Almost two months had gone by and I haven't seen or heard from Jay since he left my house that Monday night and once again, I felt like a fool. I tried to do everything right while he was here and I thought we were making progress. I cooked a hot meal everyday and made sure the house was clean from top to bottom. He was served breakfast in bed every morning while at night I tended to his sexual needs. Jay and I haven't slept together in months so I was enjoying every minute of it.
My daughter had told me that Beyoncé was back home, so I knew she was the cause of this disappearing act. I guess he didn't want to see me because he sent Ty over to get the kids when he wanted to spend time with them. All of my calls went straight to voicemail, so I assumed he had my number blocked. My weight was down again since I was too depressed to eat much of anything. Lately, I always seemed to be the one to get the short end of the stick when it came to my so called husband. Even still, I was not ready to give up on my marriage.
I was on my way to a bar and grill in Uptown New Orleans to meet my sisters for drinks. They were pissed at me because they thought I but them on the back burner when I though Jay and I were getting back together, It was true, but I would never tell them that. Jay and my sisters didn't get along so I stopped answering the phone for them when he was there.
When Camilla came over unannounced one day, I didn't let her in. I didn't want to risk Jay leaving under any circumstances so I met her outside and talked to her on the porch. It took me over a month of apologizing to get them to meet with me today. I already lost Jay; I couldn't lose my sisters too. That would kill me for sure.
When I pulled up I saw Chariece sitting in her car so I pulled up next to her. Camillia pulled up a few seconds after I did and parked next to me. We all exited our cars and made our way to our usual seats on the patio.
"Hey ladies," I spoke as we took our seats.
"Hey," they both said dryly. I knew they were still pissed and they have the right to be. I basically said "fuck you" when I thought Jay and I were getting back together. They didn't deserve that when all they did was try to help me.
"Look y'all, I know y'all are still pissed, but from the bottom of my heart, I apologize." I sincerely said. "Please forgive me." I said with tears in my eyes.
"I forgive you, Nene, but you need to get yourself together." Camilla said.
"I'm trying, Camilia, I really am, but it's hard." I said with tears in my eyes.
"It's only as hard as you make it." said. Camilla said.
"You made Jay your whole life and now you feel you can't live without him. You need to start thinking about your kids too." Chariece said.
"You're starting to lose weight again too." Camila added.
"I know I am. My appetite is all messed up." I cried.
"Courtney, you need to stop all of this." Camila spat. "Jay is a dog, plain and simple. Don't you ever think for a second that he's not going to do her the same way he did you. That's just the way he is. You're a pretty girl Courtney and you can have any guy you want. You're just too hung up on Jay to realize that."
My sister is right, but I can't move on and I don't want to try to.
"Camila you're right, but I want a family and that means my husband and children under the same roof."
"Girl, please!" Chariece yelled while standing to her feet. "I try to keep quiet sometimes, but you need to hear the true without us sugarcoating it for you. You are not the only woman who is not with the father of their kids and you are not the only woman who divorced their husband. He's running around treating that girl like royalty and you're sitting here crying about it like a dumb bitch. He treats her better than he's ever treated you. You need to stop making a fool out of yourself behind a man who doesn't give a fuck about you! FUCK SHAWN CARTER!" She yelled.
