COMPLICATED.

CHAPTER 8

NIGHTMARES

​I can’t move; I’ve been frozen here for I don’t know how long. I don’t know exactly where I am—I never do. All I know is that I can’t breathe. I search for help, for someone to lead me away from this place. I scream until I lose my voice, but no one listens; no one hears me.
​Everything is pitch black. I can’t see a thing, and terror begins to take hold. Finally, I hear footsteps. That something, or someone, draws closer and closer until I can finally make out the figure.
The shadow...
I calm down; it’s going to take me away from here. I pull myself up from the ground, relieved, and try to reach it—until I freeze. The shadow suddenly twists into something darker, shifting more and more into the form of a monster I know all too well.
"Leo? Is that you?" I whisper.
He watches me, mocking me. He moves closer and closer.
No.
No.
NO!

​"Emma! What’s happening?! Please, open the door! Let’s break it down!"
I hear a raspy voice from behind my bedroom door.
No, not these nightmares again. How did I end up in my bed? And how did I manage to fall asleep? I don’t know, but I never want to sleep again. Never again.
Today was worse than all the other times. I just want silence and peace. Enough, please.
​"Nick, we have to respect her decision," my mother repeats for the hundredth time.
"No! She needs someone right now! She needs me! Please, open it!" he replies, pounding his fists against the door.
"Henry..." Mom calls out, worried, to my father.
"Sweetheart, you know we can’t. We have to respect her choice; she decided this. I know you want to be by her side, but she doesn't want it. You know that."
Yes, Dad. You know. Now go away. Leave me alone.
​"Her decision?! She was screaming until a few seconds ago!" Nick whispers, sounding confused and hurt. "How can she stay in there alone? Why? What is so terrifying that she won't talk about it?"
My father sighs. After an eternity, he decides to confess.
"Her dreams, Nick... her..."
He stops.
Dad, don’t do it. No one needs to know. No one.
"Her what?"
I recognize his protective tone among a thousand others. I’m sorry, Nick, but he can’t tell you. I can’t tell you.
"When she’s ready, she’ll tell you everything. I’m sure of it."
Ready? Never. I’ll never be ready. It’s not going to happen.
​"Please, piccola. Open the door. I need you."
I imagine Nick leaning his head against the door as he murmurs those words. Nick, not this time. Not now. Go away.
​I’ve been in this room for an age, and I desperately need the bathroom. What time is it? Midnight?! It was afternoon just a moment ago; I must have lost myself in my thoughts. I wish I didn't have to think at all. But what little remains of the old me is still there. I really need to get to the bathroom, take a shower, and wash away the filth of today. What was supposed to be one of the best days of my life has turned into a nightmare.
Nightmare. What a coincidence. I’m not surprised at all.
​I approach the door and open it, and what I see surprises me even more. Nick is leaning against the wall, sleeping fitfully. He’s still here? This guy is out of his mind. Why is he acting like this today?
Of course—he’s my "brave hero." I know for a fact he’ll try to stay close to me in the coming days, but I don’t want that. I don’t want anyone.
I try to creep toward the bathroom door without making a sound, but I fail miserably, and Nick’s eyes snap open.
This wasn't supposed to happen.
"Emma! Finally! Are you crazy? I was so worried and..."
But he cuts himself off the moment he sees my face—a face that betrays no emotion.
Crazy. Am I crazy? Yes, probably.
"Not now, Nick. I need the bathroom. Go away," I mutter.
I head toward the bathroom, but I hear his footsteps right behind me.
"If you think I’m leaving you alone after everything that happened today, you can forget it!"
I knew it.
Getting no response from me, he continues to pour out more words.
"So, is this how we’re doing this? Talking through doors? Fine, but you should know I’ll move in right here if that’s what it takes to get you out of there."
He tries to joke, trying to lift my spirits, but he fails. Not with me, at least.
​I step into the bathroom and leave him there in the hallway. I undress and finally step into the shower. The spray of water relaxes me. Finally, a moment of peace—though it won't last long. I start thinking about tomorrow’s audition; with this mood, I’ll certainly be "impeccable."
I’m emotionless now, or at least for the moment. I already love this new sarcastic edge to my thoughts. I like this new Emma. I feel nothing, not even for Juilliard. In fact, the mere thought of college being here in New York, so close to Leo, makes me instantly nauseous. That future we were never going to have—it was all one giant lie.
​And it’s at that very moment that an idea begins to take root in my mind.