COMPLICATED.

CHAPTER 12

THOUGHTS

My alarm goes off.
What time is it? Eight o'clock in the morning. Is it Friday? Yes. Great.
Now I don't even remember what day of the week we are.
Nightmares were less tonight, nothing new.
I think back to everything that happened yesterday, and I realize that my life is turning into a nightmare, too. But I have to react , for what I can.
I check my phone, no new calls and no messages.
Nick, what happened to you? He won't talk to me.
No, we're talking about Nick, he would never do this to me.
But after what happened yesterday between us, I'm not sure of anything.
That kiss, I would lie to say that I felt nothing at that moment.
It was good. I mean, I've only ever kissed Leo but I never kissed anyone like I kissed Nick yesterday.
It was a different kiss, maybe because it was something unexpected, that's for sure.
Oh Nick, why did you do it?!
Damn it.
You're making me lose my mind.
That's enough. If he doesn't call me in a few hours I'll go to his house, whether he wants it or not. I need answers.
Someone's knocking on the door.
I don't even have time to say "come in" that my mom breaks into the room and starts picking up my clothes in a hurry. She hasn't spoken to me since yesterday. Ever since she ran away from me.
She's still disappointed and angry. Nothing I didn't expect.
I try to start a conversation by greeting her but she doesn't speak. She just nods to me. I won't insist. It's useless, her behavior won't change my mind.
After a few seconds she crosses the whole room until she arrives at the door, makes the gesture to turn the handle but then freezes and then she turns to look at me and finally speaks.
<< I think you should go shopping today, to choose a dress for the graduation ceremony of tomorrow. >>
Oh no, that's true.
The ceremony. Tomorrow.
I look at the tunic hanging in the closet.
Can I not go?
Yes, my mother will totally lose her mind.
Bad idea. I guess I have no choice.
And now on top of that, I have to buy a doll dress to impress the principal and the professors.
Somebody help me.
The coughing of my mom brings me back to reality.
I look at the clock.
<< Yes I think I will go to some store before the closing time. Do you want to come with me? >>
<< No, I have something to do. >> she  answers in a cold tone and leaves , leaving the door open.
Don't say anything, Emma. You know it's not easy for her either.
<< Give her a little time >> my father says at the entrance.
<< Just a few hours, I will try to put her in a good mood. I have my methods. >> she says in a lascivious tone.
<< Oh, my God, Dad, go away! >> I exclaim throwing one of my pillows on him .
He laughs.
Thanks dad, for everything.

It's ten o'clock when I leave the house.
I walk into the nearest store and buy a ticket for the bus that will take me later downtown. But first of all, I decide to go to Nick's house. I need to see him first, we absolutely should talk .
I put on headphones , I select my favorite playlist and choose Better by Khalid, who will accompany me along the way. I wait for the song to start and start walking.
This song makes me think of that bastard.
'It's terrifying that with your passion for music you listen this song' he told me with disgusting face as soon as he heard it for the first time. He doesn't understand anything at all.
It has a perfect arrangement and then the lyrics is spectacular. Every time I hear it, what I feel is absolute peace and that's what I really need right now.
When the music stops I realize that I'm in front of his house.
We live quite close. A matter of a few minutes.
What am I gonna tell him? What is he gonna tell me?
I'm gonna stay calm.
I ring the bell and after a few seconds the door opens wide and Elisa appears, in all its beauty.
<< Oh look who's here, my favorite girl, come here and give me a hug! >> she exclaims in perfect italian accent. This woman is a force of nature. I know no other person who is as loving and spontaneous as she is.
After my family, Nick and his mother are my reference points.
She has always introduced me to others as the daughter she never had and it is since we were kid that she hopes for more than a friendship between me and Nick .
Yeah, not gonna happen. I think.
She makes me sit on the couch in the living room and she comes to sit next to me.
<< How are you? I haven't seen you for a few days. You look different, I don't know why. Why did you come by here? Did you miss me too much? >> she says shaking her long hair from side to side .
This gesture snatches me a laugh and we find ourselves laughing together.
<< Well I did miss you, but today I'm here to see Nick, this morning he didn't call me as he always does and so I decide to stop by to say goodbye. Is he at home? >>
<< No tesoro, he told me he was going for a run and then straight to Mr. Smith's house for some extra piano lessons. But I have to tell you the truth, today he seemed strange, a bit thoughtful. Is everything okay? >>
Nick only runs when he is nervous about something.
And I think I know why.
My bad.
<< Yeah, I think. He was at my house all day yesterday because I broke up with my boyfriend and he stayed with me until late at night.>>
Elisa stares at me with one of her best smiles. I look at her confused.
Why is she smiling at me like that?
Oh no, she knows everything.
Did he tells her?!
<< Wait, so you finally broke up with Leo? What good news! You did the best thing, è uno stronzo! >>
From what Nick taught me about italian I realized that she said that Leo is an asshole. And you don't know how right you are.
I want to avoid telling her the details.
At least she doesn't know anything about me and her son .
What a relief!
Although I don't know what exactly she should know, neither do I.
<< No, I didn't know anything. >> she replies.
<< Nick never tells me anything. That troublemaker of my son! I still don't know how I can bear him, it's just like his father when he was younger. >> I can't help but smile at the memory of his father.
He was a wonderful person and Nick looks just like him. His perfect copy.
Without thinking I hug her again, so that she understands that she is lucky to have Nick as a son.
She seems to understand it because she holds me even tighter.
<< I'll let you know if he comes home before tonight. But I don't think so. We'll see each other tomorrow at the ceremony! So are you ready? Juilliard is waiting for you! >>
I detach myself from the hug and get confused.
Here I come, bitch Emma is coming back.
<< I don't think , because I withdrew just yesterday. I'll find something else in some other city. You know, it's not for me right now. I just need...>>
<< Don't worry! >> says Elisa seeing me in trouble.
<< You're old enough now, I know you are doing what you think is right for you. I believe in you. And you can always count on my help. Never doubt that. >>
Her words warm my heart, I love this woman. And I know that what she says is true. She's shown it to me many times, and she knows that she can always count on me.
<< Now stop with this musky stuff. I really have to go now. >> I go in front of the door.
<< Can you tell Nick I came by, please?>>
<< Of course, see you tomorrow. you'll love my dress! >> she exclaims once I'm out of the house.
<< I have no doubts! >> I answer as I go at the bus stop.
It's time to do some shopping.
I hope all this will end soon.

SONG OF THIS CHAPTER: