Bloom

75. two births collide

Zayn

Terrified would be an understatement. Nausea had crept up my body from nerves. I didn't know what to expect, I didn't know what to do. Hannah sensed my discomfort, I could tell. It made me disappointed in myself- she was in so much pain and this wouldn't exactly soften it.

I was seated beside her on the bed. The water had broke not too long ago and ever since then- I had been in pure distress. I didn't exactly know why, but maybe it had to do with Zephaniah's birth, that hadn't exactly went smooth and happy.

I felt bad, extremely bad for my boy that his birth gave me negative feelings, but it wasn't him. It was her, that had made it so bad for me. The screaming, the cursing, the crying- I could still hear everything clearly.

Her voice was loud, it had screeched into my ears. It had sounded so helpless, so angry. Then the soft crying of my little boy, making everything better in a way for me. The nurses pushing the baby into my arms, motioning for me to take steps back.

His rosy cheeks were so soft, eventually wet from tears, his nose so little and his toothless mouth so sweet. I had never felt more scared, yet happy when I got to see him for the first time. But then the next worries came, the fear creeping up around that time too, because how would I ever be able to be a good father to him?

How would I-

"Zayn." Hannah dragged me out of my thoughts, her sweet brown eyes calming me, like they had always done. "It's not like that now, I promise." She whispered, her dimples making me sigh out deeply.

"I'm sorry." I breathed out, my lips parting. "I'm so sorry for comparing-"

"You're not comparing." Hannah reassured me. "We're over that, yeah? We have talked about this a lot. It will be a beautiful experience, I promise you." Our lips connected, soft, short but sweet kisses were exchanged.

We had went over this conversation many times in the phase where we wanted to get engaged. I felt guilty, extremely guilty for the things I had done in the past. I had known that Hannah had saved everything for marriage, and I had given it away to someone else when I was young and immature.

I had told her everything about Zephaniah's birth, how it hadn't went how I had dreamed it would go, how once it would happen to us- I'd be reminded of that melancholic time even when I never wanted it to happen.

Hannah accepted everything, the good person she was. We promised to leave it all behind us, to engage freshly, saving everything for after we were married as well. It would be okay, she had said. She was right, but now that everything was getting so close, my mind was triggered.

Hannah whimpered at a contraction, her face twisting in pain for a brief moment. I played with her hair, kissing her face softly. She let it all happen- it was so different, everything was so nice and beautiful.

I allowed myself to smile, I allowed myself to enjoy the moment as it was. My heart fluttered, I couldn't wait to meet our baby.

"Mama called a nurse, okay?" I told Hannah, who nodded briefly in response. "Does it hurt?"

"Properly." Hannah chuckled lightly, her smile fading right after. She breathed in and out loudly, trying hard to hide her pain. "It's worth it."

Stroking her cheeks, I kissed her lips again, my eyes roaming over her face. "You can scream it out if you want, I don't mind." My lips were pressed against her cheeks for a brief moment. "I wish I could lighten the pain for you."

"So do I. Men have it way too easy, it's unfair." She scoffed, playfully. I grinned, poking her dimples.

"You won't hear me complaining."