COMPLICATED.

CHAPTER 24

MISUNDERSTANDINGS

Paul and I are in Central Park, our special place.
It's a wonderful spring day, the sun is shining and all the kids are having fun. He's carefree, laughing like never.
He's swinging on a swing, I'm sitting on a dock, blessed of this moment of peace and pure happiness. I look away to focus on my surroundings.
New York is a busy and chaotic city, but here it seems to be immersed in nature, everything is green and is a perfect place for think or read a good novel. It's my refuge, it's always been, since I was little. I was sure that Paul would like it too, he loves playing in the open air. I look at the swing again, but it's empty.
He disappeared, I panic.
I shout his name, I walk a thousand meters but he isn't here. People don't hear my screams, no one listens to me, no one helps me.
Everything becomes dark and the first raindrops begin to fall from the sky. Finally I find him, he isn't alone.
The shadow puts his hand on his shoulder and speaks to him concisely.
He remains still.
<< LET HIM GO! >> I scream louder.
He doesn't hear my voice.
<< Help me! >>
Everything moves in slow motion, I pray other people to help me, but nothing to do.
'She' takes him by the hand and away from me. My cries turn into wailing.
I've lost him, it's too late.
Paul...PAUL!

Please, not this nightmare.
It's the middle of the night. I have to throw up, now.
I jump out of bed until I get in front of the bathroom toilet.
I throw up all last night's alcohol in a second, my vision's blurry, and I'm sweating too much.
After that I rinse my face and mouth in front of the sink. I look myself in the mirror, I look pale, I look like a ghost. Same as I was in my dream, if not worse.
No, just think it was just a nightmare. Nothing is real, Paul is here, with your family, Nick is also fine. Everyone is safe.
I thought 'the shadow' was my friend, or at least one person I could count on... Now it's my biggest fear, she's destroying everything I care about and also ruining my existence.
Emma looks on the bright side, at least you don't feel nauseous anymore. I was sleeping terribly. I have to catch up some hours of sleep. I take big breaths and go back to bed, hoping to never see her again, not today.

My alarm goes off later than usual. Last night, when I woke up, I decided to move it two hours later. And now I'm here, eleven in the morning, still having a crazy headache. I have to get up and face this day too, I think today I will send the application for college in London , I hope they'll answer me soon.
I will not put makeup on today, I'm not in the mood.
I brush my hair and pick it up in a tail, I grab a soft leggings, a pink short-sleeved shirt from the drawers and then I go to the bathroom to get ready.

After breakfast, I decide to stand in front of my computer and concentrate on enrolling in the Royal College of Music, which is what I hope could be my future.
Once I have put all my data and have uploaded some covers I send everything and pray that they could accept me and also let me know as soon as possible.
Hugo Boss's perfume warns me of Nick's presence before he even starts talking.
<< So it's definitive? Are you leaving? >> he says with a hoarse voice.
His gaze is sad and lost in the void.
I have flashbacks of yesterday.
He that takes me away from Jack.
He that confesses to me that he hasn't repented of the kiss.
That seeing me kiss another guy makes him crazy.
That I try to kiss him.
And of a girl , who spents time with.
Now I remember everything but I still try to suppress anger, or disappointment, or whatever it is.
<< I hope for the college, that I'll go away yes, but you know it. >>
It's the truth, he has to get used to the idea. Nick sighs and close his eyes without commenting on my sentence.
Don't come any closer, he has to accept it himself sooner or later.
<< Okay...>> he says in a whisper.
Okay? You give up so easily? Emma, it's better this way, it'll be less painful.
I'm tired, one day we scream at each other and the next it's all hugs and laughter and then it's all over again. It has to end, and I have to do this if it's necessary.
<< What are you doing here Nick? >>
He takes the phone out of his pocket , puts it in the desk next to mine and sits on the side of the bed.
<< I wanted to know if you had recovered from last night, let's say you were slightly drunk. >>
Fake indifference, be cold.
<< I'm good. >> I lie .
<< Uh yeah...
Listen I should tell you something, but not here, we can go out? Picnic in Central Park? I brought the strawberry cupcakes. >>
Central Park.
Strawberry cupcakes.
Me and Nick.
Is this really happening? I'm not imagining it all, am I?
After tonight I'm afraid to go there, but I'm not alone, Nick is here.
The phone flashes, without thinking I take it over and I read the message.
Kya? Eh?!
This isn't my phone...

" It's nice being with you, I hope everything is fine, xo."

Perfect. And I also wanted to put aside the anger!
<< Why don't you take her to the picnic?! >> I yell at him by throwing the phone on the bed. He also reads the message and rolls his eyes at me.
<< If you calmed down for a second I would tell you for the millionth time that it isn't what you think. >>
<< What the hell would you say to me?! That you spent most of the night making out with her? >>
<< I would have told you that I was talking about you and how confused I was, nothing happened between me and her! >>
Oh of course! He talks about me, but WITH ME he doesn't talk about us.
My patience has a limit, and it's been a long time since I passed it, now that's enough.
I walk fast towards the bed pointing my finger at him.
<< Listen, stop saying bullshits...>>
He pulls me by the arm and in a moment I find myself lying in the bed under him.
I try in vain to push him away but he grabs my wrists and locks them on the sides of my head. We stare into each other's eyes without saying anything, we are speechless.
Suddenly the door snaps open.
<< Emmy I wanted to ask you if...
Uh sorry, go ahead! >>
<< Paul, you misunderstood everything! >> I tried to say, but of course he's already closed the door.
<< Don't worry, you're not the only one here! >> he exclaims Nick without breaking away from me.
Kill me, now.