Alternate (Phan)

2*Train Tracks

Phil

I was walking around Manchester, it's where I kind of settled. It was wiped out by a nuclear blast, but that was years ago so the soils started healing and the farming situation was pretty good. Connecting to threads was easy as well, so I could post much easier here than York.

I lost my family three years ago, when I was twenty. I was pretty lucky, to be honest. Although, there was a downside and that's that I had twenty years to get close to them. So, when I came home to learn that the submil had taken them hostage and shot them, it destroyed me.

I wish I had the chance to meet the person who did that to them. I'd have no mercy no matter the person. Remember that. That's what I tell myself.

I checked the date.

Shit.

It was a year ago I jumped. I climbed on top of Manchester Station building, and jumped off.

But I landed fine.

It's impossible, I know that much. But, I'm a big believer in fate, so I just think that I didn't die for a reason. There's always a reason. That's why I'm not mad at the war, just the people in it. Once the evil people have been erased, then the world would be cured.

Even I know that I'm too optimistic for this place.

I think it was three years ago, yeah it would have been because I posted a week after my family was...shot, that I posted to WeTube. I just knew that I was optimistic, so I wanted to spread that. It makes me sad seeing others like that.

I woke myself up from my thoughts, losing myself in them. I realised I'd walked to the station. God, thoughts really do take over. It didn't matter, at least I knew where I was this time. I wandered an hour away last time and had to use a thread map to find my way back to my box.

A box is what people used to call a home. But homes were full of love, whereas a box is for practicality.

I heard the train coming, so I decided to have a potter over, I like watching the colours zoom by.

I made it to the platform when a young boy was sitting on the edge. He was drumming his fingers and feet against the concrete.

Shit, he's going to jump.

I glided over, making sure I didn't startle him, and the second I grabbed him by the shoulder and pulled him out of the train's way, he was jumping.

Shit. That was intense. If that second was any different, he'd be dead.

Maybe it wasn't thoughts that took me to the station. Maybe it was fate.

The boy was relentlessly hammering his fists into my chest, but I stood a couple of inches over him, holding him in my embrace. He began to calm, so I let him step back, not releasing the fabric from my shoulders that I'd clenched in my fists.

He looked up at me, a look of recognition in his face as he studied me.

God he was hot, the way his dark brown hair fell over his face, the scars that marked him, his dark brown eyes...

Shit back your thoughts up, Phil.

You're married for fuck sake.

'Well, shit.' the boy spat out after his chorus of 'I hate you's'. It was as if he was in tune with my thoughts.

I smiled at him.

'Hello to you too.' I released his shoulders and exercised my hands, they'd tensed up from gripping onto him so firmly.

'You cunt.'

'I would say you're being ungrateful, but I get you.'

'I would question it, but everyone who's living in this world has been suicidal, so I guess you do know.' I bit my lips and nodded, walking away from him, 'Wait what?'

I stopped and turned back round to face him, 'What?'

'You just stopped my eternal happiness and are now walking away?!'

'Well, you can stand there and wait for tomorrow's train that comes by at eight...or you could follow me?'

'Fucking cunt.' I rolled my eyes at his language as I walked away. I heard him sit back down on the platform.

'Mate, I have a gun. So do you by the looks of it. Just shoot yourself.' I spat at him.

'That's not the fucking point, bastard.' I sighed and turned back, sitting next to him.

'Then what's the point?'

'This is how my brother went, so I'm going with him.' That I understood, at least. I jumped off the platform onto the tracks. The boy's eyes widened at me. I beckoned him down with me, so he also jumped. I started pottering down the track.

'Well, is that it?' he questioned at me. I nodded, continuing to walk.

'Mate, I'm just going back to my crappy box, I don't know what you have.'

'Nothing.'

'So, that's not it, is it?' I turned to him, his shoulders shrugging, 'Anyway, what do you think death is?'

'God dude...way to be deep.'

'Trust me, I've been deeper.' I chuckled to myself. He turned to me, raising an eyebrow to which my mood shut down again, 'Well...what is death to you?'

'Happiness. Relief from this world. It's hurt me, so I might as well finish the job.'

'The world doesn't hurt you, it just cuts you deeper.'

'What the fuck's that supposed to mean?'

'It means the world is perfect, it's the people in it that slowly cut you down.'

'Or the lack of people.'

'Or that.' I sighed, continuing down the tracks. We walked in silence for a while.

'Well Phil, I'm Dan.' I nodded, but then back-tracked.

'Wait...how do you...?'

'I've watched you on WeTube for years, you've kept me going until this point, to be honest. Although I don't see how I've kept going because what happens if keeping going is dying? Then you've stopped me from keeping going. But, then again I guess it's just personal-'

'Wait...you know me because of my videos?' he nodded.

'And I've kept you alive up until this point?' he nodded.

'Why did you give up now?' I asked.

'Because you gave up.'

'Shit mate, I didn't give up. I only just started. I've had a kid so-'

'You have a kid?!' It was my turn to nod.

'Shit dude...why the hell?'

'Love mate?'

'Love? Love?! FUCKING LOVE? Dude do you think that's an appropriate excuse to bring a kid into this fucking place?!' I shrugged, then nodded.

'Shit dude, I thought you were just nuts in your videos.' I shook my head.

'Um, what's your name again?' I asked.

'Dan, Dan Howell...' he mumbled off, but I didn't catch the last bit.

'Sorry, what was the-'

'Doesn't matter. Not much does.'