LIKE I NEVER LEFT °[KathNiel] ✓COMPLETE

35. Leave

Amara

Umuwi ako sa bahay namin ni Four na mag-isa, umaasang malaman mula sa mga kasambahay na umuwi siya dito sa mga nakaraang araw. And they tell me that he did. He went home last night. Dito siya umuwi kagabi. Sigurado talaga ako e; siya 'yong nakita ko kagabi sa labas ng bahay. While I am inside our room, I close my eyes, hoping to feel his presence. Tears stream down my cheeks remembering the message I sent him last night. Hindi talaga siya bumalik. Okay lang sa kanya na 'wag ng maging parte ng buhay namin.

"You are so unfair, Four. You always end up breaking my heart but I still love you so much. Para akong tanga dito oh, naghihintay, umaasa na babalik ka parin." Hindi ko napigilang sabihin sa hangin. Sana kahit magpaliwanag man lang siya.

We're better off without him? He doesn't know anything. We're miserable. Ni hindi ko na nga alam kung paano ngumiti. Nakalimutan ko na kung paano tumawa. Hindi ko alam kung magiging masaya pa ba ulit ako.

I did not go home after I left the house. I go to a coffee shop instead and just sit there, waiting for miracle to show up before my eyes.

"Amara?"

"Five?" Namamaos ang boses ko. Siguro dala ng gabi-gabing pag-iyak ko. "Sinong kasama mo dito?" I try to sound cheerful but it's too vain.

"Ako lang. I just... um... decide to get a cup of coffee." I nod in response. I stay in silence since I don't know what else to say. "Amara, there's something that I want to tell you."

Nang sabihin niya 'yon, tila tumigil sa pag-ikot ang mundo. Sa pagkakataong iyon, alam kong ikakawasak ng puso ko ang sasabihin niya.

"What is it?" I ask, pretending to be brave enough to listen to whatever he'll say when in fact, my heart wishes we never see each other in this place. I'm over what happened. I mean, when I went out of the house earlier, I promised to go on with life without thinking about him, without having connections with people that will remind me of him. I know it's stupid but I want to try doing it. It's for the best.

"Um." He sighs and I'm getting impatient. "Do you remember the time... you... you came to my condo to ask about my brother?"

My heart tightens as I recall that event. I know at that time that there was something wrong. I know that he was lying and I just fooled myself to believe that he didn't. Alam ko 'yon e. Kahit nakatitig siya sa mga mata ko nang magpaliwanag siya, alam kong nagsisinungaling siya no'n. Pero pinili kong lokohin nalang 'yong sarili ko, maniwala sa kasinungalingan niya kasi ayaw kong mawala si Four sa'kin.

"Four did come home that night. Pero... si... si Tiara. Siya ang naghatid sa kanya sa bahay."

I fake a laugh in sarcasm. Wow. Magkasama sila noon. Hindi siya sumipot sa paaralan ni Darryl para makasama si Tiara? Ano 'yon? Kaya ba naiwan sa condo ng bruha na 'yon ang mga gamit niya? Bakit ang tanga-tanga ko? It was all screamed on my face! The truth was already there... pero nagpapakabulag ako. Ang tanga-tanga ko.

"Amara, alam kong mali na hindi ko sinabi sa'yo kaagad. Ayaw ko lang na masira ulit kayo. Trust me, I talked to Four that night. Galit na galit ako at ipinaintindi ko sa kanya lahat. Kayo ni Darryl ang pamilya niya at ang dapat niyang piliin."

"Yeah? Well surprise Five, hindi kami ang pinili niya." Galit na sambit ko saka nagmamadaling tumayo.

"Amara, sandali—"

"Tama na Five. Wala narin namang magbabago." I snap at him. "He left me again and he's not coming back this time. Kaya tama na. I just want to forget all of you." My voice trails off but before he could see how vulnerable I am as tears begin to spring out of my eyes, I run away towards my car.