COMPLICATED.

CHAPTER 40

COLD ENTERPRISES

The constant fog entirely blankets the streets of London, a dense and milky shroud that prevents me from reaching the incessant screams begging me to help them, to stay close. I am out of breath; the air has become suddenly unbreathable, heavy as lead. The more I try to reach those voices, the more they penetrate my head, blurring my thousand thoughts only to transform them into my greatest and darkest fears.
I cannot give up; I must move forward at all costs. I have to help them, and I am the only one who can. My legs, however, give way, and I fall defeated to the ground, into the cold, when I finally reach the place where the shrieks grow most intense. I remain trapped in the muddy soil, lying there, unable to get up or react. My face tilts to the side to breathe better, but a small teardrop escapes my left eye when a house suddenly appears before me. It is visibly filthy on the outside, surrounded by gray, lifeless, tall plants that seem to hide it from the rest of the world—abandoned. Abandoned to its fate.
Amidst the sudden rain and heavy thunderstorms, one familiar sound stands out above all, the one I have always hated and that I fear reliving every single time.
Only two sharp but deafening gunshots, and the screams immediately cease to exist.
Through the small, fogged-up window, I glimpse the reflection of two figures falling backward in slow motion; I recognize them instantly. I gasp in shock when I hear the sudden thud as they hit the floor, knowing they will never get up again. As tears stream rapidly down my face, I watch in terror as the boy with brownish-blond hair begs the blurred hand in front of him not to pull the trigger. His choked, terrified voice echoes in my head. He holds a teddy bear in his hands, clutching it tightly to his chest as if it were his only hope for survival.
That teddy bear... only one person could have it.
NO, GET AWAY FROM HIM!
Without a second thought, with what strength I have left, I run toward the door and enter that hellish place. The moment I set foot inside the house, I hear yet another shot and a faint moan before hearing that same thud.
The lifeless bodies of Mom, Dad, and Paul lie on the filthy floor; a massive pool of blood spreads and extends across most of it. I rush to reach them, cradling their heads as they dangle uselessly against my abdomen, while behind me, I feel the swift motion of someone pointing a weapon at the back of my neck.
Out of the corner of my eye, I recognize that blurred shadow moving closer and closer until it is right behind my shoulders. Then, its hand points precisely at the emerald-eyed boy, shifting all attention toward him.
I sob in despair as my blurred vision slowly focuses on him and I realize what is about to happen.
<< Take me, not her! I’m worth nothing, she is! >> he screams, determined yet terrified.
<< No Nick, don’t do it! >> I exclaim in fear, offering him an arm—a way to save himself, to flee.
But with tears in his eyes, he shakes his head no and tries to reassure me, faking one of his best smiles.
<< It’s okay, everything will be fine... >>
<< Don’t shoot, please! Don’t take him from me too! >> I beg, turning toward the shadow and trying to pry the gun from its hands. I cannot believe that such a tiny object can cause so much suffering in my heart. But Nick’s raspy voice, repeatedly murmuring my name, stops me. I turn my gaze to him; his eyes are half-closed and red as he stares at me, raising his hands in the air in surrender.
<< You won’t save me this time; now it’s my turn to do it. Don’t give up, don’t leave me! >> I promise him in a whisper between tears.
<< Emma, I... >>
And then comes the decisive shot, hitting him straight in the heart. He jolts, uselessly covering the wound with his hands before lingering on me for one last time and falling down, joining the rest of my family.
They didn’t abandon me; it wasn’t them. The shadow has always taken them away from me, one way or another. It swept away everything I cared about. I lost them before my very eyes, and nothing can bring them back.
And now I feel like a ghost wandering indistinctly upon this earth; I no longer have a reason to exist, nothing makes sense anymore.
<< Kill me too, I beg you. Put an end to this suffering! >> I ask, clinging desperately to its almost invisible feet.
<< Oh no, my darling, >> the shadow snickers, shouting with amusement at my reaction.
<< I’ve only just begun! Now it’s just the two of us against the whole world... >> it continues laughing, dragging my weak body across the floor and out of that place, where everything suddenly becomes darker and more suffocating.
In a world without them, far from them.
Far from him.
No, no, no!