The Program [Book Two of The Test]

Chapter Eleven

The Program

Chapter Eleven

My oreos from this morning had turned into ice cream. The person to talk to had changed from Maddie to Marcus. And I, god, I am now an emotional wreck. So basically, between this morning and right now, I somehow found my way to becoming one of those dramatic teenagers from movies who hide from the world when it comes to boys.

The only real difference, I wasn't upset about losing some guy. It was about seeing that I loved one.

I have never been good around guys, either joining in whatever fun they were having and becoming a she-dude for a moment or freezing up when one mentioned they may actually like me.

I just never liked anyone, that was it, no big secret behind it. Liking a guy just wasn't my strong suit.

Maddie said I was this way because my parents divorced, leaving me to think true love could never be real. After this, I told her she was looking to deep into it. I just wanted to know who I was before adding someone else to the mix is all.

And how funny it is to know that I fell for Jack while the exact opposite was taking place, while I had absolutely no clue who I was, but I let him in anyway.

"So," Marcus started, sitting beside me on the couch. "are you gonna tell me what's going on or eat all the cookies and cream in silence until you feel better?" He gestured to the ice cream in my hands. And though he had become the person to talk to this evening after Maddie dropped me off earlier with more questions than she had when we had left, I shrugged, not wanting to talk about it again. Not wanting another person to realize my feelings for a guy whose dad would probably kill me if I even tried to make anything happen with his son.

Love sucks.

"This isn't about that guy Jack, is it? The one you went on a date with? If he hurt you I can kill him for you." He continued.

I just kinda looked at my brother, a little smile making its way onto my face. He was leaning into the couch, lazily hanging his arm on the rest while giving me a look back as well. His blond hair that matched my own color was hanging over his eyes and he too offered a smile. 

"Is it possible to hate yourself for falling in love with someone?" I asked. I figured if anything my twin might hold the answer.

"It would depend on the circumstances. Why?" He replied. "My sister doesn't love anyone does she?" He bumped his shoulder with mine at his words and my smile just got bigger.

"Maybe." I said, pausing. "I mean, yeah. Yeah, I do. I'm just, I don't want to talk it about it, just forget I said anything." I went back to my ice cream.

"Hey, i'm not going to make you tell me who it is if you don't want to." He said, moving closer. He wrapped his arms around me and hugged me. When we were little, and our parents were fighting and all either of us wanted to do was cry, Marcus would own up to that whole twelve minutes older thing and be my big brother and hold me, telling me it would be alright. Even though we both knew it wouldn't be. "I'm just being a concerned brother."