COMPLICATED.

CHAPTER 31

WORRIES

I can’t say I’m surprised by his appearance; I’m starting to get used to this protective and possessive side of him, even if I don’t fully understand why he has to make every situation a national crisis. Of course, I know he cares about me, but there’s a limit to everything and, as my mother always said, too much of a good thing is a bad thing. This habit of his, racing across the city to "monitor" me, is starting to deeply irritate me.
"Cold! What a surprise to find you here. What an incredible coincidence, don't you think, Emma?" Aria exclaims, crossing her long legs and folding her arms with a sly smirk. She is clearly enjoying the show, while I just want to be swallowed by the floor. Did he really have to walk in right as I was describing our "moment"? The situation is already embarrassing enough as it is, and Aria, far from being helpful, seems to be having a world of fun watching me struggle.
Fine, let’s face this too.
With a shred of remaining courage, I finally decide to look him in the face. He is short of breath, his hair is messy from the wind, and his face is beaded with sweat. Aria and I are dressed like "hangover-chic" and he looks like this... we’ll surely be kicked out of this place. I was right: he ran for me or, as usual, he ditched his car in the middle of traffic just to reach me immediately. Deep down, the old Nick is still there.
His gaze is indecipherable. I see neither fury nor anguish; I know he’s waiting for my usual outburst over this reckless move, but this time I won’t give him that satisfaction. Let’s see how he reacts to a different approach.
"Exactly. What are you still doing on your feet? Have a seat," I say, flashing one of my fakest, most diplomatic smiles.
Aria is caught off guard by my unusual calm. I give her a quick wink, whispering for her to play along. I pull out the chair so the green-eyed boy can sit next to me. As he sits, I notice under the table that his hands are trembling; he tries to hide them by frantically folding one over the other. I didn't realize he was this agitated.
We stay in a silence that feels infinite, until Aria, unable to stand the awkwardness any longer, tries to break the ice.
"Sooooo..."
"Are you okay?" he interrupts suddenly, covering my hand with his.
I look around: it seems like all of New York's high society is spying on us. They aren't used to such public displays of affection, while Aria looks like she’s watching a movie at the theater. Seeing no immediate reaction from me, Nick intertwines his fingers with mine, sending intense shivers down my entire spine. He can’t do this to me, not now. I have to stay focused and not give in to the urge to kiss him again.
I straighten my back and resume my act. "I don’t think this is the right place to discuss it, Nick," I whisper, forcing a smile at the staff.
"Actually, it is, considering I just ran a marathon just to make sure that moron wasn't touching you," he replies in a low voice, staring obsessively at my lips.
I won’t let myself be trapped so easily. "It wasn't necessary. I’m fine, I sent you texts and that was the end of it."
Aria, sensing the frost between us, jumps to my defense. "Actually, her messages were quite clear, I don't th—"
"Do you really think a couple of texts are enough to reassure me?!" Nick snaps, raising his voice. He shoves his chair back abruptly, and it falls over with a dull thud. "You were alone with him, you kicked me out, and you gave me no choice!"
Everyone in the bar jumps. I’m shaken too; he’s far too out of control. "Stop interrupting her and try to calm down!" I order in a low voice, leaning toward him to try and soothe him. At that moment, I see the manager of the establishment marching straight toward us. There we go. Evicted. Wonderful.
"Ladies and gentlemen, I must ask you to leave. We cannot tolerate this kind of disturbance."
Nick rolls his eyes, annoyed. He turns toward the man, towering over him in a gesture of defiance. "Look, I don't hear any 'disturbance.' Everything seems very quiet to me. And honestly, I doubt my father would have liked knowing I was being treated this way in this place. Don't you agree?" he says, poking his index finger into the man’s chest.
The manager’s eyes widen and he starts to stutter, visibly terrified. "Mr. Cold... I... I'm so sorry. It won't happen again. Enjoy your stay, and please give my regards to your mother!"
The man hurries away, wiping sweat from his forehead. I understand immediately: his father was a partner in The Penrose and who knows how many other places in New York. Nick has always hated using his last name for privileges, but what is happening to him? That mean look in his eyes, that arrogant tone... it’s not like him.
Nick narrows his eyes, taking deep breaths until he realizes how scared I am. In that moment, the mask falls and he returns to being the boy I've always known. I realize that a few tears are slowly rolling down my face; it’s my instinctive reaction to fear, and he knows it well.
Absolute silence falls. No one dares to breathe for minutes.
"Em, I..." he starts.
"Let's go outside," I manage to say. I can't stay here with everyone staring at us.
"Please, I don't want another fight."
"There won't be one, if we leave this damn bar right now. Aria, do you mind? I'll leave the money, I'm paying, and you keep the rest," I say, exasperated.
"Go ahead, don't worry. See you later then," she replies.
"Later?" I ask, confused. Nick glares at her and she bursts out laughing. "Oops! You two better get going, come on."
I walk quickly out of the place, finally breathing in the street air, away from those snoopy snobs. But my fixed thought is Nick: I’m pushing him to the limit, I’m hurting him, and it’s wearing me down. I wait for him with my arms crossed. When he walks out, I see it: he’s scared. He looks at me in a new way, one I’ve only deciphered in the last few days. He’s afraid of losing me.
"Emma..." he whispers, stepping closer, but I stop him with a wave of my hand.
"What was that show back there?" I ask, pointing to the building. My voice is hoarse, tired.
"Fine, I shouldn't have talked to Aria like that, but that girl doesn't know how to keep her mouth shut..."
"I’m not talking about her. I’m talking about how you behaved in there."
He looks down, staring at everything except me. "I overdid it, I admit it."
"You aren't like that, Nick. You don't use your father's name for those things."
"I know," he sighs heavily.
"Then what's happening to you?"
"I can't stand it..."
"What, Nick? Talk to me."
"Everyone abandoned me!" he finally yells, still avoiding my gaze. "And now you're leaving. You're going to abandon me too."
There it is—the truth I feared. The words I’ve always run away from. I grab him by the arm and pull him to me, wrapping him in a hug I wish would never end. "Hey, I'm here. I will always be by your side. You will never be alone as long as I am alive, you won't get rid of me that easily."
He buries his face in the crook of my neck. I savor every second. "Yes, I know... it's just that I'm stressed. I was terrified of what could happen with Leo, and I couldn't do anything because you stopped me. And now I can't stay away from you... not after that kiss."
My heart races. Stay calm, Emma. He didn't say anything special. But who am I kidding? The little girl inside me is dancing with joy. Still, I have to protect myself. I have to leave, we'll be far apart, I can't afford to suffer again. I have to downplay it.
I pull away and take a step back. "It was just a kiss, Nick. A harmless kiss."
"Really?" he replies, looking at me with a predatory expression.
He walks slowly toward me, closing the distance. Don't do it, I can't give in so easily. He brushes his cheek against mine, the skin burning at the contact. I feel his deep voice whisper in my ear:
"It felt like much more than a kiss to me. I think you're falling for me, piccola, maybe even far too much."