LIKE I NEVER LEFT °[KathNiel] ✓COMPLETE

36. Found

Amara

The night is approaching. It is dusk when I go out of the hospital and drive towards the place where I'm sure I'll find him. There are no lamp posts on the way there. Abandonado na kasi ang lugar. Tanging sa ilaw na mula lang sa kotse ako nakadepende. Kaya lang, hanggang sa labas lang ito ng nakabakod na barbwires papunta sa cabin. Kaya hindi ko nalang pinatay ang kotse para kahit papaano ay makikita ko ang daan papunta roon. The woods seem scary. It's like as if I am in haunted place. But being here a lot before, I don't feel uneasy at all. As soon as I am in front of the cabin, I bash my knuckles against the wooden door but no one comes to open it. I have to do what I have to do—attempt to open the door in every way I know. After a few minutes of trying, I successfully open it. The cabin has a fireplace that welcomes you at your entrance. Across it rests the carpeted narrow living area. There is only one bedroom which is adjacent to the kitchen and bathroom. The place is nostalgic. Back in the days, Four and I spent a lot of time here. When we want to escape the world from its stress and pressure, we would go here.

"Four?"

I hear no answer so I walk straight towards the bedroom. My heart jumps in panic when I hear a loud thud of  something falling on the floor.

"Four!"

It turns out, it is him who fell to the carpeted floor. In panic, I run to him.

"Amara? Why—why are you here?" He asks groping for something to hold on to while I have his head resting on my lap. His eyes remain close but he looks uneasy as if he's enduring something painful.

"You need to go home." I tell him directly. "Pwede mo 'kong iwan kung ayaw mo na talaga sa'kin. Matatanggap ko pero hindi mo pwedeng talikuran ang pamilya mo. Umuwi ka na."

Hindi siya sumagot. I can see his hand holding firmly on to the rail of the bed. Kinakabahan ako. Pakiramdam ko nasasaktan nga talaga siya. Sinusubukan niyang tumayo pero hindi siya nagtatagumpay. While watching him, I slowly understand what is going on and tears just roll freely down my cheeks. The night is disturbed with Four's scream—a scream of pain.

"Love, tell me what do you need? How are you feeling? May masakit ba? Four, talk to me?" I cry out, heart filled with fear and terror. "Four?"

"Leave me, Mara. Umalis ka na." He manages to say. Finally, I help him up and aid him to the bed. "Iwan mo na ako." Patuloy na taboy niyang nagpaluha sa'king lalo.

"Is this why? Four, there is a better way to handle this—"

"Ano? Ano Amara? Makita kayong nasasaktan habang naghihintay sa araw na tuluyan ko na kayong iwan? Do you know what the doctor told me? Hindi na ako aabot ng isang taon!" Lumuluhang sagot niya na nagpahagulhol sa'kin.

"Hindi totoo 'yan." Wala sa sariling naisambit ko. "Hindi." Lumapit ako sa kanya at yumakap ng mahigpit. "Four, there could be another way. We can go through this together."

"Wag na, Mara. It's better this way. It's better that my family doesn't know...that Darryl doesn't know. This will break her heart worse than what she believed has happened. I can't watch all of you hurting... I can't leave you like that. I'd rather want to die alone, without anyone knowing." Mahabang pahayag niya. Walang salitang lumalabas sa bibig ko. Tanging hagulhol lang ang lumalabas mula roon.

This just cannot be true. He cannot be sick. He can't leave us like this.

"I love you Four. I love you so much and I will never let you face this alone. Uuwi tayo."

"Hindi ako sasama sa'yo! Umalis ka na!" He even tries to push me away but I just keep coming back to him. "Leave me alone!"

"Hindi ako aalis dito nang hindi ka kasama! Wag mong gawin 'to Four. Sa tingin mo hindi kami nasasaktan, hindi kami nadudurog sa ginawa mong desisyon?"