Jilted Junkies :||: Kenny x Reader || South Park Fanfiction

Chapter Seventeen

"I told you you weren't being enough of a douche bag! Now she'll never love you, you stupid fuck-ass!" Cartman screamed at the buff Butters, making him yelp, and cover his face with his bulging arms.

"I-I'm sorry, Eric! It seemed to be going really good, and then she started talking about Kenny touching her boobs- a-and then I couldn't stop thinking about it- a-a-"

"Okay, okay... Listen to me, Butters. Rule number one about being a douche bag. When a girl you really like bruises your ego, you become a huge dick and start flirting with other girls, it's common sense!" He said.

"Well you know what, Eric? Even if I like the muscles and stuff, I'm starting to think this won't work." He crossed his muscular arms.

"Won't work? The hell do you mean, Butters? You know if you try to double cross me I'll put you in a shock collar." He said.

"R-right, but... part of the reason I like Y/n is because she doesn't care about what people think of her. Not even a sexy douche bag..." Butters explained, making the fatass roll his eyes.

"Butters. We went over this! Skanks will always fall for the douche if you do it right, now come on! We're heading to plan B." He said, picking up his phone.

"Uh oh... plan B..." Butters scratched his head.

"Shut up, Butters," Cartman grumbled, typing in the password to Butters' new Instagram account.

"I hate Walmart." I sighed.

"Dude, that lady was a bitch! She wouldn't take my fifteen bucks, she couldn't count it or something! She just kept asking for a twenty!" Kenny frowned at the wad of ones and fives in his brown, mitten-covered hand.

"It's fine dude. At least she freaked out and knocked over that gumball machine. I caught like twenty of the fuckers just rolling away!" I smiled as I placed my hand on his back, showing him the tons of colorful candies in my pocket.

"Yeah. I scooped up like thirty of em." He laughed behind his hood, his eyes lighting up in my direction.

"So cool-" I felt something buzz in my back pocket making me freeze and bust right into self defense mode.

"What?" He asked.

"My ass just did something-" I reached into my pocket and found a smartphone.

"The hell? Oh- shit!" I smiled. It was brand new. I turned it on and looked at the screen.

"You stole a phone from Walmart??" He questioned in shock, but also seemingly impressed.

"Not that I remember... maybe I zoned out... that weed we smoked up was killer, dude." I smiled at him.

"Yeah..." His cheeks lifted to a grin behind his hood, "but... how the would you have gotten away with that?"

"Not a clue." I stared at the password and thought for a moment. Then, just for shits and giggles, I typed in "ILoveKenny"

It turned on. I blinked at the screen full of iPhone apps, and for a second, I had to reprocess what just happened.

"Oh my God, the password is ILoveKenny." I told him.

"Aw..." He said.

"Yeah, I mean, I didn't set it as that." I shrugged.

"Oh... that's kinda creepy." He sighed. I nodded in agreement, before opening Instagram. And just like that, I had my own account and everything. My account was called

xXxXXxTHOTTY_MCxXxSIDE_CHICKxXXxXx

I even had three pictures on it. One was a creepy picture of me stuffing a hotdog in my face at a public park. It looked like someone took it while they were hiding, because neither one of us knew who took it. Most likely Cartman after a bit of examination. There was another picture of me flipping off Craig, and another picture of me and Kenny making out in the girls bathroom at school.