COMPLICATED.

CHAPTER 18

NEVER AGAIN!

No emotion. As if nothing had happened. So why did that "nothing" trigger all of this? If it meant nothing, why didn’t we speak for two days? Why is he avoiding me? Why this attitude?
Emma, you know why. He hasn’t accepted the fact that I’m leaving. It must be his way of reacting to the situation. Or no, he’s just being a prick. I’m too angry to think positively right now. I’m not that person anymore, and people need to get used to it. I can't let myself be seen like this—broken and weak.
Never again, my mind reminds me. Never again.
That kiss meant nothing? Fine, Nick, two can play at that game. You want "nothing"? I’ll be more than happy to give it to you. But he will never be "nothing" to me. He’s still my best friend, and despite everything, I adore that guy. But right now, I don’t know what to think. My mind isn't clear. I’m offended, disappointed, and angry—all at once.
​The phone vibrating in my bag distracts me from these damn thoughts. A message from Mom. Great, I’m in deep trouble, I think. But it’s not from her.
"Emmy, it’s Paul, I stole Mom’s phone. I’m so sorry about earlier, but you can do this. You’re stronger than everyone else—prove it. I’ll defend you if I have to. Come back to us. I love you!"
Paul, you’re my greatest treasure. What would I be without you? He’s right. I am stronger than all of this, but I don’t need to prove it to them—I need to prove it to myself. I take off my gown, find the right hallway, and head toward the field.
​Everything has already turned into a party: a dance floor, colored lights, and decorations everywhere. It feels like prom all over again. One was more than enough. And yet, I was happy that night. Leo and I crowned king and queen. Thinking about it now makes me want to laugh. Me, the queen? Please. Only because I was the quarterback's girl. Was. Thank God.
​"Emma!" My father runs toward me and hugs me tight. I can feel his worry melting away.
"I’m fine, Dad. I just needed to get away for a bit. I’m here now."
"I’m so sorry..." he whispers.
"Don't worry, Emma’s tough, right?" Paul says, winking at me. I kneel down to look him in the eyes and whisper "thank you." He smiles and, without any more sentimentality, runs off to join a group of kids playing ball.
​I don't see my mother. She probably fled out of shame, and I don't blame her this time.
"It was a beautiful ceremony, wasn't it?" someone says behind me.
So you didn't leave...
"Mom, I know, I’m sorry for the mess earlier and for not reacting sooner, but it wasn't eas—"
Her embrace catches me so off guard that I’m paralyzed. I was expecting one of her lectures; I wasn't prepared for this. My mother, hugging me. Once I realize it’s happening, I hug her back even tighter.
"You don't need to apologize, sweetheart. It’s not your fault at all. You were so beautiful on stage; I’m so proud of you. London will adore you."
London. She actually said it. The support of my family is all I need.
"Alright, that’s enough! Let her breathe, Theresa!" my father says, breaking the moment. "Can we go eat now? I’m starving!"
​Sitting at a table, I watch everyone on the dance floor. Every time a slow song starts, I see Leo staring at me, inching closer as if he’s trying to work up the nerve to ask me to dance. I wouldn't even share the same air as you, let alone a dance.
I go back to the buffet and pour myself some champagne. The "new" Emma drinks now. I like this version. At least it helps me forget. But as always, I was wrong, because at that very moment, Elisa reaches me, with Nick by her side.
​"There’s our girl! She’s beautiful, isn't she, Nick?"
"Yes, she is," he replies quickly.
Go take a hike, Nick. Far away from me. No, wait, don’t go. Ugh, stop confusing me!
I decide to ignore him and focus all my attention on his mother. "Elisa, thank you so much! And you were right about the dress—you have to lend it to me one day!"
She’s wearing a long, elegant red dress; she looks stunning. She twirls and smiles. "I know, it’s gorgeous! It’ll be here waiting for you when you get back from London!"
"Wait, how do you know about London?"
"Oh, it was—"
"Your father!" Nick interrupts loudly. "We were talking to him earlier."
Henry Hamilton! Seriously?!
​"I have to go find my sister now," Elisa says, kissing my cheeks repeatedly. "I’ll miss you so much. Our home is always open, remember that. Call me!"
"Hold back the tears, Mom, because you’ll need them for when you have to say goodbye to me," Nick says after a few moments.
What? Still with this "following me" story? He won’t talk to me, and now he wants to move to another city with me? And today of all days, in front of his mother?
"What do you mean?" Elisa asks her son.
Panic. Pure panic.
"You know how dramatic Nick is, Elisa! Juilliard isn't even that far from home!" I exclaim with a fake laugh.
"Actually, I didn't mean—"
"Nick, I have a desperate urge to dance. Let’s go!" I drag him away, leaving his mother with a confused look.
​Once we’re on the dance floor, I force myself not to stomp on his foot. "Is this the right time for these kinds of scenes? In front of your mother?!"
"I was just telling the truth. It’ll be more painful to tell her later," he retorts with a smirk.
"You aren't telling her anything, because you aren't doing anything!" I’m practically shouting.
"We’ll see about that. So? Shall we dance?" He holds out his hand. Is he serious?
I’m about to give him a piece of my mind when the principal speaks into the microphone.
​"Ladies and gentlemen, to continue this beautiful evening, I’d like to invite one of our best performers to the stage. Our homecoming queen and future star student at the Juilliard School... Emma Hamilton! Let’s have a round of applause!"
​I should have run when I had the chance.