Arranged (A Lams FanFic)

Chapter 13

Alexander's P.O.V 
It's only been two weeks without John and Philip even though it feels like longer. I've tried to get my shit together, but it's been hard.  I don't sneak into bars anymore, I don't sleep around with Maria anymore, and I don't pick fights with every guy I see.  I started writing again. I never stopped to be honest. But now I'm writing to support the house. I got a job for the newspaper. It isn't much, but it pays the bills. And I did the math. I've saved up enough money for John and Philip.  John will be able to go to college without stressing about his job and Philip, and I'll take care of Phillip to the best of my ability. Our parents are still technically paying for the house but I want to show John I'm not some asshole who comes and goes.  I get up from my spot on the couch and make some dinner. I don't really make dinner. I just heat up the things John left me. Before he left he made me a bunch of meals because he know I can't cook without losing focus.  I wonder how they're doing. John said he has a job, and we've texted despite the separation. He says when he gets back he wants to talk everything. Which I've been mentally preparing myself for.  I expect questions like:  Where did you go at night?  The park. To clear my head.  Why'd you sleep with Maria?  There is no proper excuse but i did it because I was looking for a stress reliever.  Do you love Philip?  Yes. With all my heart and without a doubt.  Do you love me?  To to milky way and back.  I don't think he'll ask those exact questions though. He's really smart. Smarter than me. Imagine how smart are kid is gonna be. I don't think I'm ready for that. The world isn't ready for that.  I hear my phone chime and dig it out of my pockets. John is calling me. John is calling me. John is calling me. Should I be this excited? It makes sense, it's John.  I click the answer button and take a deep breath. "Hello?" I ask softly. I don't know if Philip is sleeping, and John likes to have the phone on speaker. "Hey Alex!" I can hear his smile. "Hey Pe-...John." I clear my throat. I almost called him Peaches.  "I just wanted to let you know I was thinking about coming home early." I feel my world stop. "Really?" I hear my voice crack. Damnit. "Yeah. Is that okay?"  "Of course! Yeah, definitely. I missed you guys...a lot!" I ramble. "Same here. I've been showing Philip some pictures of you, and I can tell he's starting to wonder who you are." He says.  Is it possible to miss someone so much that you tear up? Because that's exactly what's happening to me right now. "Well come over whenever you feel like it." I smile.  "Is this Saturday okay? You could take Philip out to the park or something like that. You guys haven't spent much time together and I think it will be good for him to get to kno-"  "John?" I hear him stop whatever he's doing over the line. "Alexander." I sigh. "Look. I didn't mean to... I'm sorry that I...you didn't deserve anything that I did." He's silent.  So I decide to keep going. "I don't know why I did any of that. I think I was scared of what we have, or had. You're way too good for me and I'm so sorry for what I've done."  He's still quiet. For a minute I thought he ended the call, but I can still hear his breathing. "I...I love you." I whisper.  "Then start showing it."  And with that he ends the call.  ***  two weeks later  Everything needs to be perfect. Even more perfect than John if that's even possible.  I tried to baby proof the house. I got rid if all the sharp stuff, but i didn't have those outlet things to cover up the outlet so babies don't electrocute themselves. But Phillip isn't crawling yet so I think he'll be good. I did my research. Babies don't crawl until they're about six months old.  I hear a knock on the door. After I have a heart attack, and say a quick prayer to Jesus, I open the door.  There stands John with baby Philip in his arms. They look so similar it's a bit scary.  "Hi." John giggles. I've missed his laugh so much. "Hello." I smile. I don't know if I should hug him or not. I'll let him initiate hugging.  I let them inside and sit down in the living room. "I'm surprised you kept this place so clean." He says sitting down. "It wasn't easy believe me." I smile.  He sighs and sets Philip down to play with his toys. "I've missed these couches." He tells me. "And why's that?" I laugh.  "The couches at the apartment are so stiff and gross. These one's are nice and fluffy." He says bouncing a little.  For awhile we just sit and talk. We catch up on everything that's happened. Two weeks may not seem that long but to me I feel like it's been forever. Finally, John decides to talk about what happened with us.  "What are we Alexander?" He asks softly. For once in my life, I'm speechless. He didn't ask what i expected him to.  The room is filled with the sound of the air conditioning and Philip's babbling.  I look down at my hands. "I don't know John." He nods. "I want us to be happy. I don't want us fighting twenty-four hours a day. I can't forget what you did, but I forgive you. I really do." He tells me.  He doesn't cry and he doesn't yell. He just tells it like it is. "But we're broken." I whisper. He carefully puts a hand on my shoulder. "Maybe we are. But we can fix it." He assures me.  "We've tried before and it didn't work." I remind him. He shakes his head. "We weren't trying to fix anything before. We tried to forget everything and move on. So this time let's do things right."  I nod my head slowly. We're mot crying. We've both cried all of our tears.  Before I can register anything he pulls me into a hug. I feel my heart swell with the same feeling of love and joy as it did before all of the madness and fighting.  "Let's start over okay?"
"Okay"