How He Broke

Scars (Sage's POV)

(TRIGGER WARNING: VERY GRAPIC SCENES OF SELF HARM)

It had been three days since the fight I had with Tate. I hadn't gone over to talk to him because I was afraid it would spark another argument, and I really didn't feel like dealing with that. 

I sat on my bed, my legs criss-crossed with Indigo laying out sleeping in front of me. She looked so peaceful, so blissfully unaware of the world around her. I envied her for that. I so desperately wished I could sleep as peacefully as her; to be unknowing of how completely horrific this world can be.

I gently ran the backside of my pointer finger down her cheek, admiring how beautiful she was. 

"I hope you good choices when you grow up." I said to her softly. "I don't want you to end up in the same position as me."

I watched as she yawned in her sleep, stretching as she tilted her head to the other side.

I smiled at the sight, gently stroking her head.

I looked up when I heard a soft knock at the door. "Who is it?" I answered.

"Me.." 

It was Tate. He sounded sad, or maybe it was more so guilt? Good! He should feel guilty for what he said to me! It was absolutely unnecessary, rude, and more than anything it hurt like hell to hear those words leave his mouth.

"What do you want?" I asked, unsure whether or not I really wanted to see him. 

"I wanted to talk." He answered with a sigh. "I feel really terrible about what happened and I just wanted to make sure you're okay."

"I'm fine." I lied. I wasn't fine. I hadn't been fine the last three days; not since what he said. When I was alone I had his words replaying in my mind over and over again like a broken record that reminded me how he truly must've felt. 

"I know you're not fine, Sage." Tate sighed from the other side of the door. "Please, can I just come in and talk to you? I miss you, and I miss Indigo." 

I felt my heart ache as I looked down at her. I wanted her to have her dad around, but I was still so upset over everything it made me question if it was all really worth it. 

Was I being irrational? Should I just forgive him? I truly did love him, but those words. He spoke them so freely without any pause or hesitation. He said them with meaning, with intent of hurting me. Although it may not have directly been his intention to hurt me, it hurt none the less, and struck so deep and hard it had to have at least been in the back of his mind.  

"I don't want to face you right now." I said, deciding that whatever it was he had to say, it would have to be with a door between us, because if he faced me as he spoke I would break down. 

"Sage ple-" Tate began to plead but I cut him off. 

"No, Tate." I spoke firmly. "Whatever it is you need to say, say it from where you're standing or don't say it at all."

Silence. 

I could tell I really hit him hard, and I could only imagine the shocked and hurt expression he held as he stood on the other side of the door.

I imagined him standing there, his forearms against the door as he held himself up; his head resting against the wood as he struggled to find the right words to express himself. 

"I just wanted to say that I'm sorry." He finally spoke, his voice breaking at the end. 

I heard him take a deep and shaky breath, letting it out slowly before continuing, "I said things that weren't right. Things that hurt you, and I never meant to hurt you like that, Sage. I just..." He paused, his voice cracking. "I can't live without you, and I can't live with myself knowing I hurt you."