COMPLICATED.

CHAPTER 35

PREPARATIONS

<< Are you sure you want to leave? It's too hot for a moving. >> Dad tells me exhausted.
<< I have to. I feel you, I don't even want to check downstairs. >> I respond  between sighs.
The last days of May have been hellish, one of the hottest days of recent years. Manhattan is going up in flames.
The party was a week ago, and the next day I felt like I was running worse than a hamster on his wheel. After I sent the final college papers, my audition date was confirmed, which is next Friday. They don't give you much time to prepare, if you're talented, you have to be able to prove it straight away. In a single week we managed to dismantle my whole room and the rest of the house, I expected to have to leave at any time but not so soon.
Since Monday, my mom has been panicking about arranging travel for the moving, while my dad and my brother have helped me request a room on campus and Nick to choose the song playlist. I don't know how we managed to handle everything so well in such a short time. In all this mess I dedicated myself completely to spending the last moments with Aria between evening outings to the cinema and clubs, but especially with Nick. We took the last lap of half New York, from the majestic statue of Liberty to the panoramic view of the city from the imposing Empire State Building, from the abundant dinners in China Town to the fun karaoke evenings in Brooklyn bars.
Not to forget our beloved Central Park, where we made, for the last time before departure, our walks along the lake and our picnics.
It was like seeing the city for the first time, I'm gonna miss it even though I can't wait to leave.
As for Nick, nothing has changed, we agreed to forget everything and remain best friends, or at least that's what I want to convince myself of. During these days there have been times that we exchanged a look and with the eyes we betrayed this promise. It was too strange between us, there was less contact and his touch was missing more and more until it almost dissolved. It's probably better this way, if we'd let ourselves go to the end there would have been more suffering and that's the last thing I want.
My cousins never showed up again, Deborah changed her phone number and Marcus just wished me a message on Whatsapp to make a good trip and that he would be in Miami for two months on business.
I know through Mom that Grandma had another emotional breakdown and had to go straight back into the nursing home and will stay there for a while.
My aunt didn't contact me after the "embarrassment" of the party and Robert can disappear from my life forever.
It's really happening, just a few hours and I'll be in London for a fresh start.
I hope that changing the air will also decrease the nightmares, I can't go on like this.
I watch thoughtfully the objects left out of the many boxes and check the ones inside.
<< Are you alright, sweetie? >> Dad says noticing my sudden silence.
I shake my head and smile at him.
<< Sure, I was just thinking about...well a little bit about everything. >>>
Dad puts the lamp on the bed and joins me giving me kisses on the sides of my temples.
<< It's gonna be okay, you know this? >> he's whispering in my ear.
I'm hoping about that.

<< It has to, for sure. I'll do everything I can to make it possible. >>

Nick's voice creeps into my mind and relaxes my whole body.
I'm just too tense.
<< Yes, I know, everything must be fine. >>
Dad's sad, damp smile makes me uncomfortable and makes me feel anguish again. I step back and step away from his hold by unnecessarily checking the room, the bathroom and my closets again.
<< The photographs? >>
<< In this box. >> Dad replies, indicating one with written "MEMORIES" on it.
<< Good. >>
<< Everything's in place. We better go downstairs, Nick is helping the servants for hours...>>
I can't believe it. It's already too hard to leave without him, he never listens to me!
<< I told him he could wait for me at the entrance of the airport! Why is he here?! >> I exclaim , knowing already inside me the answer.
<< Emma, you know him. He would do anything to be near you. >>>
I doubt it, since he barely touched me these days.
I puff by wiping sweat from my forehead with my arm.
<< I know it's hard to leave the person you love for a while. >>
<< No, dad...>>
I'm not ready for this conversation with him.
<< There are other ways to see each other, now there's also Skype and you can do a lot of things, for example when I was around Europe to promote the book your mother and I...>>
<<Can you please avoid telling me the details of your sex life with mom? I don't need it and I don't want to know. >> I comment exasperated .
I feel like I need to cover my ears and scream until she stops talking about it.
<< All right, all right! > he exclaims raising his hands as a sign of apology.
<< Then you can use Skype to talk with us. Paul would certainly be happy about it. >>
<< However I don't love him. >> I murmur thinking about his previous statement.
<< So why are you still thinking about it? >> he asks me making his famous wink.
<< Because I hate lies. > I lie.
The truth is, I don't know how to answer.
I don't love him, I care more than before. I think, maybe?
Let's change the subject before this gets more uncomfortable.
<< Paul is becoming more and more like you. You have to stop with this winking thing. It's creepy! >>
<< Aah what lucky kid! Then? Can we help that poor boy? >>
<< I'm coming, I just have to take a shower. If you want you can start to go and I'll join you later. >>
He takes one last look at my bare room and, after nodding,  he walks out, closing the door with a single blow.
Meanwhile, I take the emerald green dress from the closet along with a white cardigan that I chose the night before and start to shower.