My New Life (Sebastian x Reader) - (FIXING ALL SPELLING, DIALOGUE, PUNCT)

Chapter 5 - My Breakdown

          I woke up to the smell of something very familiar.  I opened my eyes and sat up. "Pancakes ... I smell pancakes." I said. I looked over to the other side of the bed. Sitting there on my night stand was a plate of blueberry pancakes. Sitting right next to it was a noted signed with Sebastian on the bottom. I hopped out of bed and made my way towards the night stand. I picked up the plate and sat it on my lap as I sat back down on the bed. As I began to eat I opened up the note. The note recited, 

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        "Dear (Your Name), I came In to wake you up but you were sound asleep. I decided to let you sleep in. You had a rough night it seems. I talked to the young master into letting you stay here at the manor. It wasn't easy. You owe me one. Nevertheless, when you are finished eating I placed something for you to wear at the end of your bed if you haven't already noticed. When you're done would you please come to the study? The young master would like to meet you. I didn't tell him that you already know a lot about us and our current situation. We should probably keep that between us, don't you think? It would save the trouble of having to re-explain everything. Anyway, Enjoy your breakfast Miss (Last Name)."

- Sebastian   

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          I smiled and folded the note, slipping it into my pocket. "This wasn't anything special but, I think I'm going to keep it. I appreciate the note, Sebastian." I brushed my hair back with my fingers and continued eating. "I wish he wouldn't use fancy gestures though like, "Miss." I guess it'll be something to get used to. I like how formal it is but I don't think I like being treated like everyone else." I muttered. 

         I finished up the pancakes and placed the plate back on the night stand. I looked at the end of my bed and there laid a fancy blue box with a white ribbon tied around it, keeping it closed. I approached the box and tugged on the ribbon, gently pulling it off. I slowly lifted the lid off the box and what was folded neatly inside was a fancy blue dress. "There is no way in hell I'm wearing a dress or that dress at the very least. This is something Elizabeth would wear... but this dress must have cost a lot of money just by the looks of it. It would be very impolite of me not to wear it." I thought. "Sorry Sebastian, I just won't wear this." I mumbled to myself. I gently closed the lid to the box and put it down. I threw myself back onto the bed, burying my head into the pillow to see nothing but darkness.

          I was always afraid of the dark. I'd always see shadows and things I could never understand or depict. I always knew it was my imagination playing tricks on me but it still didn't change the fact I didn't like what I saw. What could it all mean? Or was it just me over looking it all everytime I saw something I didn't like?

          As I was deep in my thoughts I heard a knock on the door. I lifted my face from the pillow and kept eye contact with the door. I didn't want to say anything.  I didn't even want to leave the room. I didn't want to put on a smile, go to the study, and act like everything's okay. Everything that was upsetting me was hitting me all at once. I almost felt overwhelmed, as if everything that had happened in the last 24 hours was finally hitting me. Anxiety is what they'd call it. "I'll never go back home, will I?" My heart was pounding, a tear trickled down my cheek. "(Your Name), are you alright? The young master wanted me to check on you. He's eager for you to make yourself known."

        I didn't want to see Sebastian. I didn't want him to see me cry. "O-Oh, S-Sebastian ..... please don't come in. I'm indecent! I'll be out in a few minutes so don't worry I'm fine." I lied, trying not to sound upset. Despite what I said he came in any way. I hopped out of bed and wiped my eyes as fast as I could, leaving no trace. I didn't like when people see me cry, especially him of all people. I didn't do it often so when I do start to cry it all comes out at once. I began to sense a feeling of vulnerability. "Sebastian! I said I was changing! Get out," I growled. "Well, you lied... You're crying  aren't you?" He said with a soft tone in his voice. The room grew silent. "I-I ... No. I'm not crying. I'm fine so please go. I'll be there momentarily." I turned around, facing the wall so all he could see was the back of me. All I could hear was shuffling from behind me. Just when I thought he was leaving I felt a hand touch my shoulder. That made it even harder for me to hold back my tears. "(Your Name) look at me. I want you to face me." I clenched my fists to where they started to tremble. "If you can look me in the eye and still tell me you're fine, I'll be on my way." At that moment, I wiped away the tears that had already come out. I took a deep breath and I put on a mask, thinking maybe I could to throw him off. I turned around to face him. I couldn't look him in the eye, so I stared off at the door. 

