Alternate (Phan)

45*Bruise

Dan

I don't think I left Phil's side for the next four days. I wouldn't have normally - in a literal sense - but I didn't leave him emotionally either. I stayed with him constantly, keeping him in my arms and supporting him each time he broke down. Something changed with him and I hate the idea that this is all because of his ankle, and it probably is. Being injured doesn't just physically exhaust someone, it can mentally too. Something as major as an ankle can feel completely debilitating, and for someone like Phil who's determined to be the backbone for everyone's support, it's challenging. He's not only not able to support others, but had to rely on them. It could be quite humiliating.

I also can't help but feel slightly responsible, bearing in mind I was the one he was running with. I probably shouldn't, but I do and that's that. I wouldn't mind spending a few days being one of those people who understands no such concept of being responsible for others, but I take every last ounce of a person's pain on my shoulders because I care too much. It's not always a bad thing to care to the extents that I do, but it doesn't come as a good thing in every situation, either.

It's because I care too much that I keep denying he hit me.

I mean, it was my fault. It must have been. He apologised straight after anyway. He'd switched and I was trying to get his medication, while he was yelling at me he didn't want it. I passed it to him when he threw it across the tent, slapping-

I mean, it was hardly a slap. He just- he probably didn't mean it that hard. Even if he did, he switched. It wasn't his fault. I can't blame him, that'd be wrong since he was suffering mentally.

But, for fuck's sake I don't want to say slap because that sounds violent with evil intent, but it wasn't. It couldn't.

He didn't want his tablets when I passed them to him. As soon as he hurt me, he had a look in his eyes that showed instantly he regretted it. He switched back the same second. The rest of the night he refused to speak to me, saying he didn't deserve to hear my voice. But he did, he did and does deserve everything, no matter what his voice says to him.

This was a day ago. The bruise on my right shoulder has fully come out now. It could be worse; everything could be worse. It's purple edging on black. He keeps asking to see it, to show him the damage he did to me, but I only know that would upset him more. He doesn't deserve to feel guilty for something he didn't do. It wasn't him, he'd switched. My Phil wouldn't do something like that.

***

I rested against his chest on the mats, letting him stroke my hair as he rambled on about whatever next crazy idea he had. He has a lot of these moments and I don't mind them, in fact I like his random comments because they were so out-of-the-box they're never anything I'd think of myself. He always seemed so enthusiastic about his next invention or new game he could think of, I think anyone would be invested.

'Phil?' I interrupted his train of thought during his ramble.

'Yeah?'

'Do you want to live broadcast?' I questioned, turning my head upwards to face him, with my head still in his lap.

'Sure?' he seemed a bit confused, the answer coming out as if he was asking a question. I smiled, pulling out my connector and starting everything up.

'Hello everyone!' Phil began, waving his hand across the screen. My eyes suddenly darted to the rings on our fingers. Once his hand was back on his lap, I grabbed it and pulled our metal bands off. He turned to me, smiling with an expression of humorous fear.

'Hi guys.' I half-heartedly introduced myself, my voice seeming nowhere near as enthusiastic as I expected, 'What are you guys doing?' I questioned the growing audience, my voice chirping up slightly.

''ThatRock' says they are sleeping.' Phil readout.

'I don't know whether to be impressed at how you're watching this in your sleep or to feel sorry for waking you up- actually, what time is it?' I chuckled at the sudden realisation. Between Phil's breakdowns and Ev's ever-growing demand as a child, our sleep routines were about as regular as my broadcasting routine on wetube.

'Uh,' Phil checked, chuckling as he read out the time, 'Four am, I think that's a new best.'

'Oh, we'll keep reasonably quiet then since Chris and Peej are probably asleep upstairs.'

''Behindyou_dnp' says they are questioning existence.' Phil chuckled.

'I'm with you on that.' I smiled.

''Phanbedsheets' asks what are we doing. Well, I was just lying-' shit saying on Phil sounds suspicious, '...down listening to Phil ramble about something random.'

'Were you even listening?' he rolled his eyes.

'Kind of.'

'What was I even talking about?'

'Um...'

'Dan!' he whined.

'I am normally.'

'Why weren't you this time?!' he whined again. I shot him a glance to tell him to leave it there, seeming I was thinking about how he looked gorgeous the entire time. A blush fluidly spread itself across my face, so I rubbed my finger against my mouth as I attempted to hide the growing smile from the camera.

'Hold on, I'm sitting in a weird angle.' I complained, readjusting my aching back. I craned my neck, hearing a small crack as I released the pressure from it.

''mypetgrassranaway' asks if that's a-' he paused, chuckling as he read the rest, 'a hickey.' he shook his head in disbelief, face instantly dropping once he realised what they were referring to: the bruise on my shoulder. I quickly jumped in to stop Phil worrying.

'Oh, no,' I chuckled, 'I fell over.' I shook it off, Phil and I both instantly realising that was almost impossible to get a bruise on your shoulder from falling over.

'Yeah, he walked into a wall.'

'I kind of fell into the corner of a table at a weird angle.'

We both just stared at random things, realising we'd made a huge mess of the situation. I took a breath, plastering a smile back on my face as I ushered the continuation of the live broadcast.

'Oh my God, have we told you guys Phil dislocated his ankle?' I gasped, realising we'd not told them. There was suddenly a flurry of comments distracted from the bruise issue, appearing on the comment section.

One comment stood out, though:

Don't they seem a bit off? Phil almost looked guilty when the bruise on Dan's shoulder was mentioned.

Luckily, it was engulfed into the onslaught of concerns about Phil's ankle, allowing it to disappear from anyone's concerns.