Infinity || Dan Smith

Nine.

Flashback
2013 | USA

   "What are you doing out here all by yourself?" Dan whispers softly, while he rubs both of her cold pale arms. Although, you can't tell that she's pale. Not under the starry night sky.

   "Nothing..." her American accent lightly trails off while she stares into the alley opposite her. The girl doesn't do anything else. Her eyes are simply fixated on the darkness in front of her.

   Dan awkwardly places both of his arms around her upper body, looking like a big spoon and little spoon. In the strange silence, Dan looks what she's looking at. Only because he's curious and it beats watching a repeat of Naked & Afraid. Of course he finds it weird that she's staring into nothingness, but he doesn't want to say anything at all. She seems...peaceful. He doesn't want to disturb that, so instead he embraces her.

   "We should probably go back into the tour bus." Dan quietly says a few minutes later. Only because he hears Woody from the tour bus roaring with laughter, Dan is one of those guys who doesn't want to miss out on anything.

   But the girl remains stood still. "Babe?" Dan questionably whispers while he removes his arms from around his girlfriend's waist, his palm resting against her stomach. He tries to tug her back into the bus, but she doesn't move.

   Dan then sighs, he knows what's wrong...or at least he think he does.

   "Can I ask you something, baby?" She whispers under her breath. It's almost inaudible but for Dan...he can hear perfectly. He's used to her strange whisperings, she's the only thing he concentrates on. The girl is basically his real life anchor.

   She's without a doubt the reason as to why Dan considers himself a lucky guy.

   He nods his head while she tries not to cry.

   There's been something playing on her mind ever since she fell in love with Dan. "Would you still love me...if it turned out you that you knew nothing about me?" Dan wearily laughs, but he dismisses it as one of her episodes.

   The girl has recently been 'diagnosed' with schizophrenia, she has spells of blue, but it's nothing that can't be solved with medication to numb the pain of her emptiness.

   "Of course I would. Without a doubt." Dan thinks he would.

   But he was oh so very wrong.

   The girl however laughs at Dan's reassurance. She knows that he wouldn't love her. "How the fuck can you love a stranger, Dan?" She then snaps in her thick jersey accent. Dan on the other hand is a little confused as to where his girlfriend wants to take this conversation.

   That is if this girl is his girlfriend, and not one of her 'imaginary friends'. Although she doesn't have a personality disorder, she's forced to listen to her 'friends' in her head. They tell her things which make her destructive. She becomes like a different person.

   "Are you trying to tell me you have a secret life or something?" Dan curiously asks. Sometimes he's scared of what she will do, but then deep down he loves her. He'll always support her, even through the darkest of hours.

   "We all fuckin have secrets, baby. We all die for them in the end. And for what? Who do we please at the end of the day, huh? Who do we please by keeping all of our dirty little secrets to ourselves?!."

   That's when Dan shakes his head. He remains calm, just as a sober Ellie told him to do.

   "Ellie, have you took your pills?" With that Ellie nervously laughs. She has taken them. She just hates the fact that Dan now tiptoes around her. She feels patronised. She hates feeling incapable...she hates feeling sorry for herself. But there is nothing else to do, not really.

   Her whole life is a lie.

   "Of course I fuckin took my pills. I always take them. I'm starting to think that you're the one who needs to start taking them. You're always worrying about me. It's making me feel sick. Worry about your own wellbeing for a change, baby."

   Ellie then pulls her cigarette box and a lighter from out of her pockets. Dan watches her while she lights one up, she offers Dan one but he shakes his head. "Don't smoke that..." Dan whispers looking at her lit cigarette.

   To which she replies, "one cigarette isn't going hurt." Dan then looks away while she presses the harmful substance to her lips.

   "Please Ellie..." he almost begs while she cracks a smile, not doing as she's told.

   In the summer silence, she takes a long deep breath of smoke. The girl has recently took up smoking. Every time she feels like she wants to harm herself, she lights a cigarette instead. Lately she's been chain smoking nonstop.

   Ellie doesn't know what will kill her first. But what she does know that it's either going to be the inevitable cancers, or her dark mind taking it's woes out unfairly on her pale skin.

"Just...just come back inside, babe. We can talk about it on the bus." Dan feels unsafe outside, it feels like someone is watching them. Although, that's just Dan's paranoia. There's no one within a walking distance for half a mile.

"No. Dan. I don't want to go back in there..." tears fall down her pretty face while Dan feels strange about this whole conversation. He wants to hug her but he can sense that she doesn't want to hug him.

   "I'll take you home then, okay?" But Ellie instantly shakes her head.

   "I don't want to go anywhere! I want to stay out here. I need to think. You can't deprive me of my own thoughts."

    Wait, what? - Dan thinks to himself.

   "Let's just get back on the bus, okay? We'll talk later, but for we need to get going." That's a lie and Ellie knows it. The bus isn't leaving until tomorrow night, since that's when Bastille preforms their last gig at this precise concert hall.

   "Bullshit." She whispers loosely crossing her arms.

   "I'm done being the one who lies, or the one constantly lied too. I'm so fuckin done. I'm gonna go somewhere, so don't follow me. I'll give call you in the morning or whatever." Dan doesn't want to let Ellie out of his sight, but he knows that she is sometimes better on her own than with people.

   "Call me as soon as you find a hotel. I need to know whether your-" Dan cuts himself off. Ellie isn't listening, and he knows that. Instead he crosses his arms and leans back against the cold brick wall, watching the love of his life disappear into the darkness.

   Never to be seen again...