did everything he asked, I'd be able to change that.
When I saw he was getting bored with out marriage, I offered to let him bring other women into our bedroom. That was the beginning to the end of our marriage. Soon after that was when Beyoncé came into the picture and the rest is history.
I got up from the sofa and decided to go through the mail that was piling up on the floor while I waited. I was hoping that Jay would right me to let me know how he was doing, he never did. I caught a glimpse at my reflection in the mirror as I stood up and I was a complete mess. My hair was matted on top of my hair like a beehive and my eye was was black and slightly swollen from when Jay hit me the other day. I shuffled through the mail until I came across a letter that was addressed to both me and Jay.
I jumped up when I heard the timer go off in my bathroom. I was nervous, but I was ready to get it over with. I walked into the
bathroom, opening the letter that I just discovered in my mail. I dropped to the floor once I discovered the contents of the letter. Jay had made a fool of me once again, but I promise this will be the last time. I already know what I have to do.
Here I am standing in my bathroom with divorce papers in one hand and a positive pregnancy test in the other.
{FIN}
