End of Innocence- November 1963

Will to Live!

Jackie paced the floor occasionally stopping to look through the window of the door that led to the white, cold operating room for a sign of any doctor or nurse that could give her an update on her husband. 

Not much had been said when they rushed Jack into surgery upon regaining his heartbeat. Dr. Burkley had accompanied the surgeons into the operation after inquiring as to whether Mrs. Kennedy needed a sedative to help her stay calm, to which she declined.

Vice President Johnson had been hustled out to an undisclosed location in the event the shooting was part of a conspiracy. They needed him safe until the President's condition could be confirmed. Many of the Secret Service Agents were either with him or working with the FBI and Dallas Police investigating the shooting. Only the President's detail, Jackie's detail and the Presidential staff  remained. Many were praying, some were sobbing, others where communicating with various government officials including the President's brother, the Attorney General and the President's cabinet that was in route to Japan. 

Jackie, true to form, was composed, calm and quite as she waited word on her husband. She'd been here so many times before with him. Waiting and praying as he fought for his life. She knew these odd where much less than ever before but still, she wouldn't give up hope. He was a fighter and she would fight this battle along with him till their last breath. 

As she paced the empty corridor, flashbacks from their early married life kept echoing in her mind. How so many days of those early years were spent in and out of hospital, so many surgeries, so many times she almost lost him. Fearing he would never walk without crutches or live his life in debilitating pain, Jack has decided to undergo a dangerous and life-threatening surgery in 1954 in an attempt to fix his back issues caused as a result of a football injury in college and made worse by his heroic effort during the war when his PT 109 patrol boat was rammed by a Japanese destroyer and he saved the lives of many of his crew members. The risk of infection was extremely high due to his Addison's disease but Jack preferred to risk death then live his life as a cripple. As feared, the operation nearly cost him his life. A massive infection set in and Jack was given the Last Rites of the Church. Fearing for her husband's life, Jackie sat vigil for days next to him, praying for him, talking to him, planning their future and dreading what life would be like with-out him.  

In 1954, Jackie was a young bride in love, with hopes and dreams for their future together, this day, nine years later, she was a wife and mother with different hopes and dreams and all of them still included the husband and father she had sacrificed ten years for and who she was more in love with than ever before. Their life together had finally come full circle and they were happier than ever before. No two married people had overcome so much in ten years of marriage as they had and accomplished so much.

Tears filled her eyes as she began to allow herself to imagine a life without him. "Where would she go, what would she do, how could she ever explain such a tragedy to their children," she thought?

"Stop it Jacqueline Kennedy!" She yelled as she shook her head, placing her hands up to her cheeks to wipe away the tears that were falling. "He has a greater will to live then anyone you've ever known and you're not going to lose him today," she continued firmly telling herself. "Not like this and not today," she finished as she slammed through the door that separated her from the operating room. "Not today!"