COMPLICATED.

CHAPTER 8

NIGHTMARES

I can't move.
I'm stuck here since I don't know how much time. I don't know exactly where, I never know.
I just know I can't breathe. I'm looking for help, someone to take me away from here.I shout, until I lose my voice but nobody listens to me. Nobody hears me.
It's all dark. I can't see anything and I start to be afraid.
Finally I hear footsteps.  That something or someone is getting closer until I can recognize the figure.
The shadow...
I reassure myself, she will take me away from here.I get up from the ground and I try I reach her. Until I get stuck. The shadow suddenly turns into something more obscure and takes the appearance of a monster, which I know very well.
<< Leo, is that you? >> I whisper.
He's staring at me.
He makes fun of me and gets closer.
No.
No.
NO!

<< Emma! What is going on?! Please open the door! Let's smash it! >> I hear a soft voice from behind my bedroom door.
No, not these nightmares again. How did I get into my bed? And how did I fall asleep? I don't know but I never want to sleep again.
Never again.
Today it was worse than other times.
I just want silence and tranquility.
Stop, please.
<< Nick we must respect her decision. >> my mother repeats infinitely.
<< No. She needs someone now. She needs me, please open it! >> he replies, punching the door.
<< Henry...>> my mom calls mycdad with a worried tone.
<< Honey you know we can't. We have to respect her decision, she decided that. I know you would like to be near her right now but she doesn't want to. You know that...>>
Yes, dad. You know, go away.
Leave me alone.
<< Her decision ?! She was screaming until a few seconds ago! I can't accept it, how can she wants to be alone ?! Why? Why this 'thing' is so scary? >> Nick murmurs
My father sighs. And after an eternity he decides to confess.
<< Her dreams, her...>> he stops.
Dad don't do it. No one needs to know. Nobody.
<< Her what? >>
I recognize his protective tone among hundreds.
I'm sorry, Nick, but he can't say anything.
I can't say it.
<< She will tell you everything when she will be ready. I'm sure. >>
Ready? Never. It will not happen.
<< Please piccola. Open the door. I need it. >>
I imagine Nick resting his head on the door as he whispers these words.
Nick..not this time.
Not now.
Go away.

I have been in this room for an eternity and I absolutely have to go to the bathroom.
What time is it? Midnight?!.It was afternoon! I must have been lost in my thoughts.
I really need to take a shower and clean up this crap of today. What was supposed to be one of the best days of my life turned into a nightmare!
Nightmare, what a coincidence. I'm not surprised at all.
I go to the door and open it and what I see amazes me even more. Nick, leaning against the wall that sleeps softly.
Is he still here? This guy is crazy!
Why is he behaving like this today Sure, he's my "brave hero". I already know that he will try to stay close to me these days but I don't want that . I don't want anyone.
I try to get close to the bathroom door without making a sound but I fail miserably and Nick opens his eyes.
It didn't have to happen.
<< Emma! Finally, are you crazy? I was very worried and...>>
But he stops as soon as he sees my face that doesn't convey any emotion.
Crazy. I'm crazy ? Yes, probably.
<< Not now Nick. I need to take a shower. Go away. >> I mumble
I hear his steps behind me.
<< If you think I'll leave you alone after all the shit of today, well you can forget it. >>
I knew it. Having no answer from me, he goes on vomiting other words.
<< So let's continue like this! We can talk from one door to another. Okay, but you know that I'll stay here forever if that's what it takes to get out out of here. >>
He tries some jokes to lift the mood but he fails. Or at least just this time.
I go into the bathroom and leave him there in the corridor.
I undress and finally go into the shower.
The water jet relaxes me.
Finally a bit of peace, that doesn't last long. Because I start thinking about tomorrow's audition, with this mood I will certainly be impeccable!
I love this new sarcastic thoughts.
I like this new Emma.
I'm now without emotions, or at least for now. I don't feel anything for Juilliard either. Just the thought of being here in New York next to Leo immediately makes me sick. That future that we would never have, all a huge lie. And that’s when an idea is already making its way into my mind.