"Sebastian, I'm fine so please there's nothi---" 

"Look me in the face, (Your Name)."

        I looked at him, and I saw concern in his eyes. I couldn't do it. "I can't Sebastian. I just can't. I don't know where I'm at or what to do." I let loose. The tears poured down like a storm cloud had just hit. He hugged me. His hand was rubbing the back of my head gently. My face was buried in his chest. "Oh (Your Name), you're so delicate." He said as his hand brushed through my hair. "I don't want sympathy." I thought. I pushed him away gently. He looked at me with solicitude. "I'll be fine," I muttered. Everything remained still and silent. Sebastian's stare went cold. "Sebastian,  I'm sorry ..." I rushed passed Sebastian and out the door and ran down the hall with tears running down my face. I rushed down the steps and made my way towards the door to exit the manor. I had so many things rushing through my mind. "Why am I upset? Why can't I just trust him and open up?" As thoughts like these flooded my mind, I tried to escape this never ending maze of a mansion. I almost reached the door but Sebastian had already beat me to it, stopping me dead in my tracks. Then I realized I couldn't escape him no matter how hard I try nor this suffocating reality. "I give up. You win Sebastian.  I can't escape you. I hope you're satisfied." I said with tears rushing down my face. I dropped to my knees on the floor. "(Your Name) why are you being so stubborn? Why are you trying to hide? You're acting like a child." I didn't answer. He approached me and put out his hand to me. Still being my stubborn self I only stared at his hand in rejection. I stood up and turned my back to him. I started to walk away but he slipped his arms around my waist and held me tight. "Sebastian ... let me go." I said in a quiet tone trying to escape his embrace. "(Your Name) I won't let you escape me. Not this time. I've been too easy on you." He whispered into my ear. Suddenly, I stopped struggling because at that point there was no use. His arms began to loosen up on me. I then felt my cheeks turning red. He turned me around so I could see him still keeping me in an embrace. He placed a hand on my cheek and wiped away the tears. "All this just so I wouldn't see you cry ... are you always like this? Vulnerability is one of the key features into getting to know someone. If you're going to be here than I highly suggest you get used to this, you're stuck with me. Get a grip. You haven't been here even a day." He stated. I took his arms off me and took a step back. "I hate feeling cornered and vulnerable... I don't want you looking at me like that. I hate it. Why couldn't you just stay away? Are you enjoying this?" I asked while I wiped away the rest of the tears that had already fallen from my face. "You really think that low of me? I came to see if you were okay because you're my responsibility. I brought you here with open arms. I might be a demon but I understand the terms consideration and kindness. I'm not incapable. " He said giving me a cold stare. He walked passed me and I turned around. All I could see was him walking away from me. I felt like absolute shit after that. I ran towards him and grabbed his hand. "Sebastian! I'm sorry. You're right. I am being selfish. I'm so so sorry." Tears began to fall from my face again. "I'm sorry I've been pushing you away. I'm just afraid that ill --" I didn't finish my sentence. "I was afraid I'd fall for your small gestures and misinterpret them. I won't let it happen." I thought. I walked up in front of Sebastian and hugged him. "Thank you for being there for me Sebastian," I said looking up at him. His expression softened. A smile came across my face when he hugged back. "Would you like to go to the study to meet the young master or would you like to stay like this for a few more minutes?" He said giving me a smile. I pushed him away playfully and gave a half hearted laughed. "Let's go see Ciel." He nodded and we made our way to Ciel's study.