Destiny Island

Chapter 36

Is this how Amber feels now that she has her fire powers?
Does the fire in her feel the same as the flame coursing through my veins?
I wonder if she also feels rage consuming every cell of her body and building up in the pit of her stomach like molten lava waiting to erupt.
Is channeling fire the same as channeling this much anger?
It can't be, can it?
Fire means light, warmth, safety, but the feeling I have is darker, ever-consuming.

I feel as if I am standing at the edge of a cliff and every second I might be pushed over the edge.
If I fall over the edge, I know that I will lose all control.
What happens then?
Will my newly discovered powers hurt my friends?
Will my telekinetic powers hurt her?
Could they ever?

Even if I am not myself anymore, she will still be purity and innocence, would my body be capable of hurting her?
Would my mind ever be able to spiral out of control so much that it would hurt Amber?
I hope not. God, I hope not.

From the moment I met her, I knew that we were similar in some way, that there was a strange connection that bound us in some way.
An indescribable thread that was interwoven in our lives in some way that couldn't be explained by reason. Even then my reason didn't register that feeling, only deep in my gut did I feel it.
However, I didn't expect this. I never expected this would happen.
It is not what I want, for me, for her.
She was to be my friend, someone who could at least partially understand my anger, my struggles, but only now as I struggle for control do I realize how much more she truly is to me.

No matter how much I want to think that we are the same, I think we are actually the opposites.
She is the light and I am the darkness.
What burns in my veins is not good, but it is powerful and if I could control it that well when helping Royce maybe I can control the immense power after all. Maybe I can help us all survive.

But should it be this easy for me to tear an arm out of a living creature, even if it is evil? Shouldn't I feel something besides blinding rage?
Ignacio, stop staring at! Stop!
Why can't I stop staring at the blood dripping down the arm and on to my hands making them bright red?
I hate this color! I hate it!
Make it stop!
Please make this horrible anger stop! Even throwing away the arm doesn't make the crawling feeling of disgust and unease go away.

My powers are not worth it if this is the price I have to pay.
I have spent my whole life running from myself, from my dark side, is this how it all ends?
It's pathetic!
I have to snap out of it!
Even my hands are shaking from the enormity of my anger! How do I calm down!?

There she is!
She can be my anchor!
Wow, she is a vision!
She is injured, but that doesn't stop her from being a vengeful angel who protects all who mean well.
How well she protects Avo Jana with her powers!
Why can't I be like her?
So strong and powerful, but at the same time just and gentle, that's how she is.
I must look like a bloodthirsty demon in comparison to her!

Focus Ignacio! Focus! That flying creature almost poked your eye out!
Why won't my thoughts just stop and let me be!
But if I stop thinking my instincts will take over, and I am still not sure what they might do!
I AM IN CONTROL! I AM THE MASTER OF MY OWN THOUGHTS AND EMOTIONS! I CAN DO THIS!
Power is just that, power, the difference is how we choose to use it.
Even something as negative as rage can be a good fuel if used in the right way, can't it?

How do people do this?
How do they deal with all these emotions?
I thought I had them safely locked away in the part of my mind that I never visit.
Now they are out, and I am out of control.
For the first time, I understand how Royce feels about losing control.
It's terrifying!

On the outside, I must seem like I have everything under control, slashing and stabbing at my enemies, but all I want to do is scream in anger and frustration.
It's not only about the battle I want to scream at the world, at fate, at destiny!
I just want to scream until I have no strength or thought left, maybe then I shall finally find peace.
Only then the sweet release might come.
Oh, how I long for it!

Why does my left side feel even warmer than before?
Has the volcano of my fury finally erupted?
Why is it so sticky and wet?
Oh, what a relief, it's just blood.
My blood.
I am bleeding.
How did that happen?

Oh, that pesky dark fairy has stabbed me with her horn.
Fairies have horns?
Who knew?
I must be delusional.

Before I lose any more blood, I have to find her and deal with her before she finishes me off.
There is the culprit!
She sure is scary for a fairy.
Those horns are so sharp and shiny and the nails...
Well, she just seems to have been designed to slash and stab people, doesn't she?

My energy is running out.
I have to do something quickly.
Oh, that fireball is awfully near her. I am sure the person to whomever it belongs won't mind me borrowing it.
I can move it on to the fairy's path and do something before I lose consciousness.

Argh! Well, at least it worked... She is knocked out of the Shadowworld...
And now 'Hello, darkness my old friend."

Wait what is that gentle warmth that I feel?
Come on eyes! Open up! I need to see the warmth.
Oh, Amber!
How did she know?
Maybe it was her fireball?

She seems to be saying something.
I can't hear her.
Why can't I hear her?
It doesn't matter.
As long as she is here with me, I can die in peace.

Is that worry on her face or are my barely open eyes deceiving me?
How could she be worried about me?
I have been anything but nice to her.

Maybe it's time to let go, to embrace the darkness.
Who could ask for a better way to go out?
"He has gone in the glory of the battle!" They'll say.
"Gone but not forgotten!" they'll claim.

Huh, my burning anger is gone.
Like air out of a balloon.
Huh!
Who knew?
You can't die angry.

Am I dying?
Why am I not afraid?
Oh, right. The angel is here.
My angel will take care of me.
I can let go.
Finally... I am free.

Oh, something wet is dripping on my face.
The angel is crying.
Angels should never cry.
Can angels even be sad?
Can I?
Anger is so much better.

I am a man. Men shouldn't be sad only mad.
Haha, sad-mad.
I can rhyme while I die.
Where is the film of my life?
Maybe it's better this way.
I lived in darkness and darkness shall claim me as its own.

There was something I didn't...do...say...
I need to try...but who am I...
Just nothing...ness... trapped in darkness...
A lost soul... looking for heaven...
Found...it...angel's embrace...