Alternate (Phan)

20*Pinof

Dan

The next few days I worked with every inch of my body to keep Phil happy. I would have shed my own blood if it came to that. I had a point to life at the minute: to keep this innocent being alive and well. If I failed at that, there was nothing left.

He kept me from switching within those few days, too, since I was too distracted myself. We made it down south, we were somewhere near Milton Keynes, but a dozen miles north. Our small camp was set up inside a building, which was an office of some sort. The population of the world was at least only a remaining third of what was before the nuclear weaponry war, but the numbers seemed to be slowing down in decreasing the last year or so. I guess the big war bosses had given up themselves.

Nope, bring the mind back, not given up. I've not given up. Phil. Phil. Phil. Phil. Phil.

Phil.

I felt a poke to my cheek.

'What?' I chuckled, turning to Phil who was lying on the mats, body propped up with his left elbow.

'You're thinking.'

'Not anymore, spoon.' I smiled slightly, looking into the eyes of the one who made me believe in fate. Soft whimpers came from the nest beside us, so I took the four-month-old out and cradled him to my body.

'I love you.' Phil whispered, placing a kiss to the side of my mouth before curling up to the side of my body.

'I love you, too. You always say that when I'm holding Ev, I'll do so more often.' I giggled, bringing the baby closer to me.

'Are you sniffing him?' I nodded, I loved his smell. It was like Phil's, but softer, like powder in a way. He smelled a bit like me, too.

I pulled my connector out from my belt, checking twatter for something to do. I noticed Phil do the same, so it was just us leaning against each other, passing the time being anti-socially social. I'd like to think we were like this all the time in another universe. In an alternate timeline.

I searched 'amazingphil' into the bar, seeing what recent twaits he had towards him.

M8, ya dead?

Dead? Alive? Banging up a gal?

I'll marry you to get you back online. No, you won't, twat. He's mine.

'Phil?'

'Hmm.'

'Do you want to broadcast?'

'Now?'

'Yeah, we could do it together.' he smirked, raising an eyebrow, 'Not that. Later, at least...' he stuck his tongue out, jabbing my side with his finger.

'Sure, we're doing nothing else. What should we do?'

'We could ask twatter some questions?' he shrugged, nodding before sitting upwards. I went into our bags to take out the camera pod and set it up in front of us, Phil was sending out a twait to his followers.

I'd finished, so I sat back and got back onto my connector, searching trending.

Apart from the war shit, there was really nothing interesting. A famous person got themselves in trouble, but that was all in the top five recents. I scrolled down to the top ten.

Growing wetube sensation 'amazingphil', presumed dead after four-month disappearance, is sighted.

I scrunched my eyes up, this is news? Like, Phil is amazing, but the...Phil...he was...this Phil's mine, so what? I chuckled, clicking on the article.

Growing wetube sensation 'amazingphil' (with a rising number of 500k followers), was presumed dead after four-month disappearance. Recently, as shown in the picture below, he was spotted travelling across the UK. In the picture is less-widely known wetube user 'dan is not on fire' and a baby.

'Ready?' Phil asked.

'Mmhmm.' I nodded, trying to grasp the news a bit. It was one thing hearing about news like this, but being in it? That's fucking weird.

I turned the camera on, leaving over it, trying to work the thing out.

'Is it on?' I asked, staring right into the lens.

'Yes, and now the audience has a lovely view of you staring intensely at them.'

'Lovely, who doesn't want that?' I chuckled, falling backwards and sitting next to Phil.

I had a piece of paper that I'd scribbled a few of the twatter questions onto earlier, gripped tightly in my palms.

'Where have you been?'

'Your mum...! I feel as if this is going to be many of the questions.' I chuckled again, shaking my head as I did so.

'Who the fuck is the Dan guy?'

'Him!' Phil spoke, pointing both fingers at me. I just awkwardly waved at the camera, smiling like I was being forced into a family photo of some sort.

'Can I stroke your glabella?' 

'What's a glabella?' I shrugged my shoulders, laughing at everything.

'Are you secretly cats?' my eyes widened. I scrambled through our bags before pulling out a permanent marker labelled bluntie. I turned to Phil, evilly grinning, before pinning him down and carving cat whiskers onto his face.

'That was painful. Your turn Danny boy.' we continued the rest of the video with dodgy cat whiskers burning into our skin.

'What noise does a giraffe make?'

'What's a giraffe?' Phil asks, throwing his lion at the camera, making it fall onto the floor.

'You're an idiot.'

'Correct!' we set the camera back up and sat back down.

'A giraffe is the animal with a really long neck.'

'Oh, the spotty thing?' I nodded, Phil just made an abundance of noises somewhat resembling a dying carcass.

'Would you lose your nose or your leg?'

'Leg, it would be awkward but I could live off Dan.'

'Would I be providing for you, or are you eating me now?'

'Both!' I scrunched my eyes at him, somewhat considering what he was saying.

'Imagine me without a nose.'

'It could be pretty hot.'

'I'm surprised there isn't a film with a character without a nose; that's discrimination.'

'Poor noseless people.'

'I'd bang you without a nose.'

'You'd bang me anyway.' I chuckled.

'More like the other way.' I widened my eyes at him, he sat there chuckling with his tongue sticking out of his mouth.

'We're editing that out.'

'Fine!'

'Who's baby is that, did you get Dan pregnant?'

'Yes!' I shoved a pillow under my shirt and acted out giving birth. Phil sat there shaking his head at me, pointing at me to the camera as if to say this guy. I held up lion, 'I birthed him!' before shoving the toy into my mouth.

'Je mange le petite enfant.'

'Tu as en prostitute.'

'Yes.'

'Plot twist.'

We ended the video, linking our arms and shaping hearts with our fingers.

'Bye!' we sang in unison.

Although I had a pretty good feeling that this was just the start.