Bloom

25. closed minds

Zephaniah

"Zeph," Dad's soft voice rang through my head, slightly waking me up from my deep slumber. "Zeph, are you getting out of bed?"

Opening my eyes, I wiped my mouth before I rolled onto my back and tiredly stared at Dad, them squinting slightly as the bright sun shone right into them.

"We're having breakfast in a bit with mum, okay?" dad said slowly, giving me time to process as it went even slower in the morning, my mind needing to wake up properly too.

Pressing my palms to my eyes, I slowly rubbed them, a deep, sleepy sigh leaving my slightly parted lips. "Now?"

"As soon as you're ready, Zeph." He said quietly, giving me a warm smile before leaving my room and closing the door.

Stretching myself out, I heard a few bones snap, making me cringe. Yawning about three times after that, I sleepily sat up and glanced down at Cooper, who only stared at me with his brown eyes.

I frowned a little, as Cooper was usually extremely enthusiastic once I had woken up. Lying down onto my stomach again, I slightly slid off my bed, my nose almost pressing on his. "Did I do something wrong, Coop?" I whispered, observing his behaviour.

Once I was fully out of bed, I wrapped my arms around his neck but scrunched up my nose once a strong smell hit me. It was urine, definitely urine.

Glancing at myself, I was relieved once it was confirmed it wasn't me- a seizure could make me do that, after all.

"Shit," I cursed, motioning for Cooper to stand up. "No, no." I swallowed thickly, staring at the dampness that Cooper had left onto my floor. "Why, Cooper? You never do that."

I was too late with walking him. That was it. It was my fault, the thought finally having dawned to me.

"Sorry, sorry." I frowned, kissing Cooper's head. "I slept in, it's Saturday. I always sleep in on Saturday, you know that- that right?" I asked, desperately wanting to know it wasn't my fault. Or maybe I did want it to be my fault, so I didn't have to worry about his health.

Gulping, I slipped on my denim trousers, traded my sleep sweater for a sand colored one and made my way over to the bathroom. Opening the door, I locked it right after and did my business, washed my face and brushed my teeth, staring at myself through the mirror.

I looked tired, I was tired. My head was pounding and I felt slightly dizzy, not entirely sure why, because I had slept for enough hours. That couldn't be it. Perhaps, it was about Cooper, the whole situation making me feel uneasy. Perhaps, it was about Haven yesterday, the day making me feel slightly disappointed. Perhaps, it were the thoughts of my mum and dad having a baby.

Toothpaste foam collected at the corners of my mouth, making me spit it out and rinse my mouth, drying it with the sleeve of my sweater as I didn't want to touch the towel that was hanging there. Taming some wild strands of hair due to the sleep, I stared at myself, sighing.

My thoughts went back to yesterday, the disheartened feeling coming back right after. What a fool you are, Zeph. Flown away, those first impressions. What would Haven think of me now? I had tried so hard, and even then everything went wrong. I wanted to talk, but the words wouldn't leave my lips for some reasons.

I knew it sometimes gave people the impression that I wasn't listening, or that I was rude and simply kept my mouth shut because I didn't want to talk- but that wasn't the case, not at all. I sometimes didn't answer, because the words would've simply not dawned to me yet, I needed time to process what she was saying, I needed to give it meaning.

Then the answering part, I wanted to talk, but I didn't know what to say. And if I did- something would hold me back. The autism, perhaps, or maybe my insecurity that came with it. I was afraid to say something wrong, to make people think even worse about me than they did in the first place. It was frustrating, I knew those struggles from myself and it hindered so much when it came to contact and socializing.