COMPLICATED.

CHAPTER 12

THOUGHTS

My alarm blares, tearing through the silence. Eight in the morning. Is it Friday? Yes, I think so. I’ve lost track of the days; time has stretched into a shapeless blur. The nightmares gave me a break last night, but it’s a small mercy: it’s my real life that’s starting to feel more and more like a dead end.
​I have to pull myself together. I check my phone, my fingers trembling slightly. No new calls, no messages.
Nick, where on earth are you? Maybe he doesn’t want to talk to me. No, this is Nick we’re talking about; he would never abandon me. And yet, after what happened between us yesterday, I’m not sure of anything anymore. That kiss... I’d be lying if I said I didn't feel anything in that moment. It was... destabilizing. Beautiful.
I’ve only ever kissed Leo, but I’ve never kissed anyone the way I kissed Nick yesterday. It was a completely different spark—maybe because it was so unexpected. That must be it.
Damn it, Nick. You’re making me lose my mind.
​Enough. If he doesn’t call me within a few hours, I’m going to his house whether he likes it or not. I need answers.
There’s a knock at the door. Before I even have time to say "come in," my mother bursts into the room and starts gathering my clothes with a nervous haste. She hasn't spoken a word to me since yesterday when she ran away from the conversation. She is still disappointed and angry. Nothing I didn't expect.
I try to start a conversation by saying hello, but she remains silent. She gives me a sharp nod; I won’t push it. It’s useless—her cold behavior won’t make me change my mind.
​After a few seconds, she walks across the room to the door. She reaches for the handle but freezes, turns to look at me, and finally speaks.
"I think you should go to the shops today to pick out a dress for tomorrow’s graduation ceremony."
Oh god, that’s right. Graduation. Tomorrow.
I look at the gown hanging in the closet. Can I skip it? If I do, my mother will lose her mind completely. It looks like I have no choice. Now, to make matters worse, I have to go buy some "doll-like" dress to impress the principal and the professors. Someone help me.
​My mother’s impatient cough brings me back to reality. I check the clock.
"Yes, I think I’ll go to a few shops before they close. Do you want to come with me?"
"No, I’m busy," she replies coldly and walks out, leaving the door wide open.
Don't say anything, Emma. You know this isn't easy for her either.
"Give her some time," my father says, appearing in the doorway. "Just a few hours. I’ll try to put her in a better mood. I have my ways," he adds with a playful, suggestive tone.
"Oh my god, Dad, get out!" I exclaim, throwing one of my pillows at him.
He roars with laughter.
Thank you, Dad, for understanding.
​It’s ten o’clock when I leave the house. I stop at the nearest shop to buy a bus ticket for the city center. But first, I decide to head to Nick’s house. I have to see him; sooner or later, we have to talk.
I put on my headphones, select my favorite playlist, and choose Better by Khalid to accompany the trip. As the song starts, I begin to walk.
This song makes me think of that bastard.
"It amazes me that with your passion for music, you can listen to this," Leo had said with a disgusted face the first time he heard it. He didn't understand a thing. The arrangement is perfect, and the lyrics are spectacular. Every time I hear it, I feel absolute peace. Exactly what I need right now.
​When the music fades, I realize I’m standing in front of his house. We live quite close—just a matter of minutes. What will I say to him? What will he say to me? Stay calm, damn it!
I ring the bell, and after a few seconds, the door swings open to reveal Elisa, looking as radiant as ever.
"Oh, look who’s here! My favorite girl! Come here and give me a hug!" she exclaims in her perfect Italian accent.
This woman is a force of nature. I don't know anyone else as affectionate and spontaneous as her. After my own family, Nick and his mother are my pillars. She has always introduced me to others as the daughter she never had, and ever since we were little, she’s hoped for something more than friendship between Nick and me. Looks like she’ll have to wait a while longer. Like, forever. I think.
​She makes me sit on the sofa and sits down beside me.
"How are you? I haven't seen you for a few days. You look different, I don't know why. What brings you by? Did you miss me too much?" she says, tossing her long hair from side to side.
The gesture makes me laugh—a genuine laugh.
"I did miss you, actually, but I’m here to see Nick today. He didn't call me this morning like he usually does, so I decided to stop by and say hi. Is he home?"
"No, sweetheart, he left an hour ago. He told me he was going for a run and then straight to Mr. Smith’s for some extra piano lessons. But I’ll tell you the truth, he seemed strange today—a bit pensive. Is everything okay?"
​Nick only runs when he’s nervous about something. And I think I know why. My fault.
"Yes, I think so. He was at my house all day yesterday because I broke up with my boyfriend, and he stayed with me until late. But then we had a bit of a disagreement and I wanted to make sure everything was alright," I reply hurriedly.
Elisa beams at me with one of her best smiles. I look at her, confused. Why is she smiling like that? Oh god, does she know? Did he tell her?
"Wait, so you finally broke up with Leo? That’s wonderful news! You did the right thing; he was a prick!"
You have no idea how right you are. I want to avoid giving her the details. At least she doesn't know anything about me and Nick. What a relief! Though I don't even know what there is to know yet. I don't know myself.
​"No, I didn't know anything," she continues. "Nick never tells me a thing. That little pest! I still don't know how I put up with him; he’s exactly like his father was when he was younger!"
I smile at the memory of his father. He was a wonderful person, and Nick is just like him. His perfect copy. Without thinking, I hug her again so she knows how lucky she is to have Nick as a son. She seems to understand, as she squeezes me even tighter.
"I’ll let you know if he happens to come home before tonight. But I doubt it. We’ll probably just see each other at the ceremony tomorrow! So, are you ready? Juilliard is waiting for you!"
​I pull back from the hug and my expression darkens. The "other" Emma is coming back.
"I don't think so, because I actually withdrew yesterday. I’ll find something else in another city. You know, it’s just not for me right now. I just need to..."
"Don't worry," Elisa says, seeing me struggle. "You’re an adult now; I know you’re doing what you think is right for yourself. I believe in you. And you can always count on my help. Don’t you ever doubt that."
Her words warm my heart; I love this woman. And I know she means it. She’s proven it many times, and she knows she can always count on me too.
"Alright, enough sentimentality. I really have to go now."
I head toward the door.
"Can you tell Nick I came by, please?"
"Of course! See you tomorrow—you’re going to flip over my dress!" she calls out as I leave.
"I have no doubt!" I shout back as I walk toward the bus stop.
Time for some shopping. Thrilling... I just hope this all ends soon.