COMPLICATED.

CHAPTER 18

NEVER AGAIN!

No emotion.
As if nothing had happened. So why did that "nothing" cause all this?
If it didn't mean anything, then why haven't we talked in two days?
Why does he avoid me?
Why this attitude of his?
Emma, you know that.
I'm sure he didn't accept the fact that I'm leaving.
It could be his reaction to this whole situation.
No, it's because he's a jerk.
I'm too pissed to think positively.
I'm not that person anymore, and people have to deal with it.
I can't allow myself to be seen like this, broken and weak.
'Never again this kind of thing!' my mind reminds me.
You're right.
Never again.
So that kiss meant nothing? Perfect Nick, two can play this game.
Do you want 'the nothing'? I'll be more than happy to give it to you.
But he'll never be nothing.
He is still my best friend, and despite everything I adore that guy.
But now I don't know what to think. I'm not thinking straight.
I'm offended, disappointed and angry. too much and all at once.
The phone vibrating inside my purse distracts me from these damned thoughts.
A message.
From Mom.
Well, I'm in trouble.

'Emmy, I'm Paul, I stole mom's phone. I'm really sorry, but you can do it. You are stronger than everyone, prove it. I will defend you if I have to. Come back to us. I love you!'

Paul, you're my greatest treasure. What I would be without you!
It's true.
I'm stronger than all this, but I don't have to prove it to them, but to myself.
I take off my tunic, find the right corridor and I walk towards the ceremony.

Everything has already turned into a party.  Dance floor, colorful lights and  decorations!
It seems to be at a prom. Very nice, but not again. One is more than enough.
Yet I was happy that night.
Me and Leo, crowned king and queen of the school. If I think about it now I laugh.
Me as a queen? Please. Just because I was the quarterback's girlfriend.
I was. Luckily.
<< Emma! >> my father runs towards me and hugs me tight. I sense his concern.
<< I'm fine, Dad. I had to leave for a while. I'm here now. >> I calm him down and he smiles back.
<< I'm so sorry...>>
<< Don't worry, Emma is strong, right? >> says Paul winking at me.
<< Yeah, you're right. >>
I kneel down to look him in the eyes.
<< Thank you. >> I murmur to him.
He smiles and without getting lost in the mushy stuff he reaches a group of kids playing football.
I don't see my mother anymore.
She's probably already run away for the shame. I don't blame her this time.
<< It was a nice ceremony, right? >> someone says behind my back.
So you didn't leave...
<< Mom I know, I'm sorry about all this mess and I didn't react right away, but it wasn't eas..>>
Her hug surprises me so much that I remain paralyzed.
Wow, I was expecting one of her many
little speeches. I wasn't prepared for this.
My mother, who hugs me.
After realizing what is happening I return the hug and I tighten her stronger to me.
<< You don't have to apologize, love
It's not your fault at all. You were so beautiful on stage, I'm so proud of you. London will love you! >> she exclaims out loud.
I don't know what to say. I'm so happy, I can't find the right words.
The support of my family is
everything I need.
<< Enough Theresa, let her breathe! Can we go eat now? I'm so hungry! >> my father says interrupting this moment of affection.
Yes, I'm hungry too. After a few seconds we arrive at the counter set up for the buffet.
<< I told you I'd convince her with my methods... >> my father whispers to me.
<< Oh God, not this story again! >> I exclaim laughing.

I'm sitting on a table watching everyone go wild on the dance floor.
From pop music to slow music for couples.
For each one of them I noticed that Leo was staring at me and that he was getting closer and closer to me in an attempt to ask me to dance.
I wouldn't even want to share the air with you, imagine being so close to you.
Enough think.
I approach the counter again and pour myself some champagne.
The new Emma drink alcohol now.
I like this new version of myself .
At least I forget everything, but as always I was wrong, because right now Elisa joins me, following by Nick.
Today is not a good day.
<< Here's our girl! You're so beautiful, right Nick?! >>
<< Yes, she is.>> he responds quickly.
Go for a walk, away from me.
No, don't go away.
Ugh, stop confusing me!
I decide to ignore him and all my attention goes to his mother.
<<Elisa, thank you so much! And you were right about the dress, you have to lend it to me one day! >
She's wearing a long, very elegant red dress, she's beautiful.
After making a turn she smiles satisfied at me.
<< Yes I know, it's wonderful! When you'll return from London it will be here waiting for you! >>
<< Wait, how do you know about London? >> I answer confused.
<< Oh, it was...>>
<< Your father! We were talking to him earlier and he told us.>> says Nick out loud.
Henry Hamilton! Seriously?!
<< Now I have to reach my sister, I'll miss you very much. Our house is always open, remember it, let me know everything and call me! >> says Elisa giving me thousand kisses on the cheeks.
<< Hold the tears mom, because you'll need them for when you have to say goodbye to me. >> Nick says after a few minutes.
What?! No, still with this story of following me. He doesn't talk to me and now he would like to move to another city with me?!
And then all of this just today, in front of his mother?!
<< What do you mean? >> Elisa asks to her son.
Panic.
Panic.
Panic!
<< Don't worry Elisa! How dramatic you are Nick, Juilliard is not so far from home! >> I exclaim laughing.
Please believe me.
<< Truly I didn't mean...>>
No. Not today!
<< Nick, I really want to dance.. come on! I'll definitely call you Elisa, I'll miss you! See you later, maybe! >> I drag him away from there, leaving his mother with a confused look.

Once we get inside the dance floor,  I force myself not to step on his foot.
<< Does this seem the right time to make a scene like this?! Also in front of your mother! >> I say angry.
<< I was just telling the truth, now it'll be more painful to tell her everything! >> he answers me with a grin.
<< You don't have to tell her anything, because you won't do anything! >> I'm practically yelling.
I don't care, he has to understand.
<< We'll see that, so? Do you want to dance? >>
He lends a hand to me.
Is he serious?! I remain silent with my arms folded.
In the moment I decide to give him a proper answer, the principal talks into the microphone.
<< Ladies and gentlemen, to continue this beautiful evening in the best way I would like to invite to sing here on stage one of our best performers. Our queen and next model student at Juilliard School. Emma Hamilton! Give her an applause! >>
I had to run when I had the chance.