COMPLICATED.

CHAPTER 37

THE COLLEGE TOUR.

​"Can you say something? Like you're happy to see me? Or are you going to keep staring at me like that for all these years we're going to spend together?" Aria says to me playfully while she repeatedly clicks her hairdryer on and off, creating an intermittent buzz that fills the air charged with surprise.
​I am still in shock. I can't seem to get up from my gigantic double bed, whose sheets almost seem to want to hold me back in this state of torpor, but above all, I still can't wrap my head around the fact that she is here, in front of me. In London. In this school. In this room, with me. How on earth is all this possible?!
​"I don't understand." I murmur to myself as I follow with my eyes every single touch of her fingers to adjust her shiny black locks, which gleam under the room's lights.
"What? Oh yes, it’s a new dye. They’re even darker, right? I love them so much!" she exclaims in an exaggerated tone, smiling at her reflection in the portable mirror she holds firmly in her hand, captivated by her own image.
​"Aria..." I call her in a whisper, trying to get her attention and make sense of that absurd moment. She immediately stops what she was doing a second ago to finally turn toward me.
"Come on Emma, react. It’s me!" she yells, astonished, as she approaches me with open arms, ready to hug me.
​Her arms wrap completely around my body; being more piccola than her, I almost seem to disappear in her vigorous grip. Unlike her, I can't move; I remain in the same defeated position as when she spoke her first words. Unable to even react when I feel her hands moving up and down my back, I decide to focus for the first time on the room as a whole. The more I observe the decor, the more I realize these are not the student rooms presented on their website. The walls reflect the Renaissance style of the external corridors, and the floor is so shiny and white that I can instantly recognize our two motionless figures. The wardrobes are all made of dark wood but feature precious gold decorations in the corners, just like the rest of the furniture around us. My face turns slightly toward the space reserved for Aria, where I immediately notice a huge backlit mirror that further highlights the perfect mix of classic and ultramodern design. In short, everything glitters and shines, from the bed headboards to the ceiling of lights.
​A light shake of my shoulders brings me back to reality; Aria's confused and perplexed face is the first thing that appears to me, making me instantly regain clarity. I gesture with my hand for her to sit down, tapping the empty spot on the bed next to me.
"You? Here? How and why?!" I ask her frantically, massaging my temples. The few hours of sleep are reaching their peak. It’s all so confusing; it’s a miracle I haven't collapsed on these very inviting pillows yet!
​"Actually, the news here is you; I’ve been accepted since the first auditions in January."
I only got to know this girl a week ago, even though I had the chance to cross paths with her several times in our high school corridors. I never cared about what could be behind that face extremely made up with all dark tones or finding out the real reason for her always eating alone in the cafeteria. I was too busy, or rather forced, to sit at the rugby team's table and avoid anyone who was different from them, even though I was the first one far from their world. I only vaguely remember seeing her one day in our senior year picking up some sheet music that had fallen from her hands. I furrow my brow as I retrace all these flashbacks.
"I’m confused. So you sing too?" I ask her cautiously but at the same time doubtfully, straining to remember other details about her.
"If you want a storm to break out, yes!" she replies, smirking and laughing out loud. "We don't all have an angelic voice like yours, Hamilton," she continues as she catches her breath.
​I stare at her, offering a tired and lopsided smile as a response. She knows very well that I hate it when they call me by my last name, especially by her now that I’m getting to truly know her. We remain in silence for a few more seconds until she breaks it by coughing awkwardly.
"I'm a violinist, anyway." she replies quickly, getting up from the bed and wandering around the room.
​A violinist?! The dark, at times apathetic and antisocial girl is a musician; I would never have guessed. Her answer makes me understand that she is used to being asked this specific question every single day, but curiosity to know more about her is stronger than me.
"How strange, yet I don't remember ever seeing you in the school orchestra group I was part of, maybe because there were so many of us and..."
"No! I’m not the orchestra type. I’m a soloist and I work alone; I’m not known for being very social, you already know that. I’d be capable of unleashing hell if someone didn't respect my ideas on how music should be written or played." she giggles thoughtlessly, interrupting my doubts.
​In fact, I can say that this is quite predictable once you know her better; maybe that’s why we clicked from the beginning, because despite appearances, I too wanted to disappear from everything and everyone and make or write my music alone or with someone more like me, following my own rules. I’m sure Aria would have been an exceptional musical partner; I wouldn't have hindered her and she would have done the same with me, just like with Nick. Or at least things were like that, until a few hours ago. Now, instead, he will let his new girlfriend listen to his arrangements. Will I ever have a day without something happening that changes my mood every minute?! I don't think I can handle another whirlwind of emotions today; better let it go.
​"Why didn't you ever tell me anything? We spent all this time together before leaving and you never said a word!" I exclaim with a tone of voice unknown to me until now.
"I actually wanted to tell you as soon as you told me, but then I thought it wouldn't be bad to give you a surprise."
By now, my life has become all one big surprise; it’s no great news. I huff and smile at the thought.
"You know that..."
"...hate surprises? Yes, we all know that." she interrupts me immediately between giggles.
