Jilted Junkies :||: Kenny x Reader || South Park Fanfiction

Chapter Seven

Cough syrup. The bane of my exsistance... The light of my life. I stared at my dark ceiling, sipping it, and sipping it until everything was splotchy. All of this complicated planning stuff was stressful. I just wanted to get out of this town... But I couldn't until this Pringles thing was solved. The cough syrup was the closest thing I could get to liquor. It helped me forget about stuff.

This place was so lonely. Dark, and dry, and totally cold all the time. I went to sleep wearing my coat every night. But what I hated the most was the fact that there was no shower. I really needed to get rid of that dumb Man-bear-pig. But considering getting out of town.... all of this made me realize that the buses wouldn't open again unless the Pringles were found. And that would mean the town had to go through all of that mass chaos business.

I almost forgot that the police had been searching for it too.

So when the officer busted down my shed door, looking for Al Gore, all I could do was sit there in shock and confusion. They pointed guns at my head, and I threw my hands in the air. For a minute I thought they knew about my parents, and the fire. But once they started talking about the Pringles, I knew I was safe.

"PUT YOUR HANDS IN THE AIR!!" The officer screamed.

"MY HANDS ARE IN THE AIR!!" I screamed back.

"MA'AM I'M GONNA HAVE TO ASK YOU TO CALM DOWN!!" He screamed at the top of his lungs, to the point where he squeezed his eyes shut and cracked his voice.

"YOU CALM DOWN!" I yelled back.

"NAHO YAHOU!!!" He yelled back.

"NO YOU!!" Now my god damn voice was cracking.

"Alright everyone just calm the fuck down!" The head officer finally said, "Little girl, you're under arrest as a witness, we think you have some information that we must extract from your mouth..." The officer stared at me, and the atmosphere suddenly became unreasonably tense.

"Uhh... I think I'm a little too fucked up right now... For this..." I told him.

"OH- Sir!! Looks like we got us a syrup sipping son of a gun!" The officer said, picking up the empty cough syrup bottle.

"Oh nooo- you got me! The little homeless girl drinking her completely legal cough syrup in a shed, that I found, by the way, in the middle of the woods. Good work officers! Looks like you really did it this time! Didn'tcha, boys?!" I said. They all just looked at me for a second.

"Uh... sir, I think she's making fun of us." One officer said.

"What? No she's not..." He looked at him.

"What, no way, José. You guys, this is a great case! The little girl, totally unrelated to the Pringles, is going to get thrown in jail! Yeah, let's make her late for school- and put her behind bars! And fill out mountains of paper work for no reason!" I looked at them with an irritated expression.

"See? She's supporting us! Come on, boys, let's cuff her." The head officer smiled.

"What- Awe come on! Are you guys really too dull to recognize sarcasm!?" I screamed as they put the cuffs around my hands. I groaned when they dragged me out of my house. I grunted, and struggled when they forced me into the car. I glared out the window the entire time the blue and red lights flashed against the moving streets. This was so stupid.

When they brought me into the station I was beyond angry to see familiar old Officer Brady.

"Yep. That's the one, boys!" He said.