COMPLICATED.

CHAPTER 11

WHAT MATTERS

<< Let me explain. >>
Nobody talks.
My parents stare at me and Paul is upset.
Say something.
I keep talking hoping for a reaction.
<< It's the right thing to do, I have to go away from here. >>
My mother starts laughing softly, she doesn't stop. Yes, it's her hysterical laugh, she's really angry.
<< No, you don't have to. Come on, Henry, she's joking, can't you see it? >>
My father isn't of the same opinion and in fact takes his authoritarian tone and starts talking.
<< Do you have any idea what you're doing?
Have you thought about that?! You're giving up everything just for an asshole who can't keep it in his pants and you're letting him ruin your future! >>
<< You know very well that Leo isn't the only reason, you know it! This is all bullshit! >> I answer immediately.
<< Watch your language please! >> my mom says, pointing at my brother.
<< Oh God, I'm 10 years old! I know bad words! Let her speak! >> Paul shouts.
My father is surprised by his tone while my mother whisper to him her famosi "we'll talk later".
Tomorrow he'll be in detention, for sure. He was just trying to take my side, he's the best.
My father brings me back to reality.
<< Speak, explain everything. >>
I take deep breaths and tell everything , for the second time tonight.

They stare at me. Again.
Paul has a relaxed look.
My father moves away to get a glass of water, probably to recover from the shock while and my mom starts yelling at me.
<< Juilliard! We're talking about Juilliard, do you even know how hard it is just to have an interview?! You're really going crazy! You're hurting yourself! You were so determined, so perfect until yesterday and now...>>
<< Enough! Enough, I can't take it anymore! Perfect in this, perfect in that, you have to be like that, you have to be like her!
Mom don't you understand?! I'm not perfect, I've never been and I'm sorry I'm not like you, I've tried so many times but I'm not, I need to understand who I really am and I'll never be able to do it here. >> I scream.
I just said out loud the words that I never had the courage to confess to my mom.
She's speechless and tears are pouring down her face.
A few seconds later, as the perfect woman she is, she recovers and stares at me without commenting anything.
My father breaks the silence.
<< I understand you. Where do you want to go? Do you already have any ideas? >>
<< Henry, how can you accept this?! She's our damn daughter! >>
<< Exactly! She's our daughter! Look at her, does she look happy? Do you know her, do you think she'll ever be happy here?! It's her decision, and I don't want to lose her forever! >> he cries out to everyone not to address my mother directly.
She's upset.
Well done Emma, you're the reason for one of their rare quarrels. Will there ever be a moment of peace?
<< So? What's your plan? >> my father asks me.
<< I don't know, I haven't had so much time to decide where. I have seen, however, that London has good universities or singing schools. Then it's also your hometown and I thought ...>> I block myself because I notice a disturbing exchange of looks between my father and my mother.
Did I say something wrong? What's going on?
<< Honey, please not London , you don't really want to go there. >> my father answers in a whisper.
<< Why not? I mean, it's still nothing definitive. What's your problem with London? It's also the city where you grew up, it wouldn't be a bad idea. >> I answer confused.
What's going on? I don't understand.
After a few seconds my father sighs.
<< Alright, it's your choice but we should talk about it again at another time. >>
<< It's not possible, I can't accept it! >> my mom says in tears as she quickly climbs the stairs.
<< Theresa, please! >> my father
exclaims in an attempt to stop her but nothing to do, she has already locked herself in her room.
<< I'll talk to her, she'll be all right , you can count on me. We'll talk about it , now go to sleep, see you tomorrow. >>  my father says to me and Paul.
I can't believe it.
He defended me and decided to stay close to me.
Taken from my emotions I run towards him and embrace him.
<< Thank you, dad. >> I whisper behind his neck.
He breaks away from me, then he smiles and leaves.
<< Can you come to my room before you go to sleep? Someone has to read me comics! >> Paul says, calling my attention.
I smile and follow him.
Once we get to his room, I fix his pillow then I go to his library and I look at his vast collection of comics.
<< which one do you want
me to read? >> I say pointing one of them.
<< Forget it, I'm old enough to read alone, I didn't make you come for this >> Paul exclaims with a serious look.
Sometimes I forget that my brother is a child when he talks like this, he's incredible.
<< I'm going to ask you just one question, and I want a dry answer. Is this really what you want? >> he asks me.
<< Yes, it's the right thing and that's what I want >> I answer without thinking twice.
<< So that's all that matters, I just want you to be happy. I'm by your side >> I go immediately to hug him and surprisingly he tightens me more.
<< If you think to get rid of me, you are very wrong, I will annoy you forever. It's a promise! >> he tells me once that I'm near his door.
And I can't help but make a big mouth face and it makes him laugh. I can go to sleep in peace now, or at least almost.