fortuity | jhs

+01: 엄마

mina

it's the day. the day where i was hoping to past soon, to at least it wouldn't feel and seem to be more painful than it is.

it's happening, right under my eyes. "she's resting peacefully and i'm sure she's very proud of you mina," jin finally speaks after a moment of silence since we arrived in the cemetery.

"i- when? when did she die?" i ask and i slowly descend down to the ground, in some understandings that i would feel her presence more.

around a month ago, yoongi slipped and another secret was spilled.

i thought it wasn't worth to listen to, remembering that jimin clearly said that whatever words came out from yoongi's lips when he's drunk was all full of nonsensical chatters and blabbering, and how i'm still slowly recovering from the memory loss.

but the way jin reacted to his words shows another story, and i believed in yoongi's words almost immediately when seokjin bangs the glass full of beer onto the table.

my mother's gone and i hardly have any remembrance of her.

"two years before your accident. you were fourteen back then." he answers and then crouches down to gently place the bouquet of pink carnations on her gravestone.

i said a few things to her, both out of the need to do so and because i haven't actually known who my mother is for nearly a decade and where she is, then we both started walking away from her grave.

"you've always wondered why you have that particular reaction to sweets?" he gives me a question, much further to leave me more curious.

i look up to see him and his expression doesn't give much for me to guess, "yes." i answer back and he nods as we reach the gate.

he stops, once we're a bit far from the cemetery, "mina, it's because every time you eat something sweet, it reminds you of mama."

"i opened the patisserie because it reminded me of her." he smiles sentimentally and continues, "she had cancer, leukemia. during her first year of chemo she chose to not tell you."

my eyes go wide and i remain silent, wanting to hear more about her.

his smile is cryptic, in a way it's screaming in pain and in some way, i feel it. "i found out slowly and it hurt me more to keep it out from you, until one day she started adding sugar into almost everything she cooks." this is where it comes into realization for me and i try to sustain myself from it.

"you being the bright student catches up with her abrupt change and found out. to be honest, she was disappointed at herself that you had to know early."

and now i'm close to being silent, while i see an occurrence of all possibilities or even recreating any scenes in my mind doesn't end to being something a part of my memories.

"mina, when your mother married my father i was more than grateful to have a mother again, at least to feel what having a mother feels like." he speaks and i could feel his urge to break and cry.

after a couple of attempts to stop tearing up, he laughs out of the blue — seeing how this rarely happens when he's with me. "all i'm saying here is, if you have any questions about what happened before your accident or what she was like, just call or ask me and i'll tell you all. no more secrets!" he exclaims a bit hilarious and raising his pinky up.

i nod vigorously and intertwines my pinky with his, "deal."

"so," i say once we start walking again.

"how did i meet hoseok in the first place?"

he sighs and takes a deep breath histrionically, "you're really going this far huh?"

"well, you said to ask you..."

"it started with you and him being locked in the school theater during a snowstorm."

"d- during a snowstorm? what the heck?"

"yes and i swear i remember you coming home and cried for wanting a warm bath."

whilst our walk and me hearing his way of telling me the past, the cold and shiver clouds me more to longing the feel of warmth from the people that surrounds me.

my mind goes back to what yoongi once said, "they would leave traces, bits of stories you have forgotten."
and it's always mesmerizing how humans could remember the touch or the scent of a certain someone but forgets any occurrence that might hurt themselves.

the lingering scent of daisies and freesias comes to mind and for me, remembering her scent is the only thing i have left and that's more than enough.

· ──── ·𖥸· ──── ·

update!
gosh, i miss this fanfic so frickin much. i nearly cried writing this, i know i'm an emotional bish.

I feel the need to explain this:

So, people who goes through chemotherapy usually have this particular taste of metal on their taste buds, and it's irritating af[that's what my aunt told me] and one of the ways to get rid of it is with candy or anything sweet in particular. 

Besides that metallic taste on their tasting buds, some foods usually tastes bland for them and it's quite difficult to differ.

Mina actually doesn't have any problems with sweets, but the way she naturally declines sugary things is her mind's way to protect her from any memories about her mother.

I guess that's it, thank you for reading and please leave your thoughts and votes.
xx, sunny.