LIKE I NEVER LEFT °[KathNiel] ✓COMPLETE

15. Rejection

Amara

It's so strange to breathe the same air with Four without arguing or fighting each other. He is so silent for the entire ride. So when we reach their house, I take his attention before he can alight from his car.

"It's okay, Four." I say as I take his hand.

"I don't feel okay." He admits, placing his hand on top of mine that holds his other hand. "When I saw you in tears, panicking about our daughter, I feel so bad for not being there with you, Mara."

My heart twinges when he says the words.

"I can only imagine how hard it was for you to do things on your own. I should be there..." Tears spring out from his eyes and I can feel mine coming up too. "Amara, I'm sorry."

"Four-"

"I know I don't deserve you and Darryl but please, give me another chance." He squeezes my hand gently. "I wanna be there with you while our daughter grows up. Let me protect both of you. Come back to me, Amara."

I don't know. I don't think I'm ready for this moment.

"Four." We both hold our breath as we stare at each other's eyes. "I'm sorry. I don't think we'll be able to bring back the old times, the old us before you left."

He looks hurt and I can feel his grip of my hand loosening up. I know this is right-being honest with how I feel.

"It's true, Mara. I was a jerk. I was a coward for running away from you." Pahayag niyang nagpaluhang lalo sa'kin. "Alam ko, kahit anong sasabihin ko, walang salitang makakapagtama ng ginawa kong kagaguhan. Look, we were young and I was just... stupid enough to just let you go. Amara, hindi kita ipinagpalit sa pangarap ko. I know it's what it seems but it's not. I will never trade you for anything. What happened that day is maybe just bound to happen. I mean, everyone can be scared. I was scared. I realized I wasn't ready yet. Hearing everyone saying things about you for deciding to marry me that young, it was unbearable. I know I shouldn't have listened to them but they've gotten all of me."

"Four." Is all I can muster.

"I was so scared I might not give you the life you deserve. I was scared of everything, Amara. And I tried...I tried to win you back. After that day, I went to see you... I was drunk, that's what Theo said but everything's clear to me. I was there-wishing to see you and say I'm sorry at the least. But I was a jerk, I was a coward. I couldn't even fight your brother. So I woke up with a terrible hangover and the terrible truth that I lost you."

Maybe, if I knew he came to see me that night, I would have told him the truth about my pregnancy. It was supposed to be a surprise. I was planning to tell him after the wedding. But I understand my brother. Maybe, if I was kuya Theo, I'd kill him as soon as I see him.

"I was so ashamed Amara that is why I ran away from everyone including from my own family. And music...it's the only thing that kept me alive within those empty years."

Music is what defines mostly our lives— our families, us. It's what brought us together.

"I've never felt this scared, love. Seeing you earlier talking to Irish, I didn't know what to feel. Everything in me was shaking in fear. It made me realize how much you both mean to me and I can't lose you again."

"Four, I'm sorry." I cut him off. "Okay na tayo at ang mga pamilya natin. And I want us to leave it at that. You can spend all the time with our daughter, have your full right as her father but as for us... I can't."

"Si Ethan ba?" I smile at his mention of Ethan's name. He has finally regarded him right.

"Can we just go now?" Saad kong nagpahinga sa kanya ng malalim. He opens the door for me with sad eyes that's breaking my heart to pieces. "Four, look. The three of us, you, me and Darryl...we can still be a complete family without trying to get us back together. Mas okay ng ganito tayo." Pahayag kong tinanguhan niya. Nagpatiuna na akong pumasok ng malaking bahay nila para puntahan ang anak namin. Patakbo akong sinalubong ni Darryl matapos niya akong makita.