​Aria moves to take the last things to be arranged on her side of the room from an almost empty suitcase; she seems to have been here much longer than me.
"How long have you been here?" I ask her curiously as I watch her move quickly from one side to the other.
She points one by one to the clothes positioned haphazardly on her bed and counts them mentally as she replies to my question.
"Only for a few days. In fact, the very day after I said goodbye to you. First I was in another single room, then your father managed to get my room changed to be with you and so I had to move all my things..."
"Wait, what?" I whisper to myself, hearing my father's name. Did he know everything? "My father managed to get your room changed?"
"Yes." she affirms without a second thought. "We even chose a different room together..."
​And certainly not this luxurious one fit for a VIP or something like that. Oh god, tell me it’s not what I think! Aria, hearing my words, gets distracted from her tasks and stares at me, just as confused as I am.
"Oh, I thought at least he had told you this..."
"What?" I ask her irritably.
I can't believe it, after all the times I told both Mom and Dad that I wanted to live this experience like a normal girl going to college! But obviously, I am a Hamilton and also a Harper, and I cannot be treated like the others, not even regarding a stupid dormitory. Even though even that small thing is of great importance to me. Why don't they want to fully understand that this makes me suffer?!
​"Don't take it out on me, I had nothing to do with it. Okay, the surprise idea was mine because I wanted to see your reaction, but the room thing was decided by your mother. Your father, after asking me over the phone, just secretly swapped the room reservation and paid for this one."
"He paid for you too?!"
"Let's say he contributed. It was out of the question for him to pay for everything; he contributed to the first month and then I’ll manage on my own."
​I don't believe it. I feel like I’m going to faint at any moment. Aria sighs for a second and then kneels in front of me so she can look me straight in the eyes.
"Look, I know they shouldn't have done it behind your back and that you should have been the one making these decisions, but I’m sure they did it for you. Come on, think about it; it’s good that we’re roommates, at least we aren't alone facing everything. Plus, I have friends who enrolled here and we could go out together more and get to know each other better. I’m sure they didn't want to do you wrong but just have us start this new adventure on the right foot. We’re going to have a lot of fun!"
​Aria's speech sinks deeper and deeper into my mind. I am aware that they didn't want to do it out of spite toward me, but for a lifetime someone has been deciding in my place and for once, especially now that I want to leave the past behind, I want to be my own master. I promised it to myself and I won't go back, but I also have to accept that my parents will always try to do what they think is best for me. We just need to find a meeting point and as soon as possible, because it can't continue like this. The further away I am, the more I realize that our opinions are different. I arch my eyebrow and try to absorb all this information and, somehow, accept it. She's right, I have to enjoy it to the fullest. I won't let this ruin what I’m about to start; I have to think positive. I let out a long resigned sigh and focus back on my new roommate. I smile at her when she tries to make me laugh with her usual strange and funny faces.
"You’re right, I’m so sorry. It must be the exhaustion or the fact that everything is still so new to me, I don't know.... I’m happy you’re here with me, seriously."
"We’ll face this together too." she whispers, tapping the back of my hand and gesturing with a nod toward my still-intact suitcases. "So, while you put on your hideous flannel pajama that I see in here, and I unpack everything, I’ll listen to the story of how your tear-jerking goodbye with Nick went."
​My eyes instinctively drop toward the floor when I hear his name. Since I landed, I haven't heard from him; I didn't even want to check the phone, I only called Mom when I was inside the taxi. I don't feel ready yet to see what could be written. Aria suddenly throws my pajama straight in my face, taking advantage of my head being in the clouds.
"Go change and wipe the rest of the mascara off your eyes; you look like a panda. I’ll take care of things here."
I get up with difficulty from the bed and head toward the sliver of light from the bathroom. After rinsing my face with warm water and putting on my beloved pajama, I go back there. I widen my eyes when I find all my clothes folded on the desk and others hanging in the closet, and I see her waiting for me lying in my bed with her hands behind her neck. I especially notice the two sandwiches Miranda prepared for me for the trip. Aria takes one and bites into it without a second's thought and with the other hand points the second one toward me.
"Tell me." she mumbles with her mouth full.
​Something tells me that maybe everything will turn out for the best and that finally, I can have a real friend. I run toward her and between bites, I tell her everything, including about Nick and Kya. She advises that I should talk to him and hear his version, but I immediately try to change the subject, which I’m good at. We then start talking about this and that, especially about cinema and entertainment. After hanging the frame she gave me, and having a long debate about which music was better between the 80s and recent years, Aria falls into a deep sleep, or at least I think so since she’s been snoring for more than five minutes. I let her sleep on the side next to mine and remember that tomorrow morning I have to wake up early for the tour of the entire facility. I grab my cell phone from the nightstand and set the alarm for six; bad habits never die. My gaze lands on the message icon. I have to face this situation sooner or later, so better now. I turn one last time toward Aria to check that she is still sleeping and, with a trembling index finger, I press on the folder of the most recent messages.
Twenty messages from him, the same phrase, the same three words repeated several times at a distance of only one minute.