COMPLICATED.

CHAPTER 37

THE COLLEGE TOUR.

<< Can you say something? Like, are you happy to see me? Or are you just gonna stare at me like that for all these years we're gonna be together? >> Aria tells me jokingly when she turns on and off the hair dryer all the time.
I'm still in shock. I can't get out of my giant double bed, but I still can't believe you're standing here in front of me.
In London.
In this school.
In this room, with me.
How the hell is this possible?!
<< I don't understand. >> I murmur to myself as I follow with my eyes every single touch of her fingers to fix her shiny black locks.
<< What? Ah yeah, it's a new dye. They're even darker, aren't they? I like them too much! >> she exclaims with an exaggerated tone, smiling at her reflection in the portable mirror that she holds firmly in her hand.
<< Aria...>> I call her in a whisper in order to attract her attention. She just stops doing what he was doing a second ago and finally turns on my side.
<< Come on, Emma, react. It's me! >> she screams as she approaches me with open arms, ready to hug me.
Her arms completely envelop my body, being smaller than her seems to disappear in her grip. Unlike her, I can't move, I'm in the same position as when she said the first words. Not even being able to react the moment I feel her hands moving up and down my back, I decide to focus for the first time on the room as a whole. The more I look at the furnishings, the more I realize that they're not the rooms for the students they present on their website. The walls reflect the Renaissance style of the exterior corridors and the floor is so shiny and white that I can instantly recognize our two motionless figures. The wardrobes are all made of dark wood but have in the corners decorations made of precious gold, as well as the rest of all the other furniture around us. My face turns slightly towards the space reserved for Aria, where I immediately notice a huge backlit mirror that highlights even more the perfect mixture of classic design with the ultramodern one. In short, everything shines, from the headboards of the bed to the ceiling of lights.
A slight shaking of my shoulders brings me back to reality, the confused and perplexed face of Aria is the first thing that appears at my sight, making me immediately regain lucidity. I'm waving at her with my hand to sit, tapping the seat next to me.
<< You? Here? How and why?! >> I ask her frantically, massaging my temples.
The few hours of sleep are reaching their peak. It's all so confusing, it's already so bad that I haven't collapsed on these very inviting pillows!
<< Actually the novelty here is you, I've been accepted since the first auditions in January. >>
I only got to know this girl a week ago, even though I had the chance to run into her several times in the halls of our high school. I've never been interested in what could be behind that extremely makeup face with all the dark shades and to discover the real reason for her always eating alone in the dining room. I was too busy, forced more than anything, to sit in the rugby team table and avoid any other person being different from them, even if the first one away from their world was me. I only vaguely remember seeing her one day on senior year picking up some sheet music from the ground that had fallen from her hands. I wrinkle my forehead while retracing all these flashbacks.
I'm just confused here.
<< So you sing too? >> I ask her cautious but at the same time doubtful, trying to remember other details about her.
<< Yes, If you want it to blow
a storm ! >> she replies grinning and laughing.
<< We don't all have the angelic voice like you, Hamilton. >> she keeps telling me once she catches his breath.
I stare at her with a tired, crooked smile as an answer. She knows I hate when people call me by my last name, especially from her, who I'm really getting to know. We remain silent for a few more seconds until she breaks it coughing up clumsily.
<< I'm a violinist, by the way. >> she responds quickly by getting out of bed and wandering around the room.
A violinist?! The dark girl, at times apathetic and antisocial is a musician, I never would have thought.
Her answer makes me understand that she is used to being asked this precise question every single day but the curiosity to know more about here is stronger than me.
<< That's strange. Yet I don't remember seeing you in the orchestra group of which I was part, maybe because there were so many of us and...>>
<< No! I'm not the orchestra type. I'm a solo artist and I work alone, I'm not known to be very sociable, you already know that. I'd be able to unleash hell if someone didn't respect my ideas about how music should be written or played. >> she chuckles overboard, interrupting my doubts.
In fact, I can say that this is quite predictable once you get to know her better, maybe that's why we came together from the beginning, because despite appearances I would also have wanted to disappear from everything and from everyone and write my music alone or with someone more like me, following my rules. I'm sure Aria would have been a great music partner, I wouldn't have gotten in her way, and she would have done the same to me, just like Nick. Or at least that's how it was until a few hours ago. Instead, he's going to play his arrangements for his new girlfriend. Will I ever have a day without something happening to me that changes my mood every minute?! I don't think I can handle another swirl of emotion today.
<< Why didn't you ever tell me anything? We were together all this time before we left and you never mentioned it! >> I exclaim with a tone of voice unknown to me until now.
<< I actually wanted to tell you as soon as you told me but then I thought it wouldn't be a bad idea to surprise you. >>
Now my life has become a surprise, it's not a big news.
I snort and smile at the thought.
<< You know that...>>
<< That you hate surprises? Yes, we all know that. > she immediately interrupts me between giggles.
Aria moves to remove from a suitcase almost empty the last things to arrange in her side of the room, it seems that she has been here much longer than me.
