COMPLICATED.

CHAPTER 3

LEO

​It’s a cool, damp day in New York, even though it’s May. People here always seem to be in a rush, but today the city feels even more frantic. Martha, who usually packs my lunches, is more on edge than usual—which is saying something, considering her typical temperament is that of a hyena. But I keep my friendly mask on; I flash her a smile, pay for my strawberry cupcake, and head out.
​The tension seems contagious today, and Leo is no exception. From the moment I got into his car, he’s seemed bothered by something. I find myself wondering: if football makes him this miserable, why keep playing? But I already know the answer. It’s always been his dream, and he needs it for college. We’ve decided to stay here; this is the city of dreams, so why leave? He’s fighting for a scholarship, and I’ve practically been accepted to Juilliard, though I still have one final audition to get through.
​It’s tomorrow afternoon.
​I decide to break the heavy silence between us.
"I’m terrified of failing tomorrow."
"You’ll be fine," he answers without taking his eyes off the road. "Besides, didn't you tell me you were already in?"
"Yes, but I have to sing one last song for a judge who wasn't there last time. I’m thinking of Bird Set Free by Sia. What do you think?"
"Yeah, sounds good..." he mutters, his voice cold.
​I’m about to lose my patience, and if I’m saying that, it means I’m about to snap—which is a rare occurrence for me.
"Leo, what is going on? You’ve been acting so strange lately and I don't think it’s just about football. Can we talk about it this afternoon? I could come over to your place and..."
Finally, Leo turns to look at me.
"There’s nothing to talk about. I’ve told you the reasons, and they haven't changed. We’ve been together for three years; you should know this by now! And anyway, I can't today. I have things to do."
​I’m stunned by his sharp tone. I find my voice and fire back.
"It’s precisely because I’ve known you for so long that I know this isn't you. And what exactly do you have to do later?"
"I don't have to tell you everything! Can't I just have my own life for once? It's not like there's much for us to do at my house anyway—in my room—if you catch my drift."
​We’ve been together for three years, but we’ve never "slept" together. Why? Simply put, I’m not ready. I love Leo deeply, but I’ve never felt that specific need. Maybe my love for him exists on a different plane. It makes me the perfect cliché from every novel I’ve ever read. It was never a problem for him. Until today.
​"I’m not even going to grace that with a comment," I reply angrily. "Let me know when you’ve calmed down."
I turn away and stare out the window, refusing to look at him for the rest of the drive.
​A few minutes later, we pull into the school parking lot. Leo walks around to open my door and pulls me into an embrace before I can even react. Suddenly, he whispers into my ear.
"I’m sorry. I don’t know what came over me. I didn’t mean what I said. I love you. I’ll see you tomorrow. You’re catching a ride home with Nick, right?"
​I decide to let it go, just this once. I watch him walk away toward the gym with his teammates. I stand there for a few seconds, trying to catch my breath, until a raspy voice I know all too well speaks up behind me.
"Do you have an extra cupcake for me, or did your boyfriend eat them all already?"
​I turn around and, instantly, I’m smiling.
"Nick!"