An Illusion of Love | E.D.

T E N

Ethan's P.O.V

I couldn't read her expression as she sat right across from me with her lips pursed together and her eyes piercing into mine.

I knew that she was thinking about this long and hard that she had no idea what to say anymore.

Neither did I.

"I'm sorry " I apologized for the hundredth time today.

She simply nodded at my response and sat there still confused about what to say.

I told her about the party. I told her that I drank until I fell asleep leaving a couple of details out.

I needed to forget what happened last night.

I needed more time to convince myself it didn't happen.

I needed her forgiveness. Or something close to it.

"Please say something" I begged to look up at her. Her eyes looked down at the table and it concerned me that she couldn't look at me any longer.

"I don't know what to say" she whispered keeping her eyes low.

I sighed and began to think of anything that would cause her to smile or to get some type of reaction from her.

It was scaring me. Her silence and her dullness were getting to me.

I was a nervous wreck.

What was I supposed to do now? What can I do to rewind time?

I should have ignored Ashton's comment about me being whipped because maybe then I wouldn't be in this situation.

What do I do?

Kayla's P.O.V.

I couldn't look at him because otherwise part of me would have taken his pity and would have forgiven him the instant he told me about the party.

He was honest about it but that didn't help his case.

He had lied to me and had broken about two promises by now.

He had promised to go with me to the party next week.

He promised to pick me up to go hiking together.

He had promised things he wouldn't be able to fulfill.

It angered me and bothered me so much that hearing his voice would make me hate him even more.

Yet, part of me knew I didn't hate him. I knew that I loved him so deeply that my heart would ache if I didn't forgive him.

I needed him as much as he needed me.

That's how things work between us now. We never learned to love others like we love each other. We would drown our sorrows and worries through fucking other people that we never realized we had other feelings.

I didn't know what love was and I desperately wanted someone to give me such raw and sincere emotion. Yet I got Kevin, who had only managed to cause uncertainty when it came to that mere idea of love.

How did I manage to get so close yet so far from such an idea?

"We can stop going to parties all together now" I hear him say.

I finally build up the courage again to look up only to be disappointed by his hurtful eyes.

"Is that so?" I scoff at such absurd commentary.

"Kayla I know I fucked up-"

"Did you now?" I retort again resting my elbows on the table and covering my face with my hands.

"I'm trying Kay" he breaths out. "I really am."

"And I'm not?" I say running my hands through my hair.

"That's not what I meant, i-" he sighs and tries to speak before I cut him off.

"Yes, you did Ethan" I raise my voice slightly causing people to look over at me. I didn't care if they stared anymore. I needed to set him straight once and for all. I'm getting tired of the same fucking bullshit.

"You think I'm not trying. You think I'm just acting this way because I'm just being petty or some shit. But I'm not. I'm pissed. I'm so done with your bullshit. It's like I can't get a break now. We were fine or so I thought and then Roni brings up the party topic and it's like your against me all of a sudden"

"That's a lie and we both know that" he chimes in.

"Wow. You can't even realize you fucked up. YOU. LIED.TO.ME." I spring up from my seat and point my finger at him.

"Kayla its not like that" he stands up and tries to make himself feel less guilty as it is.

"It's not? Let's see who promised me that we would both go to the party next week and we would go hiking?" I begin to sarcastically laugh making me look like a fucking lunatic.

To be honest, maybe I am.

"You are so clingy Kayla and so paranoid of what's going to happen between us that's what this is" he raises his voice causing a vein to pop from his neck.

"Maybe I am but it's not my fault I can't trust you anymore. You lost that trust and I'm not sure you can get that back. Or me for that matter" I said before grabbing my coat and walking away.

I didn't look back at this time.

Ethan's P.O.V

I surely got a reaction out of her but not the one I expected.

She was beyond pissed and I was too causing both of us to attack one another.

I said things I shouldn't have out of spite and I think she broke up with me.

I'm sure she didn't because I'm a fucking idiot.

I let her walk away again and I'm not sure what I'm still doing here.

I grab my jacket and place a ten-dollar bill on our table before rushing out.

Her car was nowhere to be seen and I'm sure she won't listen to what I have to say anymore.

What the fuck did I just do?

-

A/n

Do you think she will forgive him?