Avengers Imagines

when we all fall asleep (where do we go?) - clintasha

A/N: based loosely on the song bury a friend by billie eilish :)

Description: sometimes nightmares change someone

guys i know not everyone has my music taste so you absolutely do not need to listen to the song to read the story !! just because it's inspiration doesn't mean they're one and the same.. the song is just attached in case you wanna give it a listen :)

Warnings: angst, language, nightmares

this was originally going to be readerxclint... sorry, i changed it :/

Word count: 1075

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The edges of his sight are tinged blue, like a subtle glow that he recognizes is there but has gotten used to. He can feel himself walking, step by step, one foot in front of the other, but he doesn't mean to. His lips are moving, commands are coming out from somewhere deep inside him, some place he has no control over.

He looks down from where he's perched in the Quinjet hidden, completely obscured from a normal person's view. This is too easy. It's like they wanted this to happen. But they need to be controlled, they have to. Humans were made to be ruled. Loki told him as much, so it is true.

Slowly as though he's struggling to take aim-- which he isn't, aiming is the easy part-- he draws back his bow pulling the string taut. This arrow, simply a regular one, is lined directly at his target. Her red hair whips around as she roundhouse kicks one of the rogue agents that managed their way in through the hole one of his arrows blew in the side of the aircraft.

He isn't aiming to simply wound her, to slow her down. No, this arrow is aimed to kill. And somewhere he hears a voice that sounds suspiciously like his own telling him to lower the god damn bow. But that can't be right. Those weren't his orders.

And he doesn't want to kill her. Or maybe he does. His feelings are of no concern, however. So he releases the arrow, feeling a smug sense of satisfaction when it finds its home in her heart.

After that first shot, the next few come a lot easier. The man in the red, white and blue suit needs a little more than one arrow to take him down and he has to hit the man with the metal suit with an electromagnetic arrow before it short-circuits and opens. Then the short brunette inside goes down without a sound. 

In no time, the threats are eliminated and he can move from his hidden position. He navigates the control room of the Quinjet, not bothering to side step the blood staining the ground. When he looks at his targets however, all sense of unfamiliarity is gone.

Steve lies in a pool of his own blood which stains the entirety of the Captain America uniform. Bruce never even got a chance to Hulk out, his glasses forgotten on the floor in the chaos. And.. no. Not her. Out of everyone, please, god not her.

He has seen Natasha go through a lot, survive more than he ever thought possible. But seeing the red of her hair meshing with her own blood, blood that he spilled, no. Oh, god, no. Please wake up. Wake up! Not Nat, not-

"Clint?" 

The voice that interrupts his anguish is garbled and when he turns to look, he understands why. Blood is dripping slowly but surely from Tony's mouth, an arrow, his own arrow, wedged right near his heart where the arc reactor stops. He assumes that's the only reason he's managed to hold on so long.

"T-Tony!" He sobs, falling to his knees into the billionaire's blood. "I-I'm sorry! I'm so sorry!"

"Clint, snap out of it," Tony says but Clint shakes his head. "Snap out of it. Clint! Clint!"

- - - - - - 

"Clint!"

He wakes in a start in a pool of sweat, or is that one of his teammate's blood? Clint can't tell the difference anymore. He manages to take in the fact that he is, indeed, not in the Quinjet but in a dark room on a soft bed.

"There you go, lyubov moya," a tender voice coaxes him from sleep and Clint suddenly becomes aware of the hand running through his hair. "Snap out of it, Clint. You're okay."

"N-Nat?" He asks breathlessly, his throat filled with tears and aching from the screaming he must have been doing but he doesn't care. He needs to know she's safe that she isn't- that he didn't- "I killed you."

"No, lastachka, I'm right here," she hums and moves his head to her chest where he can clearly hear her heartbeat as calm and comforting as ever.

"Why do you stay?" He manages a clear whisper, his whole body shaking as he refuses to close his eyes. He doesn't want to see them dead, doesn't want to see the blue. "Why aren't you scared of me?"

Natasha is silent for a long moment but doesn't stop playing with the small hairs at the nape of Clint's neck. When she does speak, it isn't with an answer to his question. "Where did you go? When you fell asleep, what did you see?"

He squeezes his eyes closed wishing he could push the memory away and just focus on the steady beat of Natasha's heart because it means that she's alive. Alive. Not dead. Real and here, here with him.

"Quinjet, blood.." he shakes his head, the tears threatening to come back despite his efforts to stay calm. "Blue, so much blue, I can't..."

"Shh," she breathes out but now that he's thinking of it again, the words won't stop.

"I couldn't say no. Couldn't even remember if I wanted to. It was like I sold my soul or something, you should've killed me. So many people dead because-"

"Because of Loki, not you," Nat says, soft but firm and nonnegotiable. "It wasn't you, Clint. Everyone knows that it wasn't you."

"But it was me. My hands, my bow, my body."

"Not your mind," she disagrees, the petting continuing through it all. "Not your thoughts, not your desires. That's all that matters."

"We buried a friend because of me," Clint whispers, his will to argue already fading considerably. "Coulson-"

"-died fighting Loki, not you. Just like everyone else. Now if all you have to say is nonsense, I suggest you stop talking and go back to sleep."

"Bossy," he grumbles, already letting his eyes fall closed as he focuses on his ever-steadying breath.

"Mm, I'm going to let that slide for tonight." And Clint can hear the smirk in her voice as she presses a kiss to his head. 

"I love you," Clint whispers as he drifts off, this time to the sound of Natasha's heartbeat and the image of her being very alive.

"I know, now sleep," she smiles softly knowing very well she'll be up until she's sure Clint is sound asleep, ready to scare off the nightmares if they come back.

- - - - - - 

hello hello !! this might be my first clintasha au ever ?? anyways, i do ship them i just never manage to write them but here we are !!

anywho, i have a few ideas in the works right now including one i already have like 1000 words for but i anticipate that one being a little longer because it has the whole team in it :) i'm kinda excited for it not gonna lie

i'm sorry i haven't written a lot of reader inserts lately but i'm finding that the more i read and write, the more i like writing without the reader involved (unless it's the group texts, i find that easier to write with the reader). but if reader inserts are something you guys for sure want me to keep doing/do more of, i'll definitely keep trying my hardest.

but, as always, feel free to comment and request whatever you'd like !! i'm so glad that this book has gotten as big as it has, and it's all because of you guys so thank you a bunch :)