<< How long have you been here? > I ask her curious as I watch her move quickly from one side to the other.
She points one by one to the clothes placed in bulk in her bed and counts them mentally as she responds to my question.
<< Just for a few days. Actually, just the day after I said goodbye to you. Before I was in another single room then your father managed to move me from another room to this one with you and so I had to move all my things...>>
<< Wait, what? I whisper to myself hearing my father mentioned.
Did he know everything?
<< Did my father manage to get you move here? >>
<< Yes. >> she says without thinking twice.
<< But we didn't even chose a different room together...>>
And certainly not this luxurious and VIP-worthy thing.
God, tell me that's not what I think!
Aria hears my words and gets distracted by her affairs and stares at me as confused as I do.
<< Oh, I thought at least he told you that...>>
<< What? >> I ask irritated.
I can't believe it, after all the times I've told both mom and dad I want to live this experience like a normal girl going to college! But of course, I'm a Hamilton and I'm also a Harper, and I can't be treated like any other, not even a stupid dorm. Even if even that minimal thing has a great importance for me. Why don't they want to fully understand that this makes me suffer?!
<< Don't be angry with me. All right, the idea of the surprise was mine because I wanted to see your reaction but the fact of the room was decided by your mother. Your father, however, after asking me by phone, only exchanged the room reservation secretly and paid for this. >>
<< He paid for you too?! >>
Really? Have we come this far?
<< Let's say he contributed. It was out of the question for him to pay for everything, he contributed to the first month and then I'll manage on my own. >>
I don't believe it. I feel like I'm passing out at any moment.
Aria sighs for a second and then kneels before me so she can look me straight in the eyes.
<< Look, I know they didn't have to do this behind your back and that you had to make these decisions, but I'm sure they did it for you. Come on, it's a good thing we're roommates, at least we're not alone in everything. Then I have some friends who signed up here and we could hang out more and get to know each other. I'm sure they didn't want to do you wrong but just get us started with the right foot on this new adventure. We'll have a lot of fun! >>
Aria's speech is getting deeper and deeper into my mind.
I'm aware that they didn't want to do it out of spite of me, but for all my life someone decides for me and for once, especially now that I want to leave the past behind, I want to be my own mistress. I promised this to myself, and I'm not going back, but I have to accept that my parents will always try to do what they think is best for me. We just have to find a meeting point and also as soon as possible, because this can't go on. The further away I am, the more I realize that our opinions are different. I raise my eyebrow and try to assimilate all this information and somehow accept it.
She's right, I have to enjoy it all the way. I'm not gonna let this ruin what I'm about to start, I have to think positive. I give a long, resigned sigh and focus again on my new roommate.
I smile at her when she's trying to make me laugh with her usual funny, weird faces.
<< You're right, I'm sorry. It can be the tiredness or the fact that everything is still so new for me, I don't know....I'm glad you're here with me, seriously. >>
<< We'll also face this together. >> she whispers, tapping the back of my hand and nodding her head to my suitcases still intact.
<< So, while you're wearing your hideous flannel pajamas that I see in here, and I unpack everything, I'm gonna listen to the story about how your tearful goodbye with Nick went. >>
My eyes drop instinctively to the floor when I hear his name.
I haven't heard from him since I landed, I didn't even want to check my phone, I just called mom when I was in the cab. I'm still not ready to see what it can be written.
Aria suddenly throws my pajamas right in my face, taking advantage of my head in the clouds.
<< Go get changed and remove the rest of the mascara from your eyes, you look like a panda. I'll take care of it. >>
I barely get out of bed and head for the window of bathroom light.
After I rinse my face with hot water and put my beloved pajamas back in there.
My eyes got big when I find all my clothes folded in the desk and others hanging in the closet and I see her waiting for me lying in my bed with her hands behind her neck. I especially notice the two sandwiches Miranda made me for the trip. Aria takes one and bites it without a second thought and with the other hand points the second one towards me.
<< Tell me everything. >> she mumbles with her mouth full.
Something tells me that maybe everything will be okay and that I can finally have a real friend.
I run up to her and in between bites I tell her everything, even about Nick and Kya. She advises me that I should talk to him and hear his side of things, but I try to change the subject right away, which I do very well. Then we begin to talk about more and less, especially cinema and entertainment. After hanging the frame she gave me, and having had a long debate about which music was most beautiful between the 80s and the last years, Aria collapses into a deep sleep, or at least I think since she's been snoring for well over five minutes. I let her sleep on the side next to mine and I remember that tomorrow morning I have to wake up early for the tour of the whole structure. I grab my phone from the nightstand and set the alarm for six o'clock, bad habits never die.
My gaze rests on the icon of messages. I have to face this situation sooner or later, so better now. I turn to Aria one last time to make sure she's still asleep and, with my index finger shaking, I press on the most recent messages folder.
Twenty of his messages, the same sentence, the same three words repeated several times every single minute.