Poems

Hate

I hate these highs and lows

I don't know where to go

Who to turn to

What to even do

I hate myself for not being in control

All I do is overdose on pills 

And have a little nicotine 

I stress myself out

Over all the wrong things

I don't do my school work

I can't focus on picking a career

I don't know my future

Or even if I'll be alive tomorrow

I want to scream

But I fill my mouth with alcohol instead

I hate the taste

But it's better than the pain

Who knows how many dozen

Pills I swallowed today

At least this time I'm not suicidal 

Right?

But I hate that I do this

There's no one to blame this time

I talk to people and am as happy as can be

But alone, I feel useless and unwanted

I haven't self harmed

One year clean

That's what matters

Right?

Another dozen

Watch my world turn black

Lying down

Knowing that I'll that tonight I'll passout

Not knowing if I wake up with pain

Or even at all

But when do I wake

It's back to school

And it all starts over again

I hate being stuck in the loop