Bloom

79. he flew | the end

Zephaniah

One month later

Clouds traveled slowly, forming into the most creative creatures before they slowly dissolved along the way. My eyes followed them as they came and went, the soft breeze flinging the fringe to my eyes sometimes, making me blink a little faster.

The watery sun shone weakly, but it still gave us the warmth she always had within her. The leaves rustled softly, a few lost birds chirping euphonious as they sat on the branches, plucking off berries in between their songs. Pulling my beanie further over my ears, I licked my lips slowly, for once feeling at peace.

My fingers brushed over the leaves I could reach, the drops of the morning dew feeling cold, but soothing in a way. Sitting up, my body bounced lightly on the trampoline, my eyes focused on a ladybird. Pressing my hand against the leaf, I watched how the tiny creature moved from the leaf to my hand, rapidly walking around.

Biting my upper lip as I smiled, I watched how it flew off, traveling along with the breeze and clouds- she was too small to fight against the wind.

Lying back down with a soft sigh, I let my thoughts run freely, getting caught up in one of my stare moments.

The break from University had done me well- I needed to sort things out. In my life, but mostly in my mind after all what had happened the past few weeks, maybe even months. Slowly but surely, I was getting used to the massive changes in my life.

Jedidjah still woke me every night with her sweet but rather loud crying. At some points, I was so exhausted that it made me feel frustrated, but I knew she couldn't help it, and besides, I had done the same when I was a baby.

The sleep deprivation, however, had given me a seizure, but dad had been there to keep me safe. Something I had felt worried about after Cooper went- who could sense it now? I woke up in my father's arms.

Sometimes, when mum went out for the day, Dad and I took care of Jedidjah. I got to bathe her, to feed her with a bottle, we would rate her burps and I got to change her nappy. Dad would always tell me stories about when I was a baby- I loved to hear them. Everything told me that he loved the two of us equally, it made me feel content. Jedidjah was a beautiful, sweet baby.

And after days of being trapped in my own mind and body, not wanting to talk or to be touched- I was now more affectionate than ever. Until my fourteenth, every Saturday morning, I would crawl into my parents bed the moment I had woken up in my own. It was our cuddle moment- as compensation that I couldn't sleep in Dad's bed anymore when he married mum. Except for when I was afraid, of course.

Lately, I had found myself in their bed again on Saturday mornings. Sometimes I dozed off in their presence, Mum would lay Jedidjah beside me and I would play with her little toes and fingers after she had woken me by accidentally pulling my hair or nose. I would laugh and kiss her cheeks, stare at her little nose, the details on her baby skin.

I still filled Cooper's bowls with water and food every morning, kicked around the toy I had bought for him in Amsterdam but hadn't been given the chance to give him it. I still walked our walk, even when it took way longer now that I was caught up in my stare moments at times, being distracted by the distractions- no one was there to get me out of them but it was okay.

Doing those things gave me comfort, it was something familiar that had belonged to my routine for over eleven years. I still missed him awfully much- the pain in my heart wasn't lessened, but my parents helped me how to cope with it, Jedidjah helped me how to cope with it.

He would never leave my mind, just like how Haven hadn't left it the past few weeks. I hadn't heard from her ever since the trip, I was afraid she was mad at me for what I had done- but Dad was sure she wasn't.