COMPLICATED.

CHAPTER 1

PERFECT GIRL

​A shadow reaches out to me, whispering precise, chilling words: “Follow me. I will take you to a place where you can finally be free.” I smile at it, trusting the dark, and begin to run along an endless path where the sun warms my skin. But the further I go, the tighter the air becomes. The light fades until there is nothing left but shadows.
Where are we? What is happening?
I run until I can’t go on. My mind screams at me to move, but my body refuses to respond. I stand there, frozen in the void, and begin to cry.
Where is the light?
Where is the shadow?
I am left alone. I can’t breathe.
​“EMMA!” A voice shatters the darkness.
“EMMA!” Please, whoever you are, just get me out of here.
​“Emma! Wake up! Do you really want to be late on the very last day of school? Breakfast is ready!”
I blink, finding myself back in my room, with my mother shouting at me since five in the morning. Yes, five a.m. Why do I always have to be ready and flawless for every occasion? Even for something as trivial as school? Why can’t I just not care about my makeup or my clothes like the other girls do?
No, you’re right, Mom. I have to be perfect. You never know what might happen.
​I take advantage of the moment she leaves to search for new songs to cover later. I have to be perfect for Juilliard; there is no room for mistakes.
“Emma, are you kidding me?!” my mother says, rolling her eyes from the doorway.
“Mom, look at me instead! I’m ready for a new day. I’m your favorite son!” Paul announces, looking satisfied with himself.
​I’m always left speechless by that little pest. Paul is nothing like me. He’s a rebel, bold and brash like my father, yet he kept my mother’s sharp intelligence. Still, I’m proud that I passed down my passion for books and music to my little brother.
“Sure, Paul, you’re the best! Whatever makes you happy and helps you sleep at night,” I reply with a laugh.
As usual, he sticks his tongue out at me, throws a quick insult, and disappears to go complain to my father. But despite everything, I love that little monster way too much.
​“Sleep at night.” That’s a foreign concept to me now.
I’ve been having these nightmares for almost two years. I can’t take it anymore. What do they even mean?
I’m overthinking again. I need to stop.
I have to get ready; Leo is picking me up in an hour. I pull a long skirt and a striped shirt from my closet and head to the bathroom to prepare for my final day of high school.