Typical [L.P. + N.H. + A.I.]

6.4 - Hills - Backyard

Jess' POV

I lost track of time because I was having so much fun with Niall. I get to Ashton's at 10 PM on the dot, thinking I can still make it before he sees me. But unfortunately, we arrive at the same time. It really shouldn't be like this. I feel like a teenager sneaking in and out of the house without her parents knowing. I wasn't doing anything wrong with Niall. We were just talking. But Ashton keeps finding ways to make me feel guilty about having a friend.

At first, he was silent. He's obviously tired from work, and seeing me coming "Late" put him in a bad mood. I leave him be, for now, it's no use talking to him when he's in a bad mood.

After I take a shower, I find him laying on the sofa in the backyard. I sit on the floor just in front of him.

'So...' I start, testing to see if he's any calmer.

'Had fun?' He asks sarcastically.

'Missed you.'

'Doesn't answer my question.'

'Yeah, I did. It was a change of pace. I'm getting tired of being in here all day.'

'Well, sorry if I have work to do.' He snaps.

'Ash... Can we talk seriously? Please?'

'Here we go! Let's see what lies has he been feeding you all day.' He sits straight.

I stand up, his words angering me. I'm trying to stay cool but I just can't.

'Ashton enough is enough! He hasn't been feeding me anything. I am my own person. My thoughts are my own. My actions are my own. I am not some robot who does whatever you and he want me to do! I actually have a brain! And I actually use it! You should start to! Because you are being ridiculous and I'm sick of it! I am actually trying here! I'm trying to make it work! But lately, it's like you gave up! I see you for 2 hours a day! And all we do is fight because you are trying to manipulate me. I don't like being manipulated, Ash! I actually did A LOT of compromises for you. Because I love you and I care for this relationship and I actually want it to work. But you, you're not doing anything! You're being stubborn, irrational and paranoid and I'm sick of it! You're not the same person that I fell in love with not 2 months ago! You're so scared of losing me that you're going about it the wrong way. I don't want to lose you, but if you keep acting this way, we're gonna lose each other. And I'm telling you this because I don't accept this to happen. Not without fighting for us. But I can't be the only one fighting. If you don't shake yourself off, get over your poisoning thoughts, and actually do something good for the both of us.'

'You can't seriously think that I'm not trying! I invited him over for dinner when I didn't even want him in my house and I did that for you!'

'Okay, maybe. But how did you spend the evening? Challenging him? Showing us off? Kissing me in front of him on purpose? Do you know how that made me feel? I felt like you're a 3-year-old who just stole another kid's toy in the playground and playing with it in front of him. It's embarrassing and offensive. I am not a toy, and you are not 3 years old. You're 25! Act like it!'

'I didn't know that's how you saw me.' He says lowering his head looking at the ground.

I sit back down on the floor in front of him, pull his face up making him look at me. Then I say calmly.

'Babe, It's not how I see you. Of course not. I just meant that's what your behaviour was like. A behaviour based on impulses and jealousy. That's not who you are. You're strong and confident. You're smart and kind. You're caring and have a beautiful soul. You're just letting some twisted dark thoughts and insecurities get the best of you. I'm sorry I yelled I was just frustrated. I hate fighting with you. I'm just hoping I could wake you up and make you see how blinded you have become. So that you can go back to being the person I love. I'm sorry, but I really hope you understand.'

'I guess maybe you're right. I just can't handle losing you.' he mumbles.

'I know, babe, I feel the same. That's why it's important to listen to each other, to trust each other, to believe in each other.'

'I do trust you, it's him I-'

'Don't trust. Yes, I've heard it a million times before. But, honestly? To me? That only means that you don't trust me or believe that I'm strong enough to take care of myself. He's not gonna hurt me, he's not gonna do anything without my consent. And he doesn't have my consent. Because I don't love him, I love you. If you trust me that should be enough.'

'Alright. I trust you. That's enough. I'm gonna try harder this time. I'm gonna try to be better. No more rules or conditions. I believe you know what's best for you and for me and for us. Besides, rules are meant to be broken. So the more I put rules the more I'd be pushing you to him.'

I roll my eyes at the last part.

'Okay, okay! I'm sorry, Jessie. I'm really sorry, baby. Thank you for making me see that my actions were wrong. Thank you for fighting for us instead of just leaving. I know you didn't want to be in LA in the first place. And I know my work is keeping me busy and we barely see each other. But you still have one week here, so we should just make the best of it.'

'Yeah, that's true.'

'By the way, I gotta ask though. Did you talk to him about any of this today?'

'Umm... well... I was in a bad mood and he kinda asked and I kinda couldn't shut up. Sorry...'

'Come on, Jess!'

'But hey, he encouraged me to talk to you and try my best in making it work.'

'Yeah, because he's hoping, we fight, break up, and then you'll remember he was nice to you and supportive so you can go to him and be with him.'

'Here we go again! Ash, babe, Niall is not an evil mastermind! He's caring and that's about it. He encouraged me to talk to you and make it work with you, not fight with you. He wants us to work through our problems because we love each other and because I'm happy with you. He always puts other people's happiness and wellbeing before his own. What drives me crazy is that you already know that! You two spent years touring the world together! You know he's nothing like the person you're picturing in your mind.'

'People grow up. People change. Life is tough, people grow to be more numb, more selfish and more cutthroat.'

'But not Niall! He's still the same. I mean... I don't know where you're getting that evil double from.'

'Maybe... it makes me feel better about not liking him. It would be easier if he's a bad guy. But he's not bad. He's one of the best people out there. One of the best guys. And that terrifies me even more. Because what if he's better than me?'

'There is no better to me. I only want you.'

'I love you. And I truly am sorry. Things are gonna be better now I promise.'

'Thank you, and I love you too. Now how about we go put on some cheesy movie, and we cuddle while eating ice cream? I missed you today so much!' I say getting up from my seat on the floor, straddling him, and placing small gently kisses all over his neck.

'Okay, but after that, we do what I want!'

'Wasn't expecting anything else.'